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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/25209913">the benefits of getting a flat tire</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/LesbeanLatte/pseuds/LesbeanLatte'>LesbeanLatte</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Team Teen Vigilantes [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Avatar: The Last Airbender</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Action/Adventure, Adventure, Adventure &amp; Romance, Alternate Universe - High School, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, Azula (Avatar) Redemption, Background Hakoda/Bato, Childhood Trauma, Conspiracy Theories, Crushes, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Family, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Found Family, Friends to Lovers, Gen, Horror, Hurt/Comfort, Light Angst, M/M, Mild Hurt/Comfort, Murder Mystery, Mutual Pining, Mystery, Ozai (Avatar) Being a Terrible Parent, Ozai (Avatar) is an Asshole, Psychological Horror, Psychological Trauma, Romance, Running Away, Sibling Bonding, Slow Burn, Small Towns, Suspense, Teen Romance, Thriller, Urban Fantasy, Zuko is an Awkward Turtleduck, flat tire</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-07-11</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-08-02</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-05 11:07:30</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>20</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>64,583</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/25209913</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/LesbeanLatte/pseuds/LesbeanLatte</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Zuko makes an impromptu decision to run away from home after a disturbing conversation with Azula. Unfortunately, some plans are better when they're actually, well, planned. Zuko isn't counting on getting a flat tire almost as soon as he's far enough away from the city to really be in the middle of nowhere. </p><p>Sokka is immediately taken with the stranger he and his friends find stranded on the side of the road during an afternoon joy ride. However, he has no idea what he's getting involved with and a kind attempt to help a fellow teen in need turns into a massive coverup for a missing person who just so happens to be the son of the mayor of Ba Sing Se. </p><p>Azula was just trying to help her big brother - in her own way - by telling him things she thought he deserved to know. Now the situation has gotten wildly out of control. Did she enjoy seeing Zuko upset and afraid? Of course. Had she intended to endanger his life? Not necessarily, but of course, her idiot brother overreacted to everything and that's what happened and now she doesn't know how to stop the chain of events she's indirectly put in place like dominoes.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Aang &amp; Katara &amp; Sokka &amp; Toph, Azula &amp; Iroh (Avatar), Azula &amp; Mai &amp; Ty Lee, Azula &amp; Mai &amp; Ty Lee &amp; Zuko, Azula &amp; The Gaang (Avatar), Azula &amp; Ursa (Avatar), Azula &amp; Zuko (Avatar), Iroh &amp; Zuko (Avatar), June &amp; Azula, Katara &amp; Sokka (Avatar), Sokka/Zuko (Avatar), The Gaang &amp; Zuko (Avatar), The gaang &amp; Azula &amp; Mai &amp; Ty Lee &amp; Zuko, Ursa &amp; Azula &amp; Zuko, Ursa &amp; Zuko (Avatar), aang &amp; katara &amp; sokka &amp; toph &amp; zuko</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Team Teen Vigilantes [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1863898</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>545</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>983</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. flat tire</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Zuko stepped out of the 1996 Honda Accord he had bought using tips from his job as a waiter at his uncle's tea shop and yelled out a slew of words that would have left his uncle disapproving and his sister proud. </p>
<p>The tire was flat. He didn’t know how the hell he’d managed to get a flat already. Okay, so maybe he’d kind of sort of zoomed over a few curbs. What, he was supposed to be on the lookout for cop cars, his sister and her friends, his dad, AND curbs? He hadn’t realized the tire was flat when he was still in the city, though hitting a curb back there must’ve been what did it. </p>
<p>As he sped away from the businesses and suburbs and bustling streets he’d grown up in and onto country roads surrounded by fields and mountains and streams – had he noticed a weird scratchy shrieking sound that seemed to be coming from under his car? Sure. Had he considered that this might mean something bad was happening? Maybe. But he was running away from home after spending seventeen years of his life trying to please his dad and watching his dad fawn over his sister and look at him with nothing but disgust. He had other things on his mind, okay? </p>
<p>So, here he was, standing on the side of the road with a tire that was totally popped, holding his hand above his eyes to block the sun, and looking around. Where was he? He hadn’t exactly paid attention. His main goal had been – get away from the city. Plans beyond that had felt too overwhelming to consider as he threw random clothes into a garbage bag and threw the garbage bag out the window and jumped into his car with his foot on the gas. </p>
<p>On either side of him were fields that were now yellowish-brown but probably filled with vegetables in the spring and summer. Beyond the fields were trees, their leaves glimmering gold and yellow and swaying in the cold wind. Ahead? More forest and rolling hills. Behind him? The same. This didn’t look great. </p>
<p>He had thrown his phone out the window about twenty minutes ago when it occurred to him that his dad might use it as a way to track him. Also, he hadn’t packed any food or water. Also, it was getting cold. The sun was shining bright, but the autumn air was chilly. When the sun went down, it would be downright cold. At least the Honda had a good heater. </p>
<p>Zuko climbed back into the car and turned the key. He would take a moment to warm up and think about what he needed to do. He cranked the heat and leaned back, trying to keep his panic at bay. He hadn’t told anyone that he was leaving. No one knew where he was. Maybe this had been a really stupid plan – no scratch that. This didn’t deserve to be called a “stupid plan” when it wasn’t actually even a “plan.” He looked down and was alarmed to see that the fuel gauge was close to empty. He hurried to turn the car off. He needed to preserve the gas. </p>
<p>He hadn’t seen another car in a while. Okay, now seemed like an acceptable time to panic. He was alone. He was in the middle of nowhere with no idea where he was or how to get back, he had no gas, no food, no water, no phone, and the only money he had was fifty dollars in cash he’d stolen from Azula’s dresser. </p>
<p>What the hell was he going to do now? His heart was beating way too fast and he was finding it hard to breathe. He clutched the steering wheel and tried to take deep, calming breaths the way his uncle had taught him. His hyperventilation didn’t slow down though. If anything, his breath was getting caught in his throat more than before. His head felt like it was spinning and he couldn’t think about what he’d done or what he needed to do or what he’d do when his dad inevitably found him – possibly having starved or frozen to death. Maybe that was best. In terms of ways to die 'freezing to death' sounded more pleasant than whatever his dad might do. </p>
<p>*           *          *          *          *</p>
<p>“Whoo!” Toph screamed as the rusted red pickup truck Sokka had gotten for his sixteenth birthday last year zoomed down the empty road at about seventy miles an hour. </p>
<p>“This was a bad idea, I don’t like this, I changed my mind,” Aang whimpered. He was sitting in the middle seat between the passenger and driver’s seat and kept covering his eyes and then uncovering them. </p>
<p>“Yeah, Toph you uh, might wanna ease up on the gas,” Sokka managed as his stomach did a backflip. He had definitely not thought through the decision to let Toph try driving. </p>
<p>“NEVER!” Toph said, laughing.</p>
<p>“Car!” Sokka screamed. </p>
<p>“Car! Car!” Aang yelled too. </p>
<p>Toph, having never driven before for obvious reasons, took their earlier instruction to “just break” if they happened across another car and ran with those instructions. She slammed on the breaks and the car spun down the road for about a hundred feet before at last stopping. Sokka’s heart was racing, but he was also laughing. </p>
<p>Aang let out a soft laugh that sounded a little like a sob to Sokka. He’d covered his eyes when Toph breaked, and he, at last, uncovered them. </p>
<p>“We’re alive,” Aang said, sounding surprised. </p>
<p>“We’re never doing that again,” Sokka said. </p>
<p>“It was your idea,” Toph said. “And it was amazing.” </p>
<p>Sokka rolled his eyes and got out of the car, placing both hands on the side of the hood and trying to steady his heart rate. It was Thanksgiving break and it had started off as a boring afternoon of sitting around the house playing videogames. Hakoda was in the city for the weekend on a trip with Bato and Katara had gone over to Suki’s house so it had just been Sokka, Aang, and Toph. As always without Hakoda or Katara around to talk the group out of their crazier ideas, boredom had escalated into, well, this. </p>
<p>Once Sokka’s heart rate had slowed down and he had accepted that this adventure – while ill-advised – had been kind of fun, he noticed that someone was actually in the beat-up Honda he’d spotted pulled to the side of the road. He walked the twenty or so feet over to it and saw that the guy inside wasn’t looking so hot. Well, correction, he was hot (not that Sokka noticed) but he wasn’t looking like he was doing super hot. </p>
<p>Sokka knocked on the window. The guy yelled in surprise and kind of launched himself sideways into the passenger seat, falling backward. He’d been breathing fast and looking a little crazy-eyed when Sokka saw him, now he was looking at Sokka like Sokka was an ax murderer or something. </p>
<p>He didn’t look familiar. He must be from Ba Sing Se then. Sokka would remember a face like this even if it weren’t for half of the stranger’s handsome face having been burned off. He had dark hair that was messy and fell over his eyes – Sokka noticed he seemed to have purposefully styled his hair at an angle that covered the burn.  </p>
<p>Sokka took a step back from the car and raised a friendly hand. The guy sat up and opened the driver’s seat and got out. It wasn’t a smooth exit, he kind of fell over his own feet and ended up on his hands and knees in the dead grass. Sokka held out a hand. The guy eyed him with wary distrust and stood up without taking Sokka’s hand. </p>
<p>“Hi,” Sokka said. “Everything okay?” </p>
<p>“Yes. I’m allowed to be here. I mean, everything’s fine. Why wouldn’t it be?” </p>
<p>Aang and Toph had come over to join Sokka now. “Hey,” Aang said. “What’s up buddy? Do you need a ride?” </p>
<p>“Who is it?” Toph asked. </p>
<p>“No one we know,” Aang confirmed. He smiled at the guy, who was pressed against his car looking cornered. “I’m Aang,” he said. “This is Sokka,” he nodded to Sokka, “and Toph.” </p>
<p>“Sup,” Toph said. </p>
<p>Everyone waited. There was a very long pause. The guy, who was wearing ripped up jeans and a V-neck red T-shirt that was very flattering but also very inappropriate for the cold, windy day looked like they’d just asked him to give up his social security and credit card number. </p>
<p>“Li,” he said at last.</p>
<p>“Well, Li, looks like you’ve got a flat tire,” Sokka commented, noting the blown-out front tire on the old Honda. “Have you called a tow truck?” </p>
<p>“No.” </p>
<p>“Do you…want us to call you a tow truck?” </p>
<p>“No!” </p>
<p>“Um…ok…do you…want us to give you a ride home?” </p>
<p>“No!” </p>
<p>Sokka sighed. This guy was giving him nothing. He was sure he’d never met such a frustrating person before in his life. </p>
<p>“Are you waiting for a friend?” Aang tried. </p>
<p>“No.” </p>
<p>“Are you waiting for your parents or something?” Toph asked. </p>
<p>“No! Definitely not.” </p>
<p>Well, at least that was more than a one-word answer which was the best they’d gotten so far. Sokka clapped a hand on the guy – Li’s - shoulder and felt him tense up as if he’d just been hit. Sokka hurried to pull his hand away. He cleared his throat. </p>
<p>“Okay, I’m just gonna say it. I don’t feel comfortable just leaving you here on the side of the road,” he said. </p>
<p>“I’m a stranger,” Li said as if that covered it. </p>
<p>“Right, well I’m not real comfortable turning on the news tomorrow and hearing about a stranger’s frozen body being discovered in a car less than a mile from my house when I could’ve helped,” Sokka went on. </p>
<p>“Don’t watch the news,” Li suggested. </p>
<p>Sokka looked at Aang and Toph for support. Toph was just gaping in Li’s general direction. Aang looked as baffled and helpless as Sokka felt. </p>
<p>“Okay hold on,” Sokka sighed. He walked back over to his pickup truck and opened the dash compartment. He dug around until he found a piece of paper and a pencil and jotted down his address. He walked back over to where Aang and Toph were still standing there looking awkward and Li was still pressed against his car like a cornered prey animal. What a weird guy. Sokka handed him the piece of paper. “This is where we’ll be. It’s that way,” he pointed in the direction they’d come from. “In case you decide against – this,” he gestured vaguely to the Honda. </p>
<p>Then, he, Aang, and Toph made their way back to the pickup truck. Just as Sokka was shaking his head at Toph when she went for the driver’s seat, Li called to them and Sokka turned. </p>
<p>“Thanks,” Li said. </p>
<p>Sokka nodded at him trying to look encouraging and getting an unfathomable expression in return. “You’re welcome.”</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. softcore kidnapping</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Azula realizes Zuko is gone but she's totally not worried at all even though he clearly didn't plan this out at all and he's definitely screwed out there. As far as she's concerned, it serves him right for being an idiot. She's definitely not freaking out. </p>
<p>Sokka and Katara can't stand the idea of leaving a certain lost puppy - er, teenage boy - alone in the cold. </p>
<p>Zuko considers the ramifications of freezing to death. </p>
<p>CW: some descriptions of self-hating borderline suicidal thoughts</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Azula glared at her phone. She had just called Zuko exactly eighty times in a row. Eighty! He was such an asshole. Luckily, Ozai was away on business. Not that Zuko had known that when he decided to steal fifty dollars from her and throw all his shit in his car and fucking LEAVE. She’d mentioned Ozai ‘not being around’ when Zuko showed evidence of being worried someone was spying on their conversation, but that didn’t mean he knew Ozai was actually out of town. God, he was so fucking stupid. She hated him. What if Ozai were in town? Did Zuko think he would’ve gotten away with getting more than a mile from the house if Ozai were in Ba Sing Se? He was so lucky it was just the two of them and the servants. Not that the servants counted. </p>
<p>She yelled in anger and threw Zuko’s lamp on the floor. A servant came scampering over to the entrance to Zuko’s room to see what was wrong. Azula gave her a death glare and she scampered back away into the shadows. ‘Nosy little rat,’ Azula thought. </p>
<p>Azula was going to kill Zuko. She was going to personally beat him to death. He was so stupid. Where did he think he was going to go? He didn’t exactly make top dollars working at the fucking Jasmine Dragon and it’s not like he had a black master card with no spending limit like she did. </p>
<p>She glanced at the time. It was getting late, almost eight o’clock. It was getting dark and a few snowflakes were fluttering through the air, she noted, glancing at the window. If she cared whether or not her brother ended up getting kidnapped and held for ransom or gang-raped or in a bathtub filled with ice with missing organs, she might have been panicking. She hoped one of those things was happening though, she really did. Maybe then he’d learn a lesson or two about responsibility and not being an idiot. </p>
<p>She remembered back to their conversation earlier in the afternoon and realized with a horrible sinking feeling that this might be partially her fault. She could slap her past self in the face right now for being so goddamn stupid. But nooo, she’d decided to be nice, for once, and treat Zuko as if he were an intelligent and competent person capable of having a rational discussion and not up and running away when things got a little rough. That was on her. </p>
<p>He’d been sitting in the garden, feeding the ducks and she’d gone into his room to read his diary. She knew he had a diary because she’d caught him writing in it a few times. She just wanted to see what he wrote about her. That was all. Sometimes, though she’d never admit it to anyone, she wondered if her big brother was secretly maybe a little proud of her. Ozai was proud of her, and that should be enough – she’d graduated high school early with a 4.5 GPA and she was well on her way to getting a bachelor’s in criminal psychology. She was admired and feared throughout Ba Sing Se – so sue her if she wanted to know what her impenetrable big brother thought about her. Whoop-dee-fucking doo she sometimes had a human moment.</p>
<p>She’d flipped past the pages about being depressed and hating himself with a frown, trying not to read those because it felt just a little too private. She’d seen her own name and stopped. She had felt something like guilt as she considered that he didn’t even want anyone to know about this stupid diary – as evidenced by having hidden it under his mattress – but she’d ignored that. She was entitled to knowing what it said, she decided, if it had her name on it.</p>
<p>Written in neat cursive: </p>
<p>
  <em>‘I sometimes wonder if Azula remembers mother enough to miss her the way I do. I don’t think she does. Sometimes, I even think she’s glad mother is gone. I hate myself for thinking that, but every day Azula is less like the little girl I taught to swim when we were younger and more like – well, more like father.’ </em>
</p>
<p>Something was caught in Azula’s throat. She gritted her teeth. He was so goddamn pretentious. He wrote as if being like Ozai was an insult instead of a compliment. And so what if she didn’t miss Ursa? He knew what it was like being the second favorite always – being looked at with cold dislike rather than love from a parent – surely with all his talk of ‘being a good person’ he could muster a little empathy for her? But no, that was a bit too hopeful, she thought bitterly. She kept reading. </p>
<p>
  <em>‘After all, Mother never ignored her flaws and treated her like a princess the way Father does. I miss her though, every day. I wonder if she would be proud of the person I am now? Or would she only be disappointed the way Father is? I like to believe she wouldn’t. I like to believe she would see the good in me, even if I’m not as talented academically as Azula. It’s a comforting thought so I’ll hold onto it. Perhaps someday I will meet her again and find out for sure.’ </em>
</p>
<p>Azula threw the diary on the ground, not caring that Zuko would know she’d read it. She marched outside to the gardens. He was still sitting there, tossing bits of bread to the ducks. She kicked one of the ducks that was trying to get closer to her brother and it quacked angrily and flew away. Zuko turned to her, glaring. </p>
<p>“You didn’t have to do that,” he said. </p>
<p>“No,” she agreed with a smirk, sitting beside him. </p>
<p>“What do you want?” </p>
<p>“I wanted to talk to you.” </p>
<p>“About?” </p>
<p>The smile faded from her face. “I know you miss mother…” </p>
<p>Zuko looked shocked. It was an unspoken rule that they didn’t talk about Ursa. He looked around. She sighed. </p>
<p>“Father isn’t around,” she assured him. She didn’t mention that Ozai had spies everywhere anyway – it didn’t matter because she was always aware of the spies. They were almost in her control as much as Father’s. No one was listening now. </p>
<p>“Why are you bringing this up?” </p>
<p>Azula felt a lump in her throat. He really didn’t know. Maybe part of her had thought he at least had an inkling, but she could see it on his face now that he didn't. Poor Zuko. He'd never developed a mask to hide his emotions. It was why he wasn't as good at surviving here as she was. He could never keep what he was thinking private. She kept her expression stony and swallowed the lump, hoping he didn’t notice. Years of practice had taught her to keep a neutral expression when she needed to – no matter what was going on inside. She knew her eyes would appear blank and empty. </p>
<p>“Do you know where she is?” Zuko asked, alarmed. “Azula, you have to tell me.” </p>
<p>“I don’t…not exactly,” she hedged. “I might know more than you, though.” She meant to sound confident and sarcastic, but it came out a little flat. Zuko just stared at her wide-eyed. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>*           *          *          *          *</p>
<p> </p>
<p>It was snowing. Sokka was pacing. Katara watched him warily. Aang and Toph were asleep in their respective rooms. After telling her about their insane idea to let Toph drive (Katara was torn between being glad she wasn’t around for that and furious that she hadn’t been around to at least try to stop them) Sokka had explained about the boy in the car with the flat tire. </p>
<p>She knew her brother well enough to know he wasn’t going to relax. She gave up on trying to read her book, putting a bookmark in and setting it down on the sofa beside her. She stared at Sokka until he noticed and stopped pacing. </p>
<p>He huffed out a sigh. “I just wanna know if he’s still there.” </p>
<p>“It sounds like he was pretty clear about wanting to be left alone.” </p>
<p>“We could just – you know – drive by and see if he’s still there. And offer to take him home with us.” </p>
<p>“He’s not a lost puppy Sokka.” </p>
<p>“He might as well be,” Sokka pouted. </p>
<p>“Fine.” </p>
<p>“Really?” Sokka lit up, looking elated. Katara rolled her eyes. </p>
<p>“I don’t like the idea of someone out there in that alone either,” she admitted. The news, which was playing quietly on the TV behind them was warning of record low temperatures for November. “Bundle up,” she said. </p>
<p>She hurried upstairs and grabbed her own winter coat, mittens, scarf, and hat. When she got downstairs Sokka was also bundled up and already in his snow boots waiting impatiently by the door. When they got outside, she was surprised to see that there was already a thin layer of snow on the ground. </p>
<p>It hadn't been snowing for too long. She’d assumed it wouldn’t be sticking yet. It was very cold, and her worry about the boy with the flat tire increased. She followed Sokka to the pickup truck and climbed into the passenger seat. As soon as they got in and started the engine Sokka blasted the heat, and Katara held her hands up to the heater. </p>
<p>She had to admit, even before Sokka started pacing the thought of the boy in the car had been bugging her. She, like Sokka, couldn’t stand the idea of anyone in need being ignored. She hated to think of someone with no heat source out in this. She wondered why he hadn’t accepted a ride? Well, she thought, maybe it had been because he saw that a blind girl was behind the wheel. Yes, she decided, that had to be it. </p>
<p>When she and Sokka found him again – if they found him again – he’d accept their help. She couldn’t consider the idea that they might not find him because doing so gave her too much anxiety. They’d find him and get him indoors. If he didn’t want to go, well they’d just have to convince him. One of Katara’s many skills was making sure everyone was looked after all the time. She’d convinced Hakoda to take in Aang, and later Toph. She’d organized protests among the Hira’a High students until free lunch was available to everyone. She would convince this kid – whoever he was – to come with them and at least stay somewhere warm for the night. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>*           *          *          *          *</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Well, this was it. He was going to die. He was going to die alone in his crappy car and no one would find his body for weeks. He supposed Azula would be happy he hadn’t had a chance to spend her fifty bucks. </p>
<p>Zuko was shivering uncontrollably and hugging himself and thinking about how stupid he’d been not to pack warmer clothes and how stupid this entire thing was. His teeth were chattering so hard his jaws hurt but he couldn’t stop. Unfortunately, because this was a last-minute trip, all he’d packed was T-shirts. Zuko was more of a warm-weather guy so during the fall and winter, he just kind of spend all his time indoors. He had a few jackets of course, but he’d forgotten them. Again, he’d had a lot on his mind. Fucked up revelations about his parents, anger at his dad, disillusionment with everything he’d ever hoped or believed. </p>
<p>Anyway, why had he even believed Azula? She liked to play mind games. For all he knew, she’d just been bored. It couldn’t be true. He refused to believe it. And if he was going to die anyway, did it really matter what he believed? </p>
<p>He supposed his life hadn’t been that great anyway. The one parent who cared about him wasn’t coming back one way or another. He would forever be overshadowed by his little sister who he loved but who he was scared of and scared for. He was scared of her because the lines of what she was capable of morally blurred more with every passing day and he was scared for her because she was his little sister and he could see the veneer of cruelty and narcissism she’d built up to protect herself thickening to the point he sometimes didn’t recognize the little girl he’d grown up playing games with in the garden. He wasn't doing her any favors by sticking around, with him gone she could at last claim all of Ozai's attention and maybe then she'd be as close to happy as anyone in their family could get. </p>
<p>He didn’t have any friends unless you counted Mai and Ty Lee – and did he count them? They were really Azula’s friends, after all. His uncle might miss him, but in the end, Iroh would have an easier, better life without being burdened by worrying about Zuko. Ozai would almost definitely be relieved if Zuko didn’t return. It was a depressing thought, but it was also almost liberating to acknowledge it. </p>
<p>Zuko spent every waking moment trying to impress his dad. He was a straight-A student. Maybe he hadn’t graduated early like his sister, but if he hadn’t run away he’d have had a shot at valedictorian. His dad was unimpressed. He was head of the student government at Ba Sing Se High. His dad thought that was a “wimp’s extracurricular.” When his dad got Azula a credit card and told Zuko he needed to work hard to earn money – he’d gotten a job at the Jasmine Dragon with no complaints about unfairness. At least that had earned him enough money to buy this car a few months ago. Now his dad could finally be rid of him. </p>
<p>Really, if he died here it wouldn’t be so bad. Maybe in some ways, it would almost be – </p>
<p>“HEY!” someone was pounding on the window. </p>
<p>Zuko saw a pretty girl around his age or maybe a little younger pounding on the window. He frowned, and sat up, opening the door. While he sat there hugging himself and shivering and thinking about how miserable his life was, he hadn’t noticed the pickup truck that must have pulled up beside him. He got out of his car and stood, facing her. </p>
<p>She was not alone. Zuko recognized the cute guy from earlier. He was bundled up from head to toe now, in a winter coat with a hood lined with faux fur, and winter boots. Zuko stared at him, trying to look disapproving but probably failing because he couldn’t stop shivering. </p>
<p>“You’re b-b-back,” he managed through chattering teeth. Outside the car, the wind whipped at his bare arms and he rubbed his palms up and down his forearms but he mostly felt numb. </p>
<p>“You’re crazy,” the guy said. What had his name been again? Something with an ‘S.’ Simba? Suki? Soda? </p>
<p>Whatever his name was, the guy was taking off his coat. </p>
<p>“Wh-wh-” Zuko tried to ask what the guy was doing, but he couldn’t get a word out. </p>
<p>“Here!” </p>
<p>Zuko found the coat being thrust into his arms. He wanted to throw it back to the hot – metaphorically – guy but he was pretty sure his limbs were in danger of falling off so he hurriedly shoved his arms through the sleeves and put the coat on, zipping it up and pulling the hood over his head. It was a little baggy on him but the inside was very soft and he instantly felt a little warmer and better. </p>
<p>“Let’s get in the car,” the girl said. </p>
<p>She and the guy – maybe her boyfriend? – dragged Zuko by the arms into the truck and shoved him into the middle seat. The cute guy got into the driver’s seat and slammed the door. The engine was already running and the heat was blasting. Zuko relaxed a little, though he was still shivering. </p>
<p>“What the hell were you thinking?” the girl asked, looking a little angry. “If we hadn’t shown up, you could’ve died! And not even bringing a coat? What’s wrong with you? Do you want to die?” </p>
<p>Zuko was shivering too much to answer. The guy, who was wearing a hoodie still and looked more relaxed now that they were in the car but still worried, was also looking disapproving. With his hood down, Zuko saw that the ponytail he’d had earlier was down and his shaggy dark hair was hanging around his face, damp from the snow. He was very handsome. </p>
<p>“Um…” Zuko realized the girl was waiting for him to say something. “Who are you again?” </p>
<p>“My name is Katara,” the girl said, her tone softening a little. “And you?” </p>
<p>“Zu-” he cut himself off, remembering that earlier he’d been smart enough to give a fake name to avoid risking them calling his father. “Li.” </p>
<p>“Zuli?” </p>
<p>“No, just Li. The cold is making me stutter.” That was almost a believable lie, at least. He was still shaking hard. </p>
<p>“Look, do you have a house?” Katara asked. “Like, a place we can take you?” </p>
<p>“Yeah,” Zuko huffed in what he hoped was a biting voice. His continued shaking did not help him come off as sarcastic as he wanted. “I was just sleeping in my car in the snow for fun.” </p>
<p>“Right,” Katara said, pursing her lips. She exchanged a look with the guy, who was sitting in the driver’s seat but hadn’t started driving yet. They seemed to have an internal dialogue based on facial expressions. Zuko couldn’t tell what they were saying, but he recognized a secret conversation when he saw one. “I guess you’re coming home with us. You can sleep on the sofa.” </p>
<p>“What?” Zuko asked. “You don’t even know me. Why would you do that?” </p>
<p>“Would you prefer we left you here to freeze to death?” the guy asked. </p>
<p>“Sokka, he needs a hot bath and a hot plate of food,” Katara said. So that cute guy’s name was Sokka. Noted. </p>
<p>“Agreed,” Sokka said, looking Zuko over. Then, he started driving. </p>
<p>Once the car was moving and the heat started to settle in and Zuko could almost think straight, he realized how bad this was. They were taking him home because they thought he was some helpless homeless teen. They had no idea who he was and if they found out they’d be sure to contact the proper authorities. Hiding the mayor’s son – especially when the mayor was feared throughout Ba Sing Se and likely already had a warrant out for Zuko – was not something any ordinary people would be stupid enough to do. As soon as they turned on the news and recognized his very recognizable face being reported as a runaway, he was fucked. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>*           *          *          *          *</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Once Li had taken a hot bath and changed into some borrowed sweat pants and a borrowed hoodie of Sokka’s, he re-entered the living room. Aang and Toph had woken up while Sokka and Katara were gone. They were waiting patiently for the mystery guy, perched on the sofa and only half watching the Scooby-Doo episode Katara had put on to distract them from their endless questions about Li. It was a show they could all enjoy most of the time, even Toph liked following the mysteries, jokes, and music even though she couldn’t see. The more questions they asked about Li ‘does he have a last name?’ ‘where are his parents?’ ‘is he from Ba Sing Se?’ the more Sokka and Katara became exhausted because they didn’t have any answers. </p>
<p>Sokka found himself forgetting his many questions about Li when Li entered the room in the borrowed outfit, though. He had noticed before that Li was attractive – Sokka was pretty sure anyone with eyes would notice that much – but seeing him in Sokka’s clothes? In those sweat pants? With his hair messy and wet from the bath? It was kind of a lot to take in and Sokka was just like, having a hard time forming thoughts, okay? </p>
<p>Li was just standing there awkwardly. </p>
<p>“Hey, come watch TV with us,” Aang offered Li a shy smile. </p>
<p>“I should get going,” Li edged towards the front door. </p>
<p>“Where do you think you’re going at-” Katara checked her phone – “eleven o’clock at night in the snow?” </p>
<p>“My parents are waiting for me.” </p>
<p>“Great, we’ll give you a ride in the pickup truck,” Katara said. </p>
<p>“I prefer walking.” </p>
<p>“So like, what is wrong with you?” Toph asked. “Are you actually delusional or what?” Sokka sighed. ‘Ever tactful,’ he though. She wasn’t wrong though. Li was acting shady as hell. </p>
<p>“You’re not going out there, man,” Sokka said. “Just come sit with us. You can stay on the sofa for tonight.” </p>
<p>“So, this is a kidnapping?” </p>
<p>“Think of it more as a forced sleepover with new friends,” Sokka suggested. </p>
<p>“Kidnapping’s cool with me!” Toph beamed. “It’s a bucket list item for me.” </p>
<p>“Kidnapping is on your bucket list?” Aang asked. </p>
<p>“I like to keep things exciting.” </p>
<p>“Just the kind of person I want as a new friend,” Li said in a dry voice. </p>
<p>“Well your options are limited,” Katara reminded him. </p>
<p>Li sighed, and walked over to the sofa. He sat down on the end, as far away from everyone else as he could get. They watched the rest of the twenty-minute cartoon and Katara turned off the TV. Toph and Aang both whined and complained but when Katara nodded pointedly to Li, who’s eyes were starting to close, they conceded and went off to bed. </p>
<p>Katara pulled Sokka to the side conspiratorily. “How are we going to make sure he doesn’t run away in the night?” </p>
<p>“Okay, this isn’t like an actual kidnapping,” Sokka said. “At a certain point there’s not much we can do if he really wants to leave.” </p>
<p>“You and I both know he’d just go back to his car and probably freeze to death.” </p>
<p>“Again though, kidnapping is like, a capital offense. Probably like, a felony or something.” </p>
<p>Katara rolled her eyes. “Think of it as softcore kidnapping.” </p>
<p>“You two realize I can hear you, right?” Li asked. </p>
<p>Sokka and Katara both turned to look at him on the couch. </p>
<p>“Fine,” Sokka conceded. “I’ll sleep down here. I’ll just set up next to the couch.” </p>
<p>Katara nodded. “I’ll get some blankets and pillows.” </p>
<p>She disappeared upstairs. Sokka was left awkwardly standing in the middle of the room while Li stared at him from the couch. It felt like a long time before Katara returned with her arms filled with blankets and pillows. She handed some to Sokka and some to Li. Then, she said her goodnights, giving Sokka a pointed look, and went to her room. </p>
<p>“I don’t need a babysitter,” Li said, glaring as he set up his pillows and blankets. </p>
<p>“Agree to disagree,” Sokka suggested, setting up his space on the ground. </p>
<p>Once he was set up, he turned off the lights, then returned to his space on the ground and stretched out. It was quiet, but Sokka could feel the waves of tension rolling off Li like electricity. He peeked up at him and saw that he was lying there like a plank. Sokka scooted away so he was looking up at Li at an angle so he could see his face. His eyes were wide open, just staring. And yeah, okay so in the dim light of the moon shining through the windows his eyes were caramel-y and very pretty, but that wasn’t the issue. It was creepy, him just staring like that. </p>
<p>“Would you quit staring at me?” Li snapped, glaring down at Sokka. </p>
<p>Oh. Okay, so maybe staring worked both ways. </p>
<p>“Sorry,” Sokka whispered. “You just look really tense.” </p>
<p>“Might have to do with being kidnapped.” </p>
<p>“Softcore kidnapped. Jeez.” </p>
<p>Li closed his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose. He seemed to be trying to breathe in and out slowly. Sokka watched in fascination. Li was obviously furious right now but like, they hadn’t really done anything wrong. What did Li want to have happened here? For them to have not come and rescued him? To be sitting in his car in just a T-shirt freezing right now? </p>
<p>“Sokka.” </p>
<p>“What?” </p>
<p>“I’m never going to sleep if you don’t stop staring at me.” </p>
<p>“Right. Sorry.” He closed his eyes. “Goodnight.” </p>
<p>“Night.”</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. french toast & unsolved mysteries</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Zuko endures the gaang's hospitality. </p>
<p>Iroh has an unexpected visitor at the tea shop. </p>
<p>Sokka makes a mistake. </p>
<p>CW: mentions of physical child abuse &amp; PTSD, discussions of a real-life violent crime (in the context of watching a true crime show) + an incident involving unintended unwanted physical touch</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Zuko was surprised when morning came and although everyone was on their phones and therefore obviously not cut off from the world or the news, no one freaked out and accused him of being the mayor’s runaway son or threatened to call the police. Maybe they’d called 911 while he was asleep. They all seemed calm though. </p>
<p>The house had a sleepy vibe and the smell of fresh coffee and something sweet was drifting in from the kitchen. Toph and Aang had come into the living room and were laughing about someone called ‘Appa’ knocking Aang over with kisses. Sokka was sitting beside the sofa, leaning against it, and playing on a Nintendo Switch. The chirping of his Animal Crossing characters must have been what woke Zuko up. </p>
<p>Zuko yawned and stretched, sitting up and looking around. </p>
<p>“Morning sleepyhead,” Sokka said, looking up. </p>
<p>“What time is it?” Zuko asked. </p>
<p>“So do you not have a phone? Or a watch? Or anything?” Toph asked. “You get more mysterious every day, Scamp.”</p>
<p>“It’s a little past nine,” Aang said. </p>
<p>“This is only the second day you’ve known me,” Zuko muttered, rubbing his eyes. “And hold on - Scamp?”  </p>
<p>“Lady and the Tramp’s son. Or do you not know Disney movies?” </p>
<p>“I know Disney movies, I’m just – ugh, never mind.” </p>
<p>“Breakfast!” Katara called. </p>
<p>Zuko followed the others to the kitchen where Katara had prepared a huge plate of French toast. Everyone grabbed several pieces. Zuko just stood in the doorway, unsure if he was invited in. He rocked back and forth on his feet, debating taking this opportunity to leave. Except, where would he go? Back to his car which had no gas and a flat tire? </p>
<p>“Come on Li, grab some food,” Aang encouraged. </p>
<p>Zuko looked at Katara and she gave him a small smile. He entered, grabbed a plate from the stack on the counter, and put a piece of French toast on it. Everyone got mugs of coffee, and Zuko had a steaming mug thrust into his hands by Katara. Katara handed out forks, and they all sat around the table.</p>
<p>“Has anyone fed Appa?” Katara asked. </p>
<p>“Yep, just now,” Aang said. “He was so excited to see me. I’m gonna go out after breakfast and hang out with him for a while. He gets lonely when s o m e o n e decides to let Momo sleep indoors without him.” He glared at Toph, although she didn’t seem to notice and continued eating. Zuko noticed for the first time that her eyes were milky blue, almost white. She must be blind. Wait…hadn’t she been driving when he first met her? Zuko shelved that thought for later. These people just kept getting weirder. </p>
<p>“Do you guys just live here without any adults?” Zuko blurted out. It was killing him. They were acting like a bunch of roommates but Sokka, who appeared to the oldest, couldn’t be much older than Zuko. </p>
<p>“No,” Sokka laughed. “Our dad is just out of town.” Oh, okay that made a lot more sense. </p>
<p>“Well, I should probably leave before he comes back,” Zuko said. </p>
<p>“Right,” Toph said in a sarcastic voice. “Look dude, where are you planning to go with a flat tire?” </p>
<p>“Well, I’m not just going to assume you’re all planning on kidnapping me for life,” Zuko said, starting to get annoyed. “Once your father gets home I’m sure he’ll-” Zuko stopped himself, pressing his lips together. He’d been about to say ‘call the police.’ There was no need to put the idea in their heads if it wasn’t already there though. </p>
<p>The group didn’t even seem to notice he’d stopped talking mid-sentence. They were all too busy digging into their French toast. “I wouldn’t be so sure,” Aang shrugged, looking up from his food at Zuko. “Hakoda is a big softie. I was in foster care for awhile and he ended up adopting me.” </p>
<p>“And I just ran away from home and decided I live here now,” Toph said, looking proud of herself. </p>
<p>Zuko stared around at them, blankly. What was this, a group home for troubled teens? Well, he hadn’t run away in search of becoming a charity case. A small voice in the back of his head asked him exactly what he HAD planned on achieving, but he told that voice to shut up. </p>
<p>“Anyway, you wanna come meet Appa after breakfast?” Aang asked. “I have a feeling you’ll like him. We can go for a ride.” </p>
<p>Zuko sighed, and took a bite of the French toast. He didn’t answer Aang. He assumed that Appa must be a horse. He’d been horse backing riding plenty of times growing up and he didn’t mind it but it wasn’t his top priority right now. He needed to come up with a plan. A plan for what, he wasn’t sure yet but a plan seemed necessary. </p>
<p>It occurred to him that he hadn’t eaten since lunch with Azula prepared by the servants the previous day. He realized he was starving, and devoured the slice of French toast within minutes. He sat there afterward, sipping his coffee and trying not to look at the stack of French toast in the middle of the table. He was not imposing on these strange people any more than they absolutely forced him to. His stomach was grumbling though. </p>
<p>Katara was looking at him funny. She exchanged a look with Sokka, and they both giggled. Zuko glared at them. </p>
<p>“Um, you want another piece of French toast, Li?” Katara asked. </p>
<p>“No.” </p>
<p>She picked up two more pieces and tossed them onto his plate, grabbing a second helping for herself as well. Everyone else also reached forward and grabbed more. Zuko gaped at her. What was her problem? </p>
<p>“I said no thank you,” he said, glaring at her. </p>
<p>Sokka rolled his eyes, reached across the table with his fork, and tore off a piece of the French toast on Zuko’s plate, and ate it while maintaining eye contact. Zuko continued to glare. Sokka smirked at him as he chewed. These were the most impossible people Zuko had ever met. </p>
<p>“What?” Sokka said around a mouthful of food. “I thought you said no thank you.” </p>
<p>Zuko glared at Sokka as he cut off a bite with his fork and shoved it into his mouth. Now Katara, Sokka, Toph and Aang were all giggling. Zuko continued to glare as he slowly finished his serving of French toast and coffee. </p>
<p>After breakfast, the group argued amicably over who’s turn it was to do dishes and ended up all working together to get the kitchen clean. Zuko found himself with a hand towel drying plates and stacking them in the cupboard. He had intended to slip out, but Sokka had shoved the towel into his hand and asked him to dry while he rinsed.</p>
<p>Once the kitchen was clean, Zuko tried again. “Well, I really should be going.” </p>
<p>“No, you have to come meet Appa,” Aang said, grabbing his wrist. “Come on, I’ll take you for a ride. Anyone else wanna come along? We could go down the trail and see if the waterfall’s frozen.” </p>
<p>Zuko yanked his wrist back, feeling irritated that these kids all seemed to be very touchy feely. He’d noticed it before, when they first met him the previous day and Sokka had clapped him on the shoulder. It was startling. Zuko wasn’t used to sudden physical touch that wasn’t – well, violent. </p>
<p>Uncle Iroh was a hugger but although they’d never discussed it, Uncle always explained when he wanted to go in for a hug and so Zuko could endure without tensing up too much. </p>
<p>Zuko didn’t hang out socially with anyone other than Azula, Mai and Ty Lee. The idea of any of them showing casual affection was downright laughable. He and Azula had sometimes played games like tag, or wrestling when they were younger. Zuko had even given his little sister frequent piggyback rides at one point in time. That had been years ago though. Now, he was used to maintaining distance. He couldn’t remember the last time anyone had grabbed his wrist in a friendly gesture. Sudden movements were followed by sudden hurt. He didn’t want to think about that now though, so he shoved the thought aside.</p>
<p>“It’s freezing out there,” Toph said grumpily. “I’m staying here.” </p>
<p>“I have to work on that essay that’s due when fall break is over,” Katara said. </p>
<p>“Later losers,” Sokka said, following Aang and Zuko out of the kitchen. </p>
<p>Sokka and Aang both disappeared when they got into the living room, and Zuko waited by the front door for them. Sokka went upstairs and Aang headed off down the hall. A few minutes later Katara and Toph entered the living room. Toph sat down on the sofa and plugged in earphones. Katara disappeared upstairs and returned a minute later with a laptop. She sat down on the sofa and started typing away and Toph put her feet on Katara’s lap. It was a very comfortable scene that made Zuko deeply uncomfortable. The closest he got to anything like this at home was when he sat by the duck pond and read and Azula came over and sat twenty feet away and studied or worked on homework without actively throwing things at him or mocking him. </p>
<p>“Here!” Sokka shoved a fluffy blue coat into Zuko’s hands. “It’s an extra.” </p>
<p>“Oh.” Zuko felt kind of choked up and then he felt like a complete idiot. He cleared his throat. “Thank you.” </p>
<p>It turned out Appa was a snow-white bison and he was large enough that Aang, Sokka and Zuko could all ride him with no problem. He was very fluffy and very sweet and Zuko couldn’t help but like him. He didn’t want to like him – he wanted to be annoyed that these strange kids were forcing him to go on some stupid bison riding adventure when he should be trying to find a way to get further from Ba Sing Se and his father – but this was pretty fun. </p>
<p>As soon as the thought crossed his mind he became angry with himself and reminded himself that he shouldn’t be thinking about fun right now. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>*           *          *          *          *</p>
<p>The Jasmine Dragon was packed, almost shoulder to shoulder. The first snow of the year always brought many customers, eager to get out of the cold and have a hot beverage. It helped that it was Sunday afternoon. So, Iroh didn’t notice right away as he normally would have when his niece entered the shop. He was laughing along with two gentlemen who had come in together. One was sharing an amusing anecdote about his four children convincing him to rescue a lemur being sold at a garage sale of all places on a hot summer day. In the end, he had conceded more out of worry that the poor thing would die of heat stroke if they didn’t than anything else. </p>
<p>“That was one of the many moments I realized how much I loved you and your family,” the man who Iroh recalled being named Bato said, pressing a kiss to the other man’s cheek. Iroh smiled warmly at them. </p>
<p>“Uncle,” Azula said in a cold voice. </p>
<p>He turned to see that his niece was standing a few feet from him, her hands on her hips. She looked upset, which was something. Azula never looked like she was feeling any emotion. She was glaring, but there was panic in her eyes. Iroh was immediately concerned and gave her his full attention. </p>
<p>“Azula,” he said, smiling at her despite his worry. “How can I help you?” </p>
<p>“I need to talk to you immediately,” she said. “It’s an urgent matter.” </p>
<p>“Of course,” Iroh said. He turned to his customers. “Excuse me,” he said. </p>
<p>He walked through the crowded shop and made his way behind the counter and into the kitchen with Azula following. Iroh prided himself on his level-headedness, but he was feeling sick with worry. Ozai was out of town for business and Iroh had, as always, told his brother that Azula and Zuko should consider him their emergency contact. As always, Ozai had merely glared and told Iroh that wouldn’t be necessary as they’d have an entire mansion filled with servants tending to their every need. </p>
<p>Azula never came to the Jasmine Dragon though. She rarely interacted with Iroh if she could avoid it. He tried bonding with her every time he saw her – getting her to play Pai Sho, or to discuss things she was interested in - but she was never interested. The closest he normally got was when he got her talking about crime. Getting Azula to list off serial killer facts was as close to bonding as she got. If she was here, and she was worried, something was very, very wrong. </p>
<p>“It’s Zuko,” she said. </p>
<p>Iroh’s eyes widened. </p>
<p>“He’s fine,” Azula waved a hand. “Well, for now. He’s decided – foolishly I might add – to run away. Father is out of town and therefore still unaware of Zuko’s childish behavior. If he returns home this instant, perhaps he can escape having the rest of his face burned off.” </p>
<p>Iroh took a second to process that. Zuko had finally decided to run away. His heart was heavy considering that Zuko had not decided to come straight to him. He’d always been weary of disrupting Ozai’s family too much – there was always the danger of being cut off from his nephew and niece. Still, he should’ve made it more clear to Zuko that he was always welcome. </p>
<p>“Well?” Azula asked. Her hands were back on her hips and she tapped her foot in a fast rhythm. “Do you know where he is?”  </p>
<p>“No,” Iroh said. </p>
<p>“If you’re lying,” Azula said, narrowing her eyes in a way that was very much like her father, “it will be Zuko who pays for it.” </p>
<p>“I am not lying to you, niece,” Iroh said. “When did you last see Zuko?” </p>
<p>“Yesterday afternoon. Do you know where he would have gone?” </p>
<p>“I don’t,” Iroh said. </p>
<p>Azula was adept at latching onto the tiniest hint of vulnerability, a trait she had inherited from her father. “I see,” she said in a cold voice with just a hint of amusement, “you really don’t, do you?” </p>
<p>Iroh gave her a sad smile, and shook his head. </p>
<p>Azula seemed to be mulling something over in her mind. She was staring at him in a calculating way. Iroh let her think it through. Pressing her to speak before she was ready would more than likely scare her off, and he needed to find out as much as he could about Zuko’s decision to leave. </p>
<p>At last, Azula spoke. “I suppose I haven’t made this clear enough for an old fool like you to understand,” she said. “Father is returning home this evening. If he returns and Zuko is still missing, he will use his considerable influence to organize a search. He will find Zuko and he will punish him for his insolence.” </p>
<p>There had been no request there, and no plea for help – at least not outright. Azula spoke with an absolute certainty that Iroh was sure she was right to have about Ozai’s ability to locate Zuko. She even snuck a vindictive hint of enjoyment into her tone when mentioning Zuko’s potential punishment. When she was finished, the corners of her mouth lifted a tiny bit. </p>
<p>Iroh knew that pointing out the falseness of her smile would do no good. She would deny it to him and herself. But she also wouldn’t be here if she weren’t trying to make sure Zuko got home before Ozai did. Perhaps there was hope for her yet. </p>
<p>There was still the matter of finding Zuko though. </p>
<p>“Have you tried calling him?” he asked. </p>
<p>Azula rolled her eyes. “Do you want to see my call history? I’ve called him almost two-hundred times. He’s either blocked my number or thrown his phone away.” For a moment, a shadow seemed to cross her face but it was gone before Iroh could be sure what he’d seen.  When she spoke again, her voice was a bit too steady. She sounded robotic. “Do you know if my father tracks our phone calls?” she asked without meeting his eyes. </p>
<p>“You would have a better idea about that than me,” Iroh said, but he frowned. She was right. If Ozai were tracking his children’s calls and texts, he’d see that she was calling her brother on repeat when they were both supposed to be at home. </p>
<p>There was nothing to be done about it now, though. “I’ll try calling him,” Iroh said, pulling his phone from the pocket in his cargo shorts and dialing. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>*           *          *          *          *</p>
<p>Either Li was somewhat slow or he was hiding something. Sokka noticed it throughout the day. He never looked up right away when one of them said his name. He was jumpy, too. Every sudden movement made his eyes fill with panic. </p>
<p>He seemed to almost enjoy the ride on Appa and the frozen waterfall, which was very pretty. He hated the snowball fight Sokka initiated though, and ended it by responding to Sokka and Aang’s lighthearted snowballs aimed at his sides with icy snowballs in their faces. He was grumpy on the way back, and when they got inside he tried to refuse the hot chocolate Katara made them. Obviously, that didn’t go well. Refusing Katara never did. </p>
<p>Toph was annoyed she had missed the snowball fight, and was trying to get them to have another. </p>
<p>“Maybe later,” Aang said, sipping his hot chocolate. </p>
<p>“The snow will be melted later,” Toph complained. </p>
<p>Sokka left them to their bickering, and headed to the living room. He sat down on the sofa, and turned on an episode of Unsolved Mysteries. Li followed him in and stood near the sofa, looking curiously at the TV. Sokka glanced up. </p>
<p>“Wanna sit, Li?” he asked. </p>
<p>Li hesitated, but sat. </p>
<p>They watched in silence, sipping their hot chocolate. Sokka kept glancing sideways at Li, who was sitting as far as possible from Sokka on the sofa. Sokka understood that he was a physically affectionate person by nature and not everyone was like that, but there was something that anyone would consider a bit odd about the way Li leaned away form him. It was almost offensive. </p>
<p>“My sister is obsessed with this show,” Li commented towards the end of the episode. “What do you think happened to Rey Rivera?” </p>
<p>“I think he was murdered for sure,” Sokka said. </p>
<p>“Well yes of course, but how? And why?” Li pressed. </p>
<p>“Well, the Free Masons were clearly involved.” </p>
<p>“Clearly. Az-” Li stopped himself. “My sister thinks he discovered some secret about their organization and tried to share it with the world in his supposed suicide note.” </p>
<p>“Ooh, I can see it,” Sokka said. </p>
<p>Li seemed to be getting more comfortable, and twisted his body so he was facing Sokka. He even leaned towards him a bit. Sokka couldn’t help but feel appreciative of the proximity. He was only human and Li was so cute it made him want to die. </p>
<p>“My sister and I spent an afternoon on Reddit trying to decode the note once,” Li said. “When you look at the shape of the paper and the way it’s spaced, it spells ‘Help.’ Look it up.” </p>
<p>Sokka pulled out his phone and googled ‘Rey Rivera note.’ He found the Reddit page Li was talking about without much trouble. Li scooted over more, and leaned over Sokka’s shoulder to look at the page. Sokka felt his breath catch in his lungs. Li was very warm, and he smelled like a bath bomb and the cologne Sokka may or may not have sprayed on the coat he leant him. </p>
<p>“See?” Li asked. “It’s right there!” </p>
<p>Sokka couldn’t help but smile despite the dark subject matter of their conversation. He was disturbed the mystery in the episode, but glad Li was lightening up a bit. He tried to angle the phone so they could both see it, and shifted his position. As he did so, he put his hand on Li’s knee. </p>
<p>It happened very fast. </p>
<p>Li shoved Sokka’s hand away and shot away on the couch so he was on the opposite end. Sokka dropped his phone but he hardly noticed. He could see that Li was upset and he felt horrible. He’d only been trying to get comfortable and allow them both to look at the Reddit page but it was clear he’d messed up. </p>
<p>“Sorry!” he said. “I didn’t mean anything by that.”</p>
<p>“No, I’m sorry,” Li said in a hurried voice. His face was bright red. “I overreacted.” </p>
<p>“You didn’t,” Sokka said, shaking his head. “I overstepped a boundary. It’s my bad.” </p>
<p>Li closed his eyes for a second and seemed to try to compose his face into a smile. He looked miserable. Sokka felt more like shit than before. </p>
<p>“Just forget it,” Li said. “Want to watch another episode?” </p>
<p>Sokka gave him a tentative smile. “Sure.” He could’ve sworn Li’s returning smile was genuine. </p>
<p>There was a knock at the door. Sokka hit pause, and went to answer. It was much too early for Hakoda and Bato to be home. Maybe their neighbor was checking in?</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. eating in bed</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Azula, Mai &amp; Ty Lee search for Zuko. </p>
<p>The gaang finds out that "Li" hasn't been entirely honest with them. </p>
<p>Sokka overhears a shocking phone conversation. </p>
<p>Iroh learns why Zuko ran away. </p>
<p>CW: some (nonexplicit) references to physical child abuse, some discussion of &amp; making light of a real-life violent crime (in the context of watching a true crime show)</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Azula drove her Cadillac up and down the streets of Ba Sing Se while Ty Lee fiddled with the radio and sang along to the Taylor Swift song about sneaking around behind her boyfriend’s back that was blaring. Mai sat in the back, stony faced. Ty Lee was getting on Azula’s last nerve. As her voice rose and  octave too high, Azula slammed the button that turned the radio off. </p>
<p>“You do realize this is meant to be a tracking mission, not a joy ride, correct?” she snapped.</p>
<p>“Sorry,” Ty Lee said in a small voice. </p>
<p>They drove in silence. Azula pulled into the mall parking lot. Zuko wasn’t the type to spend his days browsing the mall, but other teens would be here – teens who would know Zuko from school. They could ask around. </p>
<p>She was furious that Iroh had been so utterly useless earlier. She was furious that Zuko had been so stupid and selfish and left her in this mess. She was furious that her friends weren’t taking the situation seriously. </p>
<p>She’d LIED to Father. That was the thing that kept coming up and making her head spin. She’d never done that before. It had been a small lie – if she hadn’t spoken to Iroh about Zuko running away and therefore said out loud to another person that she knew Zuko was gone – she could’ve almost believed the lie herself. </p>
<p>She’d told Father she didn’t notice Zuko was gone. It was almost believable. She might’ve been busy. She might’ve been studying. Except she wasn’t and she hadn’t. She’d been actively calling Zuko and searching for him. </p>
<p>In a few hours, the sun would set on the city. The snow was almost melted. Zuko still wasn’t back and it was too late. </p>
<p>She had betrayed everything she stood for – being a faithful and trustworthy daughter – and lied to protect herself. Father would be furious with her for keeping Zuko’s decision from his as long as she had. She’d been trying to buy Zuko time and she’d failed. It was a hard pill to swallow but she had to admit this truth to herself. If she ever saw Zuko again he’d better kiss the ground she walked on. </p>
<p>She could have killed Zuko for putting her in this position if it weren’t for the fact that she was in this position because she was trying to save his life. She’d tried to buy him some time to make the right decision and come home but it was too late now. If he was found, she didn’t know what would happen but she knew it wouldn’t be good. She had no choice but to actually look of course. Father had asked her to and besides, Zuko couldn’t stay gone forever. If she happened to spend a lot of time looking in places Zuko was unlikely to be and asking people who were unlikely to have seen him, well she was just being thorough. </p>
<p>“What are we doing at the mall?” Mai asked. </p>
<p>“We’re asking around,” Azula snapped, getting out of the car and slamming her door. </p>
<p>Mai and Ty Lee also got out, and Azula clicked the button on her keys to lock the doors and started marching towards the entrance. Mai and Ty Lee followed on her heels. Her father had suggested that the three of them work together to try and gain information from Zuko’s peers while he organized police officers and one bounty hunter – June – to search the city. She was well aware their mission was mostly to keep them occupied. Which was a relief in the sense that she wasn’t excited about being responsible for what would happen to Zuko when he was found, but which hurt because her father didn’t trust her to do more.  </p>
<p>She felt sick to her stomach and twisted up inside and she was doing her best to overcompensate for her uncharacteristically mixed feelings with the level of authority in everything she did. She was aware that this was causing her to be more bitchy than usual to Mai and Ty Lee. Well, her brother was missing. They could suck it up. </p>
<p>Ozai had reacted with calm anger when Azula explained to him that she hadn’t realized Zuko was missing until minutes before Ozai’s return. She could tell he didn’t quite believe her, even though she’d practiced her delivery of the lie in the mirror again and again. Father was a human lie detector though. That was why Azula had never lied to him before. That and her deep respect for his authority. Ozai had stated that he was concerned for Zuko’s safety, and therefore needed to find him immediately. </p>
<p>Right. His safety. Azula was certain she deserved an Oscar for not snorting at that line. Ozai was concerned about his PR, like he always was. A missing son wasn’t a big PR winner. Certain pretenses had to be upkept though, she understood that. </p>
<p>At least he didn’t know WHY Zuko was missing. And he never would. She would make sure of that. Both her life and her brother’s relied on her ability to keep that detail from their father. </p>
<p>She should’ve never trusted Zuko. She would never be able to forgive him for reacting this way to her poor decision to tell him the truth about Ursa’s disappearance. After this, if they both survived, she would be sure to avoid treating him like a confidante ever again. It had been a foolish mistake, the sort of thing Ursa herself or Zuko might’ve done. She would not be so foolish again. </p>
<p>She should’ve known. Zuko was older, but she was smarter and more mature. She didn’t react to every tiny piece of information with emotional outbursts and she didn’t run away at the slightest hint of a dark family secret. It was why Ozai favored her and it was why Zuko had never been able to thrive under Father’s rule the way she did. He was weak. He was emotional. And he was likely going to pay for it despite her attempts to help him. There was only so much she could do without putting herself in danger. Hell, she’d already put herself in danger by keeping his disappearance from Ozai for as long as she had. How much farther was she going to have to take this? </p>
<p>She entered the mall and spotted a group of girls and guys who looked around their age. She marched over to them, Mai and Ty Lee still on her heels. They all just stared at her. She crossed her arms and glared. </p>
<p>“Can we help you?” asked one of the girls, obviously trying to hold back a snicker. </p>
<p>“I’m looking for my brother,” Azula said. She pulled out a printed picture from several years ago Ozai had given her, and showed it to the group. She had better pictures on her phone from their latest weekend trip to the ocean with Mai and Ty Lee but far be it for her to show a less blurry picture if this is the one her father wanted her to show people. </p>
<p>“Zuko?” asked one of the girls. “Yeah, he’s in my class.” </p>
<p>“Well, have you seen him in the past two days?” </p>
<p>The girl giggled. “No,” she said. “He’s a bit of a loner.” </p>
<p>Azula crumpled the picture up and threw it at the girl’s face, then she marched away. She could hear Ty Lee apologizing to the girl and when she glanced behind her she saw Mai pick up the picture. Azula had plenty more print outs in the car, but maybe Mai was worried about litter or maybe she was just trying to help. Azula didn’t know or care. She just wanted something to report back to Father –  a sighting would’ve been good. A sighting was concrete enough to please Father but it probably wasn’t enough to lead them to Zuko. </p>
<p>Then her phone dinged. She stopped and looked at the text. It was from an unfamiliar number. ‘Thanks for trying. I can’t stay there anymore though. I’m sorry.’ </p>
<p> </p>
<p>*           *          *          *          *</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Who was that old man?” asked Sokka. </p>
<p>“Why did he give you a phone?” asked Katara. </p>
<p>“Why did he say to tell your sister that you’re safe but not where you are?” asked Aang. </p>
<p>“Are you a Russian Sleeper agent?” asked Toph. </p>
<p>“He’s not that old. He was my uncle.” </p>
<p>“So you ARE a Russian Sleeper agent!” </p>
<p>“No, Toph.” </p>
<p>“Why did he keep calling you Zuko?” Aang pressed. </p>
<p>“That’s my name.” </p>
<p>“So you lied to us,” Katara said, narrowing her eyes. </p>
<p>Zuko sighed. They were sitting in the living room and everyone was staring at him. He couldn’t believe Uncle had found him so fast. It didn’t bode well for his ability to hide from Ozai. Uncle Iroh had tried to convince Zuko to come home and move in with him, but Zuko had refused. He didn’t think he could go back to the city. He couldn’t look at Ozai again. He wasn’t even sure he could look at Azula again considering she’d known the truth about their mother this entire time. </p>
<p>He hadn’t said any of this to Iroh. Part of him hated Azula for keeping Ozai’s secret for as long as she had. The vindictive way she’d shared it had been cruel and it was obvious she’d enjoyed watching his shock. He was sure she would have betrayed him were the situations reversed. She didn’t care about him and he would be smart to tell Uncle what she’d told him. She was still his little sister though. He would not betray her confidence by telling anyone else what she’d told him. Doing so would put her in danger from Ozai and Zuko knew just what Ozai was capable of. Whatever her motives, she’d risked a lot to tell him the truth and for that he owed her. </p>
<p>“Are you going to answer any of our questions or what?” Sokka asked. </p>
<p>The betrayal in Sokka’s eyes hurt. Zuko looked around at all of them and felt horrible. They’d taken him in, fed him, let him stay the night, and spent time with him. He’d put them in a shitty and unfair position and imposed on their hospitality. </p>
<p>“I have to leave,” he said. </p>
<p>“And go where?” Katara asked, her eyes flashing with anger. “If you were going home you’d have gone with your uncle. Tell us what’s going on.” </p>
<p>“I can’t,” Zuko said, looking down. “I’m sorry.” </p>
<p>Katara softened a little. “Why?” she pressed. </p>
<p>“It’s complicated,” Zuko said. “If I told you everything I’d be betraying someone else.” </p>
<p>“Okay I’m starting to see why you like Unsolved Mysteries,” Sokka said. “Your life is like an episode.” </p>
<p>“I’m more of a Buzzfeed Unsolved guy,” Zuko shrugged. “It’s my sister who loves Unsolved Mysteries. She says Buzzfeed Unsolved puts too much emphasis on humor.” </p>
<p>Katara glared at him. “I think this conversation is getting off topic,” she said. She sighed and met Zuko’s eyes. “Okay, so you can’t tell us everything. Just give us something though.” </p>
<p>Zuko considered. They had, after all, taken him in off the street. He supposed he owed them something. “I ran away because my sister told me a family secret she wasn’t supposed to know and I couldn’t take it. I just left. My dad and I didn’t exactly get along anyway.” They all stared at him. “So, that’s it!” he said, hoping they’d look away. They didn’t. </p>
<p>“What kind of family secret?” Sokka asked.</p>
<p>Zuko pressed his lips together. He’d already come too close to exposing Azula. Ursa’s disappearance wasn’t discussed but it wasn’t as if the people of Ba Sing Se believed Zuko and Azula had been grown in a lab. Ursa had been a public figure for years. If these kids discovered Zuko’s true identity – and they already knew his real name now so they were close – they could probably put the pieces together. </p>
<p>“Alright, we need to have a family meeting,” Katara said. </p>
<p>They all nodded and followed Katara into the kitchen. Zuko remained on the sofa. He was debating whether he should’ve gone with Uncle Iroh, but every time he considered that he realized that he’d almost definitely have to see Ozai again if he went back. There was also the chance Ozai would take him back home and Iroh wouldn’t be able to do anything. Then Zuko might be in danger of more than just another burn mark. </p>
<p>Still, he was running out of options. He was staring at the flip phone Uncle had left debating whether to call Uncle and ask for a ride back to the city when the others re-entered the living room. Katara still looked mad. It was a few hours before sunset. The snow had melted at least. Maybe if he was lucky he could walk back to his car and sleep there. </p>
<p>“We’ve decided you can stay,” Sokka said, looking pleased with himself. “Based on an almost unanimous-” he shot Katara a look and Zuko had a feeling he knew who had been his naysayer – “vote.” </p>
<p>“Thank you,” Zuko said, feeling a wave of relief that he at least wouldn’t be sleeping in his car. “But what will your father say?” </p>
<p>“Like we told you Scamp,” Toph said, patting his shoulder and causing him to tense up, “Hakoda is a big softie. He’s not gonna kick you out.” </p>
<p> </p>
<p>*           *          *          *          *</p>
<p>Sokka didn’t m e a n to overhear Li’s – or rather, Zuko’s - conversation. He was sitting in the living room throwing a ball of yarn and watching Momo chase it. He’d had the news on and some super hot chick named June with tattoos had been talking about the mayor of Ba Sing Se’s son being missing or something, but when it switched to a clip of the mayor’s daughter instead of June talking, Sokka changed the channel. That girl had always creeped him out. It was something about the combination of the way she hero worshipped her dad and the lack of any emotion in her eyes. He didn’t really follow current events, but Ozai and his daughter Azula were always in the news talking about cracking down on crime. She was like, a child prodigy wannabe detective or something. Sokka wasn’t sure. </p>
<p>When he changed the channel it was an episode of It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia he’d seen a hundred times so he was only half watching. Zuko had gone out on the porch when the mysterious new phone his uncle had given him rang even though it was still pretty cold out there. The front window had never quite closed right though, and it turned out when he wasn’t feigning muteness, Zuko could be pretty loud. </p>
<p>“I said I was sorry.” Pause. “Oh, I’m being dramatic? You just said you were risking your life to protect me. Yeah right! I’m sure you can’t wait to run off and tell Father about this conversation. You’re probably listening for clues about where I am in the background.” Pause. “Well, because I didn’t think of that before I answered!” Another pause, this one longer than the others. “I know.” Zuko sounded defeated now, and Sokka wanted nothing more than to run out and give him a hug and tell him everything would be alright despite having no clue what was happening. “I know, okay? Maybe it’s best if we don’t talk again after this.” There was another pause and when Zuko spoke again, he sounded softer. “You know, I almost believe you. Yeah, okay, I’ll call again.” There was another pause. This time when Zuko spoke again he was back to being angry. “Because you can’t just drop a bomb like that and expect me to ignore it!” There was another pause. “It’s not a small matter. What is wrong with you? Murder is not a small matter! You’re sick, you know that? This conversation is over. I can’t do this. I can’t talk about this.” </p>
<p>Sokka gaped. When Zuko came back in he couldn’t stop himself from staring. Zuko seemed to realize he’d been overheard, and stuck the phone in his pocket. Sokka just stared at him wide eyed and slack jawed.</p>
<p>Zuko swallowed. “So, you heard all that huh?” </p>
<p> </p>
<p>*           *          *          *          *</p>
<p>Apparently Hakoda’s romantic trip to Ba Sing Se was being prolonged due to a great coupon deal at a local tea shop that he and his boyfriend Bato couldn’t refuse. Zuko had sat on the counter sipping a generic iced tea his uncle would have been furious with him for drinking while the others were on a Facetime call with Hakoda and Bato on Katara’s laptop. When Hakoda offered to come home anyway they all waved him off and insisted they were fine. </p>
<p>No one said anything about the mysterious boy with the flat tire who had showed up in their lives. </p>
<p>Zuko was just waiting for Sokka to drop the bomb on the others about the conversation he’d overheard between Zuko and Azula. Sokka hadn’t said anything yet though. Throughout the afternoon, Aang and Toph forced Zuko to help them make brownies, Katara forced him to help her clean the kitchen afterward, and every time he saw an opportunity Sokka tried to nod at Zuko to follow him into a room alone. Zuko played dumb every time. </p>
<p>It wasn’t until late evening when the sun was setting and Aang was outside brushing Appa in the backyard and Toph and Katara were doing face masks in Katara’s room that Zuko found himself alone with Sokka in the living room. They were sitting on the sofa. Zuko was trying hard to ignore the repeated ‘tell me where you are NOW’ texts from Azula and the ‘please nephew, come home and I can help you,’ texts from Uncle Iroh. </p>
<p>“I’m gonna order a pizza,” Sokka said. </p>
<p>“Great.” </p>
<p>“What kind of toppings do you like, Zuko? Or Li, or whatever your name is.” </p>
<p>“Um, any toppings are fine. And I’m sorry I lied to you about my name. It’s complicated.” </p>
<p>“If you say any toppings, just know that I’m getting a meat lover’s and you’re expected to eat it. And sure, sure, I mean normally mysterious phone drop offs and fake names and MURDERS are simple, but yeah I get how that could sometimes maybe be complicated.” </p>
<p>“Fine. I like pineapple.” </p>
<p>“Excuse me, what?” Sokka glared at him. </p>
<p>“I said I was sorry, Sokka. I offered to leave. I don’t know what else you want from me.” </p>
<p>“No, no I’m focusing on your pizza topping of choice now.” </p>
<p>“You shouldn’t have asked.” </p>
<p>“Yeah, I guess I shouldn’t have,” Sokka said, making a disgusted face. </p>
<p>He dialed the pizza place though, and when he ordered he got one half-pineapple. Once Sokka had ordered the pizza they sat in awkward silence for a few minutes. Zuko shifted on the sofa and tried to think of something to say. </p>
<p>“So, you like Buzzfeed Unsolved?” Sokka asked. </p>
<p>“Yeah…” </p>
<p>“It’s a. Fun show.” </p>
<p>“Funny,” Zuko agreed.</p>
<p>There was another lengthy pause. </p>
<p>“We could watch an episode on my laptop, if you want,” Sokka said.</p>
<p>“Ok.” </p>
<p>Zuko followed Sokka upstairs. It occurred to him that he hadn’t seen any of the house other than the common areas so far. Sokka hurried into his room ahead of Zuko and Zuko stood back a little as Sokka hurried around the room picking up clothes and comic books and art supplies and throwing them under the bed and into the closet. He turned towards the door and grinned with his hands behind his back when he saw Zuko standing there, watching him. </p>
<p>It was an endearing grin and Zuko couldn’t help but laugh a little. </p>
<p>The sound of the TV playing some soap opera downstairs made them both look up. “Ah, sounds like Katara turned on Riverdale,” Sokka said. “We could-”</p>
<p>“Watch Buzzfeed Unsolved in your room?” Zuko suggested in a hurry.</p>
<p>Sokka laughed. “Okay,” he said. “Um, sorry I don’t have more places to sit.” </p>
<p>Zuko felt butterflies shift in his stomach as he realized Sokka was eyeing the bed where the laptop was charging. In his mind, alarm bells were going off. He didn’t have a lot of experience with normal teenage life, but from what he understood based on shows like Riverdale, climbing into bed with another teen – especially someone who looked like Sokka – led to all sorts of terrifying and intense situations. </p>
<p>He realized Sokka was waiting from him to say something. “It’s fine,” he said. “I can just stand.” </p>
<p>Sokka stared at him. He seemed to be torn between amusement and embarrassment. “Do I smell bad or something?” he asked. </p>
<p>“What? No!” Zuko said, alarmed. “You smell amazing, like cinnamon and freshly washed laundry and-” he realized he was being a little too specific and back pedaled. “Not that I’ve noticed. I mean, I’m just saying you’re very – I just-”</p>
<p>“Don’t kill yourself, man,” Sokka laughed, sounding nervous which made Zuko even more nervous because so far he hadn’t seen Sokka get nervous. </p>
<p>“Sorry.” </p>
<p>“It’s fine. Um, we don’t have to watch anything in here. I know I overstepped earlier and I didn’t mean to, I swear-”</p>
<p>“No, it’s my fault, I’m such an idiot.” </p>
<p>“Hey, you’re not an idiot. You’ve got boundaries. Clearly, you’ve got a lot going on that I’m not even aware of. You’ve got nothing to feel bad about.” </p>
<p>They were still standing awkwardly in the middle of the room and Zuko kind of wanted the floor to open up and swallow him but another part of him – a curious part that he wasn’t at all sure how to deal with – wanted to climb into the bed and watch Buzzfeed Unsolved with Sokka. </p>
<p>What did he have to lose? </p>
<p>He swallowed and tried to look casual as he walked over to the bed and sat down, scooting to the side so he could lean against the wall. The bed was in the corner and there were a few pillows propped up for leaning against. “I’m fine. I don’t have boundaries.” Okay, maybe not his smoothest line. ‘I Don’t Have Boundaries?’ He wanted to slam his head into the wall at full force for that one. </p>
<p>Sokka looked relieved though, and walked over to sit down next to him. He opened up the laptop and loaded the episode. The bed wasn’t big, and their bodies were pressed together. At first, it was uncomfortable and Zuko had trouble paying attention to the show. </p>
<p>It was hard to be uncomfortable around Sokka for too long though. Sokka had a habit of throwing in his own jokes – which tended to be in poor taste and revolve around dead bodies – and his laugh was too adorable not to be endeared by. </p>
<p>At some point, the pizza arrived and Sokka left and came back with plates for both of them. He’d gotten himself several slices of the meat lover’s and Zuko a paper plate stacked with three slices of pineapple.</p>
<p>“Did they bring any red pepper flakes?” Zuko asked. </p>
<p>“You’re a needy little bitch aren’t you?” Sokka said, rolling his eyes. He left and returned with a handful of paper packets of red pepper flakes though. </p>
<p>He sat down on the bed, passing Zuko his plate. Zuko hesitated and didn’t take a bite immediately. Instead, he watched Sokka. He was trying not to remember once in middle school when he, Azula, Mai and Ty Lee had been having a sleepover and eaten popcorn in Azula’s bed while they watched Mulan. It wasn’t a memory that ended well and he found himself cringing away from the pizza that had looked appetizing less than a minute ago. </p>
<p>“What’s wrong?” Sokka asked, digging in. </p>
<p>“Your Father wouldn’t be mad if he found out about this?” </p>
<p>“Well, yeah,” Sokka laughed. “He might be a little mad at first. But like we said, he took in Aang and Toph. And Toph had a bit of a complicated situation at home too. She’d also cost him hundreds of dollars from breaking valuable antiques by the time he legally adopted her. To be fair, I think at the time he might’ve thought it was an accident,” he laughed fondly. </p>
<p>“That’s not what I meant,” Zuko said. “You’re allowed to eat in your room?” </p>
<p>Sokka shrugged. “I mean, I’ll wash my sheets tomorrow.” </p>
<p>“So you feel okay about this because your Father is not home.” </p>
<p>“We can go to the kitchen if you want,” Sokka said. “I just figured we could keep watching Buzzfeed Unsolved if we stay in here.” </p>
<p>“No, no,” Zuko found himself laughing. </p>
<p>There was something really Soft about the way Sokka was looking at him waiting for him to stop laughing and Zuko decided right then that he liked it here. Not just here sitting in bed eating pizza and watching Buzzfeed Unsolved – although he decidedly DID like it here specifically – but here in this house with these kids who had sounded so excited to talk to their Father on Facetime and teased him about the messy hotel room behind him and yelled hello’s to his boyfriend in the background. It was all very Soft and Zuko didn’t think he could stand the idea of leaving. </p>
<p>“What’s so funny?” Sokka asked. </p>
<p>“You. This house. It’s all just…a lot different than what I’m used to. Once my sister and our friends got caught with food in bed during a sleepover and I couldn’t walk for a week afterward.” </p>
<p>Sokka’s smile faded. “I’m sorry.” </p>
<p>“No, don’t be,” Zuko said, trying to keep his tone light. He didn’t like the pitying way Sokka was looking at him now and he was starting to regret saying anything. “I didn’t say that to like, bring down the mood or anything. I’m just saying. I don’t know. I feel comfortable here.” </p>
<p>Sokka was back to smiling and Zuko definitely liked that. “Good,” Sokka said. “Now let’s hear about this boy and his famous box.” </p>
<p>A minute later they were both giggling at Shane Madej’s interpretation of the titular ‘Boy in the Box’ in the episode being that the boy must live in a box and hate it there. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>*           *          *          *          *</p>
<p>Iroh followed Azula into the back garden as she marched away in an imperial way, trying to avoid him. Ozai was in a meeting with June discussing the search for Zuko. Iroh was worried giving his nephew the phone had been a bad idea, but at the same time he needed a way to stay in touch with Zuko. </p>
<p>“I’ve told you,” Azula snapped, turning on him as they reached the reflecting pond. “I don’t know where Zuko is or why he left.” </p>
<p>Iroh sighed. He could see in the firm set of her jaw and the cold detachment in her eyes that he’d lost her. The girl who was worried about her brother earlier had disappeared the moment Ozai returned. It was dark now and the shadows added to the sinister vibe Azula was attempting to give off. Iroh had always wanted to believe in his niece, but sometimes he had to admit she genuinely scared him. Not because he was scared of her, but because he was scared she was losing her way and becoming someone she couldn’t come back from. </p>
<p>He approached the pond. There were no ducks nearby, they’d all flown off when they saw Azula approaching. She was standing there with her arms crossed, giving him her firmest look. He needed to know why Zuko had left though. If he could find that out, perhaps he could convince his nephew to return. He’d often fantasized about taking full custody of Zuko but considered it a pipe dream. Zuko wasn’t as loyal to Ozai as Azula, but he’d never shown any desire to leave before. Something had changed and she knew what it was. </p>
<p>“Niece, I need to know what you said to Zuko before he left.” </p>
<p>Azula glared at him harder than before but Iroh could have sworn he saw pain flash across her face. Maybe not though because the next moment she was chuckling. </p>
<p>“You assume I had something to do with his decision,” she said. It wasn’t a question. </p>
<p>Iroh crossed the shadowy garden and put a hand on her shoulder. “He’s never shown signs of wanting to leave before, and it wasn’t a planned exit. Tell me what you said to him.” </p>
<p>She shook his hand off and laughed again. “You always assume the worst of me, Uncle. You’re right to of course, but it still hurts sometimes.” She smiled at him but the smile didn’t reach her eyes. “I merely told Zuko what happened to our mother.” </p>
<p>Iroh hadn’t expected that. What did Azula know about Ursa? She looked like she was enjoying this. Her demeanor gave away no hint that she was uncertain in what she was saying. </p>
<p>“What do you mean?” he asked her in almost a whisper. </p>
<p>“Oh, don’t look so surprised. Ozai is your brother, after all. You’re telling me you’ve never suspected what happened to her?” </p>
<p>Iroh shook his head. “Azula, you don’t understand. Whatever you think happened to your mother, you’re wrong.” </p>
<p>She laughed in his face, but for a moment she seemed uncertain. “Whatever I think? She’s dead.” </p>
<p>“No, she’s not.” </p>
<p>The cool calm Azula was exuding seemed to shatter and for a second the mask of wicked amusement was gone and she looked scared. Then, the mask was back. She shook her head and laughed again. </p>
<p>“I don’t believe you.”</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. lies my parents told me</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Zuko opens up to Sokka about his home life &amp; why it's hard for him to accept how nice it is to be around the gaang. </p>
<p>Hakoda &amp; Bato return from their trip to another child that looks like he might need to be adopted. </p>
<p>Azula asks Iroh why he believes Ursa is alive.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>cw: underage drinking, mentions of animal abuse, references to &amp; some descriptions of physical &amp; emotional child abuse</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Katara had convinced them – somewhat to Sokka’s disappointment – to come outside and make a bonfire to celebrate their last night with no adults. </p>
<p>Suki came over, which helped ebb away some of Sokka’s annoyance about leaving his bedroom where he and Zuko had been happily watching their Buzzfeed Unsolved marathon. She was gushing about some girl in Ba Sing Se she’d met on Tinder and she was in a great mood. According to Suki, Hira’a was a fine town and the surrounding nature was pretty but it was a terrible place to meet girls. She couldn’t stop raving about this rich girl called ‘Ty Lee’ she’d been out with a few times now. She’d also brought a bottle of tequila from the city which she’d obtained at a shop that didn’t ask for IDs from – in her words – “pretty girls.” Katara had eyed the tequila in that very Katara Way that made Sokka worry she was going to throw a fit but then Aang had whispered something in her ear and she’d giggled and even let him pour some in her 7-Up. </p>
<p>It turned out Zuko was amazing at building fires, and the process which normally would’ve taken the group’s combined efforts and at least an hour took only about twenty minutes. </p>
<p>The snow had melted but it was still chilly, especially with the sun having gone down and Sokka was quick to offer one of his many layers to Zuko, who had come out wearing only the sweats and lightweight hoodie Sokka had leant him. </p>
<p>Several cherry 7-UPs with tequila poured in later, Sokka found himself being pulled away from the fire by the waist by Suki. She was giggling and even though Sokka didn’t know why she was laughing, it was hard not to join in when Suki laughed. </p>
<p>“SO?” she asked. </p>
<p>Sokka leaned against her and glanced back at the fire. “So, it’s cold,” he whined. </p>
<p>“You’re not going back to the fire until you tell me about this mysterious city-boy,” Suki whispered in his ear. </p>
<p>He shoved her away, laughing. “There’s nothing to tell.” </p>
<p>“UH-HUH,” she said in her most obnoxious way. </p>
<p>Sokka burst into renewed laughs at the faux serious look on her face as she tried to maintain eye-contact with him without being able to stand without swaying. “I don’t know. Mysterious is putting it lightly. Plus he’s probably straight.” </p>
<p>“I’m just telling you from the Everything About Him that that dude is not straight.” </p>
<p>“You’ve always had terrible gaydar.” </p>
<p>“I’ve literally never been wrong once.” </p>
<p>“Hey! Come back to the fire! It’s time to tell scary stories!” Katara called to them. </p>
<p>“This conversation isn’t over, Mister,” Suki warned, poking him in the nose with her finger. </p>
<p>Sokka rolled his eyes and returned to the fire. He sat on the wooden bench beside Zuko where he’d been before and Suki winked at him. He stuck his tongue out at her and she giggled. </p>
<p>It turned out lowered inhibitions made Zuko a lot less averse to being physically close, because he scooted up on the bench beside Sokka and leaned against him a little and Sokka felt himself fill with warmth despite the cool breeze in the air. </p>
<p>Katara told the story of a little girl called Nini who had disappeared not far from their home and who's house was now abandoned. According to the story, sometimes smoke could still be seen coming from the chimney of the house where Nini had lived from time to time, and the lights would still turn on at night. Sokka had heard this story many times, but it gave him the chills every time. Part of the problem was that he couldn’t get Katara to tell him if it was true or not and that made it way creepier. He knew the house where this had supposedly happened, but he'd never been there past dark to see if the lights came on at night. </p>
<p>Ever since Zuko had freaked out when Sokka put his hand on his knee, Sokka had been very cautious about doing anything to make him uncomfortable. Now though, pressed together on the bench he was getting some pretty clear signals. Zuko kept trying to press against him despite them already sitting as close together as physically possible. If it weren’t for that, Sokka would have kept his distance. It was pretty obvious Zuko was fine with being close right now though so Sokka slowly – careful not to startle Zuko again – stretched and yawned and reached his arm around Zuko’s shoulder. His belly was dancing with butterflies. Zuko did tense up for a second but when Sokka looked at his face, he was smiling just a little. After a second, Zuko leaned into Sokka and they both leaned back against the bench and relaxed. </p>
<p>Sokka was having trouble focusing on anything other than the feeling of Zuko leaned against him, but he noticed Zuko seemed used to being served by other people and he asked whoever was getting themselves another drink to get him one too anytime someone got up. Sokka obviously wanted to keep up, so he also continuously asked for more drinks. The result was that both of them were very giggly and much more relaxed than normal and that Sokka wasn't as hesitant as he might've been to stay cuddled together.  </p>
<p>After a few hours, Suki had to go home and Katara offered to walk with her. It wasn’t far and no one was ever driving on these roads too late but it still wasn’t a bad idea to have a buddy. Sokka met Katara’s eyes and made her promise to let him know when she was home safe. He took note of the time so he would notice if she wasn’t back within a reasonable amount of time. </p>
<p>Aang and Toph had both passed out on the bench they were sharing with their heads resting against each other – whether from too many drinks or too much sugar was debatable considering the pile of candy wrappers near them. Sokka decided that he and Zuko should probably get up and help make sure these two got to bed. </p>
<p>“This is nice,” Zuko said, cuddling his head into Sokka’s shoulder and Sokka found his resolve to get up shattered. </p>
<p>“Yeah,” he agreed, squeezing the arm around Zuko’s shoulder. “S’not bad.” </p>
<p>“You guys act like a family on TV or something,” Zuko continued. “Like – I don’t know, the Brady Bunch or something.” </p>
<p>Sokka snorted. “What episode of the Brady Bunch did I miss? I’m pretty sure Marcia and Tommy or whoever their names were never drank a half a bottle of tequila in the backyard.” He laughed. "I mean I don't know, I never watched the Brady Bunch." </p>
<p>“No, that’s not what I mean,” Zuko said. </p>
<p>He sounded frustrated and Sokka wanted to understand so he shifted his joking demeanor and tried to sober up and get serious. “What do you mean?” he asked. </p>
<p>“It’s hard to explain…” </p>
<p>“Try.” </p>
<p>“I just mean like, I bet Katara or Toph or Aang would never throw your pet hamster out the third story window.” </p>
<p>“Okay, that was specific. No, I don’t think they would.” </p>
<p>“I bet your Father would never tell you Katara was born lucky and you were lucky to be born.” </p>
<p>“Um, definitely not,” Sokka said feeling increasing alarm. “Holy shit, that’s horrible.” </p>
<p>“And I bet your Father would never burn off half your face for speaking out of turn.” </p>
<p>“I’m sorry WHAT?” Sokka couldn’t help but look down at Zuko, leaned against his chest, and gape. “Did your dad do that to you?” </p>
<p>Zuko didn’t answer, but his good eye looked shiny in the firelight like maybe he was crying. </p>
<p>Sokka resumed the position they’d been in before, leaning back, and squeezed Zuko closer to him. He was filled with an intense desire to help this person – this stranger – who’d stumbled into his life because of a flat tire and who had mysterious conversations about murder and who seemed to be afraid to accept any kind of kindness. He felt a little like crying himself. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>*           *          *          *          *</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>“I can’t understand what is wrong with that child, Iroh,” Ursa murmured. It was dark in the living room of the mansion and she and Iroh were standing near the fireplace. The last embers of the dying flames cast dark shadows around the room. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Azula was hiding her tiny six year old body behind the bookshelf. She’d seen Mother and Zuko feeding the ducks earlier and thrown a rock at Zuko to get his attention. Mother had scolded her and sent her away, like she always did. She’d run off to Father and he’d scolded her for wasting time with silly matters such as playing in the garden. He’d warned her that she didn’t want to become like her brother – worthless, untalented, and lazy. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Azula loved her big brother more than anything but she did NOT want Father to think she was anything like him. That way led hurt and disappointment. Still, despite Father’s disdain for him and Azula’s jealousy over Mother’s love for him, Zuko was six-year old Azula’s Favorite Person. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>He never yelled at her for getting things wrong on the first try. Like when he’d taught her how to swim during their last trip to the beech house. The waves had kept overcoming her and she’d started to cry, worried that he would be angry at her for allowing the water to push her under time, and time again. Instead, Zuko had held her up and encouraged her to keep kicking. He'd demonstrated the motions involved with swimming until she was able to get it right. He had to show her many times and Azula had been certain he would lose his temper, but instead he’d been patient. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>She was aware that Father didn’t approve of their relationship. Whenever she and Zuko sat and colored or played Pai Sho or chased each other around the massive yard, it ended when Ozai spotted them and shot her a disapproving look. He wanted her to be more focused on her studies because he saw potential in her, something he’d never seen in Zuko. In her young life, Azula had discovered that pleasing Father meant she didn’t have to suffer the physical punishments Zuko endured, so she strived to keep Father happy. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Something in her ached when she saw Zuko and Mother laughing together and skipping rocks or painting or singing or braiding each other’s hair. At six years old, she couldn’t have put it into words. If the feeling was something she allowed herself to think of later in life, she might have identified it as loss. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>She’d been trying to sleep and she’d heard Mother and Iroh arguing in the hallway, so she’d followed them to the living room. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“She needs love and kindness, just as Zuko does, Ursa,” Iroh said. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Azula was alarmed to see that her mother’s eyes were shining with tears. She’d never seen either of her parents cry. It had been her unspoken understanding that Grown Ups didn’t cry. So, seeing her mother wiping tears from her eyes sent shockwaves through her. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“I know,” Ursa said. “Sometimes she scares me though, Iroh! I can’t understand her.” </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“I worry as well,” Iroh sighed. “But you must be strong.” </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“Sometimes I worry that’s the problem. Everyone here has to be strong all the time. When I married Ozai, he was ambitious but not power hungry the way he is now. I see so much of him in Azula.” </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Azula felt a surge of pride at being compared to her father. There was no one she admired more. When Father spoke, people listened. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“Ambition is not always a negative trait, Ursa.” </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“I know, but it isn’t just that. She’s inherited his cruelty. I watch her with other children and I can’t help but worry. Today she taught her little friends how to burn ants with a magnifying glass.” </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“Something Ozai did when he was her age as well…” </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Azula felt a familiar annoyance with Uncle Iroh’s vague distaste for Ozai. She knew they’d had a falling out years ago but that Ozai was kind enough to let Iroh be a part of her and Zuko’s lives. Iroh should be grateful to his brother. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“Sometimes I wonder if I even know him,” Ursa said. “Sometimes I wish I’d never married him.” Azula felt angry again, but she also felt worried. Mother shouldn't be disrespecting Father like this. What she'd said was horrible and it scared Azula. Her parents were supposed to be together. Ursa saying anything to the contrary was terrifying. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“You have two children together. I cannot tell you how to navigate your relationship with my brother but you must keep Zuko and Azula in mind in whatever you decide.” </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em> Ursa sighed. “Sometimes, I wish we’d never had another child.” </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Azula clenched her teeth. She didn’t understand fully what they were talking about, not really, but she felt something in her break. She decided then that she hated her mother. She’d used the word “hate” plenty of times, as all children did. She “hated” broccoli and she “hated” being too cold and she “hated” the boy at school who pulled her pigtails. She’d never meant it before though. Now she did. </em>
</p>
<p><em>Later, she lay in bed and taught herself to swallow the sobs that wanted to come bubbling to the surface. They were weakness. She taught herself to blink back the tears that were burning at her eyes. Crying was for babies. If her mother saw her cry, it wouldn’t take away the fear and distrust in her eyes when she looked at her. If her father saw her cry, he would be disappointed in her. These feelings of hurt did nothing for anyone. She forced away the feelings of betrayal and channeled them into the one singular emotion that she was allowing herself to experience: Hate. She Hated Ursa.</em> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>*           *          *          *          *</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Hakoda and Bato took advantage of being near the Jasmine Dragon for a final cup of morning tea and then drove the hour and a half to Hira’a, outside of Ba Sing Se. The drive was beautiful. The early season’s snow had melted, and the hills were golden and orange. </p>
<p>It had been a relaxing trip. Hakoda had been a little nervous about leaving his four children, but they had all been insistent that he and Bato enjoy their one-year anniversary. Exploring the museums and shops had been fun, and spending two nights in a hotel room away from the children had been even more fun. </p>
<p>All the same, Hakoda was excited to see his kids. The entire time they were in the Museum of Science and Industry he’d wanted to point details in the exhibits out to Sokka. He’d wanted to take pictures of almost every painting in the Art Institute to show to Katara. He’d spotted several souvenir items and ironic T-shirts he would’ve loved to describe to Toph. In the library, he’d wanted to discuss book after book with Aang. It was lucky he had Bato to remind him that the kids were fine on their own and probably enjoying an adult-free weekend – responsibly of course – and he didn’t need to spend his paycheck to prove his love to them. </p>
<p>When they got pulled into the driveway, all the kids rushed outside to give him and Bato hugs before they could even make it to the porch. </p>
<p>Hakoda froze when he saw that someone else was there – someone he recognized right away. It was Mayor Ozai’s son. Hakoda was generally pretty good at masking his emotions when he needed to, and he did so now, but he was shocked. There were flyers of this kid’s face on every telephone pole and bulletin board in Ba Sing Se. He was all over the news. Yet, here he was, standing on Hakoda’s porch looking sheepish. </p>
<p>“Hello, Sir,” the boy said, seeing Hakoda staring.</p>
<p>“Hello,” he responded. “Are you…are a friend of my kids’?” </p>
<p>“Yes Sir.” </p>
<p>Hakoda shared a confused look with Bato. It was obvious Bato recognized him too. Anyone who had been in the city or watched the news would have. They had one of their silent conversations – which they’d become very adept at – and agreed not to say anything. If Katara, Sokka, Toph and Aang knew who this kid was they would’ve said something by now. </p>
<p>“Well, it’s good to have you here,” Bato said, clapping the kid on the shoulder. “What’s your name?” </p>
<p>“Zuko.” </p>
<p>So, they knew his name. But they didn’t know who he was. Or they did know and they were lying. Hakoda decided to give this a little time. He was going to try to find out how much his children knew and why Zuko had decided to run away. </p>
<p>Hakoda would have normally called the parents of a missing child right away but this was a special circumstance. He didn’t know Mayor Ozai personally, but he knew his policies on cracking down on crime and juvenile delinquency were harsh to say the least. He wasn’t a fan of the mayor and he didn’t think he came off as a fair or kind person. </p>
<p>He also knew the last time Zuko had been in the public eye, he hadn’t had half his face burned off. That detail was the real reason he decided to wait before making any decisions. He would never send anyone back to an unsafe situation. So, he would bide his time for a bit. </p>
<p>Later, when the kids were asleep, he and Bato could talk more about this. </p>
<p>“Come on, it’s cold, help us get our bags, and let’s get inside,” Hakoda said. </p>
<p>Everyone helped grab some bags and Hakoda was amused to see Katara shove the heaviest of the luggage into Zuko’s arms. His daughter was never one to let people off easy. He wondered how much else she’d gotten him to help with since he’d been here. </p>
<p>Once they were all inside, Hakoda offered to order pizza. </p>
<p>“Meatlover’s,” he said looking at Sokka. “Veggie lover’s,” he nodded at Aang. “Chicken ranch,” he said, looking at Katara. “Pepperoni for us three,” he gestured at himself, Toph and Bato. “And you?” he smiled at Zuko. </p>
<p>“I don’t….You don’t have to order me any pizza. I should probably go," Zuko said in a stiff voice. Everyone else had sat down but Zuko remained standing near the door. </p>
<p>“Nonsense!” Bato argued. “It’s early in the day. And it’s Fall break. You’re welcome to stay as long as you like, Zuko.” </p>
<p>“Of course,” Hakoda agreed, nodding. </p>
<p>Zuko looked nervous, but he nodded. “Thank you.” </p>
<p>“He likes pineapple,” Sokka offered with a scoff. “Can you believe that Dad? He must be genetically cursed or something.” </p>
<p>Hakoda chuckled. “Your mother liked pineapple on her pizza, Sokka. I hate to break it to you but you’re genetically half-pineapple lover.” </p>
<p>“That’s not how it works!” Sokka said, bristling. </p>
<p>They all laughed at that, and Hakoda ordered the food including a pineapple for Zuko. While they waited, Hakoda and Bato showed the kids pictures of their trip, describing each one in detail for Toph’s benefit. At first, Zuko stayed far away and seemed reluctant to engage. </p>
<p>“Don’t think you’re getting out of looking at pictures because you’re a guest, Zuko,” Hakoda said, gesturing for Zuko to join them on the packed sofa. </p>
<p>Zuko hurried over and looked intently at the pictures. He gave very technical compliments about the lighting and angle of each photograph. He also couldn’t stop calling Hakoda and Bato both ‘Sir’ no matter how many times they corrected him. </p>
<p>It was a nice afternoon. Hakoda made all his kids groan and gag by kissing Bato and Sokka yelled about how they’d “just spent two days with plenty of time to make out.” Zuko looked disturbed too, Hakoda noticed, but not in the same way as the others who were mostly teasing. At first, he thought maybe Zuko was just a homophobic teenager, but later he noticed Zuko giving the same look to Aang when he put his feet up on Katara’s lap. Maybe he just wasn’t used to seeing casual affection. Well, Hakoda would change that. </p>
<p>“You’re giving the mayor’s missing kid That Look,” Bato whispered in his ear when the pizza had arrived, and they were all sitting in the living room watching an episode of She Ra. </p>
<p>“What look?” he whispered back. </p>
<p>Bato just smiled at him though, and Hakoda sighed because he knew exactly what Look Bato was referring to. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>*           *          *          *          *</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Iroh paced the apartment above the Jasmine Dragon. He hadn’t been this antsy in – actually, maybe he’d never been this antsy. It was late night and he’d just gotten off the phone with Zuko. He’d debated saying something about Ursa but instead, he’d kept the conversation light. Zuko had made new friends. He was baffled by their hospitality and even more baffled by the way they ran to hug their father instead of bowing their heads and greeting him with a polite “Sir.” It sounded like he was enjoying staying with these strangers. </p>
<p>Finding him had been alarmingly easy. It seemed Zuko had merely driven out of Ba Sing Se on a rather direct route and ended up getting a flat tire and was now staying at the nearest house to where he’d gotten the flat. Luckily, Iroh had been able to call a tow truck and have the vehicle dropped off at a tire shop belonging to a friend of his. If he hadn’t, Azula would have seen the car too as she'd been searching the area nearby. </p>
<p>He’d wanted to help her, but when he’d gotten the call from her that Ozai was back and it was too late, he’d decided against telling her where Zuko was. If Ozai was back, Azula couldn’t be trusted. One word from Ozai and she would give Zuko away. </p>
<p>She’d hurried off to her room after their conversation the previous evening and he hadn’t had a chance to ask her more questions about why she believed Ursa was dead. She was a good liar but Iroh had grown up with Ozai. He knew how to detect even the most skillfully told lies. Azula wasn’t lying about believing Ursa was dead. </p>
<p>Just as he was stewing over this, his phone rang. He was surprised at the number on the other end. “Azula?” </p>
<p>“Uncle.” He said nothing, waiting for a response. Did she sound out of breath? “I need you to tell me why you’re so certain my mother is alive.”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I just wanted to say thank you SO much to everyone who's reviewed this story! You all really keep me inspired to continue writing. I'm really enjoying writing this story &amp; reading positive feedback improves my whole mood &amp; makes my day a thousand times better. I try to respond to everyone but sometimes I don't know how to express how grateful I am because it's A LOT.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. growing up</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Two-year-old Zuko finds out he's going to have a little sister. </p>
<p>In the present, Azula has a nightmare.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>cw: domestic abuse, child abuse, violence, ptsd </p>
<p>a/n: we getting dark with this one y'all</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em>They fuck you up, your mum and dad.<br/>
They may not mean to, but they do.<br/>
They fill you with the faults they had<br/>
And add some extra, just for you.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>But they were fucked up in their turn<br/>
By fools in old-style hats and coats,<br/>
Who half the time were soppy-stern<br/>
And half at one another’s throats.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Man hands on misery to man.<br/>
It deepens like a coastal shelf.<br/>
Get out as early as you can,<br/>
And don’t have any kids yourself.

</em></p>
<p><em>

-Phillip Larken</em>



</p>
<p>* * * * *</p>
<p>At two years old Zuko was overjoyed when his mother told him there was a baby growing in her belly. At two and a half years old, Father had to scold Zuko for jumping up and down on his bed while he waited for Mother to come home from her doctor’s visit. When Zuko forgot about the scolding and started jumping again, Father had to slam his head into the bed frame to teach him why it was not okay to jump on the bed. The bruise ached but Zuko was still filled with happy anticipation about Mother’s return. He waited while sitting quietly on the bed after that. </p>
<p>When Mother returned, she told Zuko he would have a baby sister. Mother explained that he would need to always look out for his sister and protect her. Zuko nodded solemnly and promised that he would. He repeated the promise to himself again and again that night and thought that he must take this promise very seriously. It was something he never forgot. Even when the next afternoon during lunch prepared by servants, Father told Mother he hoped the baby girl would be smarter and more well-mannered than Zuko. </p>
<p>At almost three years old Zuko waited with Uncle Iroh while Mother and Father went to the hospital so Mother could have the baby. Uncle ordered them pizza and he let Zuko get pineapple as a topping and drink Coke and stay up late. When Mother returned, she was carrying a tiny bundle. </p>
<p>When Zuko ran to his mother and tried to peek at the bundle, Father shoved him down and snapped at him to stay away. It was not until later in the day when Father was attending a business conference that Zuko tentatively went into his parents’ bedroom and found his mother singing in a soft voice to the little bundle and she ushered him in. </p>
<p>Cautious but excited, he entered the room and climbed into bed with her when she patted the spot next to her. </p>
<p>“Meet Azula,” Mother whispered. </p>
<p>Zuko stared at the tiny child with wide eyes. He had seen babies before, of course, but never a baby so small. She looked so delicate. </p>
<p>“Do you want to hold her?” Mother asked. </p>
<p>Zuko remembered the way Father had shoved him when he approached too fast before. His sister’s tiny body looked so fragile. He shook his head. Mother smiled at him with encouragement in her eyes, though. </p>
<p>“It’s okay,” she said. “Just hold her head. See how I’m cradling her?” </p>
<p>Zuko held his arms in a cradle. Mother had shown him on baby dolls how to do this. It did not make the real thing any less scary. A baby doll held wrong was nothing. The tiny person in his mother’s arms was different. Still, he longed for nothing more than to hold her in his arms. </p>
<p>Mother placed the infant in his arms very carefully. He gasped a little at how light she was. He had been expecting a baby to be heavier. At first, he was stiff and uncertain, terrified of shifting his weight wrong and hurting her. </p>
<p>Then, she opened her eyes and looked up at him and he fell in love instantly. He smiled at her and remembered the promise he had made to Mother that he would always protect her. He was sure now that it had been a Good Promise. </p>
<p>After that, Zuko helped look after Azula. Father was always working, and Mother needed a lot of help. As a toddler, Zuko mostly “helped” by holding Azula while mother watched or running upstairs to check her crib while Mother made lunch even though they had a baby monitor. He liked to feel useful though. </p>
<p>As years passed, Zuko really did help. He was the only one who could make Azula giggle when she was in the middle of a tantrum. When she fell and got hurt, she never ran to Mother or Father. She always asked Zuko to kiss her boo-boos when she fell. It was something Mother had always done for him, and he was sure it made the pain go away faster. </p>
<p>Father had much more positive regard for Azula than he did Zuko. This had been something Zuko was aware of before Azula was even born. Father spoke more highly of the bump in Mother’s belly than he did his son who was already born. It hurt and Zuko did not understand it.</p>
<p>It did not matter how hard Zuko worked or how much respect he showed Father. He was always told that he was stupid, irresponsible, lazy and a burden. Still, Father was just as quick to slap or yell at Azula for crying or showing weakness as he was Zuko. As Azula grew and learned that tears led to pain, she turned to violence to express herself and the tender way Mother had looked at her when she was a baby turned to fear and distrust. </p>
<p>So, Zuko took it upon himself to be the one Azula could come to when she was sad or scared or injured. He had Mother and Iroh who both showered him with affection – at least when Father was not around. Azula’s abrasive personality made the adults who might have shown her the same kindness distrustful of her. </p>
<p>He understood the anger in Azula even if he did not like it. She made him mad when she hit him and scratched him and broke his toys. The loving way he had viewed his sister when she was a newborn turned to weariness as he came to expect her to parrot the cruel comments Father made about him at every turn. Still, he knew all too well what it was like to cry and be told you were stupid for crying. So, he showered her with endless patience, and she rewarded him with the occasional hug and by going to him before anyone else when she was upset. </p>
<p>“You’re a weakling and you’re going to make your sister as soft as you are if you keep babying her.” </p>
<p>That was something Zuko heard a hundred times. He wanted Father to respect him, but there was also a tiny sense of rebellion in him that made him glad he was bringing some level of kindness and softness into their home. It got harder as Azula got older. </p>
<p>It got worse when Mother disappeared when Zuko was ten and Azula was eight. A lot worse. The months following Mother’s disappearance were the darkest of Zuko’s life. The one parent who had always shown him kindness and made him feel like it was okay to exist was gone and Father did not care, and Azula almost seemed relieved. At ten years old Zuko experienced the intense pressing darkness of loneliness. </p>
<p>With Mother gone, Father was ruthless. He was bolder than before – which was saying something – about telling Zuko how much better it would be if he had never been born. He was also bolder with physical punishments. </p>
<p>When thirteen-year old Zuko spoke out of turn during a political meeting his Father had invited him to join, he suffered the worse consequences yet. He got half his face burned off. It was the most physical pain Zuko had ever experienced, but more importantly he had never been so ashamed of himself. </p>
<p>He knew he deserved the punishment. He had been disrespectful. He should have known better. Respect was drilled into him as innately important day in and day out. Speaking against his Father’s respected colleague had been unacceptable, no matter what human rights violations Zhao was proposing. </p>
<p>Azula displayed only amusement when Zuko was punished. Later though, there was a knock at his bedroom door. He opened it and there was a pill bottle of ibuprofen, a folded wet washcloth, and a glass of water. He might have believed a servant left it if he did not spot the end of a black ponytail disappearing around the hallway corner. </p>
<p>When Zuko was a freshman in high school and Azula was in eighth grade they got into almost weekly screaming matches. Their combined teenage hormones and Father’s increasing pride at Azula’s good grades and extracurriculars and disgust at Zuko’s constant trips to detention for getting into fights created a perfect storm of sibling rivalry. It was always over something stupid. Azula had not done her chores and Zuko ended up having to do them because Father always made him pick up the slack. Zuko made a rude comment about Father under his breath and that was disrespectful. Azula trampled the flowerbeds Zuko had planted with Mother when she was still around. </p>
<p>When Azula started high school – before she graduated early and started her criminal psych degree – a boy named Chan asked her to a dance. Zuko had been suspicious of Chan from the start and when he and Mai went to the dance as friends and he saw Azula run out wiping her eyes, he had punched Chan in the face. He had paid for it later when Father found out, but he did not regret it. </p>
<p>A week later, he sat in the driver’s seat of the fancy Cadillac Ozai had bought Azula as a pre-emptive sixteenth birthday present and waited while Azula, Mai and Ty Lee went on a mysterious errand in Chan’s neighborhood. He drove them all home afterward. None of them ever talked about how the next morning Chan and his family returned from their vacation to a home that was burned to the ground. </p>
<p>Living in the beautiful mansion was glamorous. Having Ozai as a father opened doors most children and teens only dreamed of from special treatment from teachers to endlessly being waited on by hired help. Inside the mansion it was a constant battle to be respected and treated with dignity. It was ‘pleases’ and ‘thank yous’ and ‘yes sirs’ and ‘no sirs’ but never ‘I love yous.’ </p>
<p>Zuko was the socially awkward son of a feared politician and his years of internalized rage often came out in the way he spoke to his peers. So, he did not have a lot of friends growing up and that was putting it lightly. Azula, Mai and Ty Lee were just about it. Azula made biting comments to him about his appearance, intelligence, and general inconvenience of an existence but she always invited him to hang out with her and Mai and Ty Lee anyway. </p>
<p>Azula could make him want to tear his hair out sometimes. She took after Ozai in her penchant for cruelty and domination. He wanted to hate her for keeping the secret of Ursa’s death for as long as she had. It would have been easier for him to disregard her as a total sociopath. </p>
<p>He always remembered that promise he had made to his mother though. He had promised to always protect her. He had promised to always look out for his little sister. That promise did not stop mattering because things got hard. </p>
<p>And things got very hard. </p>
<p>* * * * *</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>Blood. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>There was so much blood. No one could endure a beating like that and survive. There was a scream and the sound of bone snapping and then a head slammed into a brick wall and then silence. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>It was late evening. Zuko was shut in his room. Azula had comet to the garden to try and practice skipping rocks in the pond. It was something Zuko had tried to show her earlier. She just needed to practice the motion of her wrist. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>When Mother and Father came out, she hid behind the Rose of Sharon. She was not supposed to be outside she was supposed to be inside sorting papers for Father. It had been so boring though! </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>In her mind, she thought she would hide and then sneak back inside and get to work before Mother and Father saw her. They were arguing though. Mother wanted Father to “give Zuko a chance.” Azula did not know what that meant. Father was giving away endless chances. She listened intently though. It sounded like this chance was different. Mother sounded upset. She wanted Father to be kinder to the children. Azula scoffed to herself. Father showed endless patience, didn’t he? </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Then Father lost his patience. </em>
</p>
<p>Azula sat bolt upright, blinking back the tears that had come in her sleep. </p>
<p>“A dream,” she muttered, wiping her eyes. </p>
<p>She shivered, hugging herself. She tried not to think about that night, ever, so having a vivid nightmare reminding her of the excruciating details was alarming. Iroh was an old fool. Ursa couldn’t have survived. </p>
<p>Telling Zuko had been a mistake. It was a moment of weakness. She had read in his diary about his desire to see Mother again and the idea that he was holding out hope for something impossible had upset her. Zuko was a good person – better than her, better than Father and far better than Mother. His weakness and proneness to emotional outburst could be infuriating but she still looked up to him in other ways. He was kind. Oh, he could get angry and even violent. That came with the territory of growing up in this family. Still, he had been the only one to ever show her softness and patience and she admired him for that even if she would never dream of telling him so. Retaining any sense of kindness in this house was an accomplishment. </p>
<p>So, she had a moment of weakness and told him the truth in the hopes of letting him move on. </p>
<p>What if there was a chance though? </p>
<p>She told herself that was crazy. Her mind whispered to her to let this go. Her instincts warned her that she was clinging on to the same foolish hope she'd been trying to deter Zuko from. Which was stupid, because why would she want someone who hated her to be alive? She didn't hope for that. Fuck Ursa. Whether she was alive or dead Azula hated her. That's what she told herself. </p>
<p>But what if there was even a fraction of a chance? </p>
<p> <em>Why was he digging in the garden late that night then? Don't be a fool.</em></p>
<p>As frustrating as Iroh could be, he was not stupid. He had seemed so certain that Ursa was alive. The selfish choice – maybe the smart choice – would be to let this go. Ursa had only ever brought her down. Azula hated her mother and there was no doubt in her mind that the hatred was mutual. Ursa was Zuko’s Number One fan and Azula’s Number One critic. When she was around, she was the bane of Azula's existence. Azula was also aware though - and here was another thing she would never admit - that Zuko got some of the qualities she loved in him from Ursa. She knew her mother had never loved her. It was obvious. Her brother did, though, and maybe he wouldn't have been able to if it weren't for Ursa.</p>
<p>She could ask Iroh why he thought Ursa was alive. That was a very small thing to do and there was little risk in just asking the question. She could do that much. She owed Zuko that much. </p>
<p>So, she called.</p>
<p>“Uncle.” He said nothing, waiting for a response. She was still breathing heavily from the shock of the nightmare. She almost hung up, but curiosity and determination drove her to speak. “I need you to tell me why you’re so certain my mother is alive.”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>a/n: I want to apologize for not posting a chapter yesterday. I was super busy. I am also going to Once Again thank everyone who's posted a nice comment or left kudos. You all are amazing &amp; I appreciate the support so much! </p>
<p>Also, the next chapter is going to have plenty of fluff &amp; Zukka! Don't worry, I have a system, the balance between fluff, angst &amp; plot is a delicate one that I intend to maintain.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0007"><h2>7. the kids aren't alright</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Zuko asks Sokka to drive him to Ba Sing Se after he gets an emergency call from Azula</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Sokka did not remember his mother very well. He thought he could remember a song she used to sing when he was small, but it might have been a memory of a memory. He might have just remembered Katara singing to him.</p>
<p>The months following Kya’s death were dark.</p>
<p>Hakoda never stopped caring for his kids. He made sure there was always food, even if they had mac and cheese every night of the week for weeks. He made sure the house was always sanitary, even if Katara took on more and more responsibility from washing clothes to repairing broken appliances. He never stopped taking care of Sokka and Katara but sometimes he forgot to take care of himself.</p>
<p>Sokka tried to take on as much as he could but sometimes it felt heavy to have to remind your dad to eat. The house had always been filled with laughter when Sokka was growing up. After Kya died, it felt too quiet and empty. Sokka compensated by making constant jokes. If a silly face or a bad pun could make Katara laugh, he felt like that was a win. It was his way of trying to bring back some of the light that was put out when Kya died.</p>
<p>It took time, but it got better. Bato came around more and more. Eventually, Hakoda decided to foster and Aang came into their lives and he was filled with light and joy despite the tragedies in his past. Later, Toph moved in with them and she was always encouraging ridiculous adventures whether it was a midnight trip to 7-11 or a shoplifting expedition from Walmart. She had been stifled at home and a personality like Toph’s did not do well being stifled. The pasts sometimes still hurt but they had each other. They were family.</p>
<p>In the few days Zuko had been staying with them, it felt like he was part of the family too.</p>
<p>He had secrets Sokka was dying to learn and he called Hakoda and Bato ‘sir.’ He jumped when someone moved too fast near him, and he seemed incapable of expressing boundaries which made Sokka want to be extra careful around him in case he did something wrong. He always seemed so serious, but sometimes they could get him to smile and that felt like a win.</p>
<p>He felt like part of the family already and Sokka was sure the others felt that way too.</p>
<p>Katara was the trickiest to win over. She was upset with Zuko for lying to them and not telling them more about himself and his family. After a long afternoon walk though, she and Zuko were friends. When Sokka asked, Katara explained that Zuko had lost his mom too, and they ended up bonding while talking about the grief of losing a parent.</p>
<p>He and Zuko were the last ones awake. It was around one in the morning and the lights were off and the television was turned down. They were sitting on the sofa sharing a throw blanket. Zuko seemed to have a soft spot for the TV show She Ra. Sokka liked the show too, but Zuko’s dedication cracked him up.</p>
<p>“No, you don’t understand, Sokka, it’s not just a children’s television show.”</p>
<p>“That’s literally exactly what it is, Zuko. Like, by definition.”</p>
<p>“No, it’s more than that. There are a lot of really well written storylines and the characters are so well-rounded.”</p>
<p>From his spot on the back of the sofa behind Zuko’s head, Momo chirped.</p>
<p>“See? Momo agrees.”</p>
<p>“Ok,” Sokka said, smiling.</p>
<p>Zuko glared. “I’m serious. Catra’s redemption is one of the best redemption-arcs I’ve seen on television.”</p>
<p>“Uh huh.” Sokka never wanted Zuko to stop talking about this. He had never found anyone whose annoyance was so endearing. He had always thought it was stupid when people talked about finding anger ‘cute’ until he met Zuko. Annoyed Zuko was like, painfully cute. “Know what I think?”</p>
<p>“What?”</p>
<p>“I think you just like it because you ship Catra and Adora.”</p>
<p>Zuko huffed and Sokka grinned, positive he had gotten it right.</p>
<p>“So, what if I do?” Zuko said.</p>
<p>Sokka laughed and leaned back. He didn’t want to go to bed. He was still wide awake. Maybe he shouldn’t have had so many cokes earlier. His mind was buzzing. Zuko glared at him for a minute, but then he yawned and it was hard to maintain a glare while yawning.</p>
<p>“You’re adorable,” Sokka informed him.</p>
<p>Zuko was back to glaring. “You’re a dick.”</p>
<p>“You love me.”</p>
<p>Zuko rolled his eyes and leaned back into the pillows, yawning again. “I can’t figure you out,” he said, sounding frustrated.</p>
<p>“What do you mean?”</p>
<p>“I can’t figure anyone here out.”</p>
<p>“I’m not the one keeping secrets,” Sokka reminded him. “Everyone here has been pretty up front.”</p>
<p>“I think maybe that’s the issue.”</p>
<p>“How so?”</p>
<p>Zuko scrunched up his face and seemed to think hard about that. When he spoke, his words were measured. “Here, everyone says what they mean. Like earlier, I was talking to Katara. I expected her to try and trick me into telling her more about myself, but she just talked about how much she cared about all of you and how she didn’t want to risk inviting anyone who might be a threat into your lives.”</p>
<p>Sokka felt a surge of warmth towards his sister. “She mentioned you lost your mom too,” he said. “I’m sorry.” He knew how inadequate the words were. He knew he had nothing else to offer.</p>
<p>“It was years ago.”</p>
<p>“Yeah, for us too. Doesn’t hurt any less.”</p>
<p>“No, it doesn’t.” Zuko sighed.</p>
<p>They sat in silence for a few minutes, but not awkward silence. It was more like they were both thinking about loss and neither of them could come up with a way to put it into words. Zuko yawned again after a bit and Sokka was going to offer to leave even though he didn’t want to but then Zuko leaned his head against Sokka’s shoulder and closed his eyes.</p>
<p>From someone else, it might have been a sleepy gesture, done without thought. Nothing Zuko did happened without thought, though. He was being deliberate and trying to pass it off as casual. Sokka smiled to himself in the dark and relaxed into the sofa, closing his eyes too.</p>
<p>He might have drifted off at some point. He wasn’t sure. He was in the stage between waking and sleep, comfortable and warm with Zuko resting against him when the sound of ‘The Emperor’s Theme’ from Star Wars jolted him wide awake. Zuko sat up, blinking, and looking around.</p>
<p>He reached for the coffee table where his phone was and answered. “Hello?” He looked more alert. “Hold on, slow down. What do you mean?” He paused, letting whoever was on the other end speak. “Wait, you WHAT?” He looked panicked and sickened. “You….you knew where to look?” He waited, looking pale. “I’ll be there as soon as I can. Get somewhere safe. And Azula-”</p>
<p>Before he could finish, the person on the other end must have hung up.</p>
<p>Zuko stared at the phone. Sokka watched him get up and walk towards the front door. He jumped up, running after him.</p>
<p>“Where are you going?” he asked.</p>
<p>“I have to go,” Zuko said.</p>
<p>“Go where? It’s-” Sokka glanced at the clock “-three in the morning.”</p>
<p>“It’s an emergency.”</p>
<p>“Okay, I’ll go get my Dad.”</p>
<p>“No!” Zuko looked alarmed. “Do not wake your Father up. No one else needs to be involved in this.”</p>
<p>“Fine,” Sokka said. “Let’s go.”</p>
<p>“What?”</p>
<p>Sokka started putting on his boots which were sitting by the front door.</p>
<p>“What are you doing?” Zuko asked.</p>
<p>Sokka grabbed his keys from the hook. “I’m going with you to deal with this emergency.”</p>
<p>“No, you don’t want to be part of this, trust me.”</p>
<p>“I became part of it when we decided to softcore kidnap you to keep you from freezing to death in your car.”</p>
<p>Zuko glared. Sokka crossed his arms, glaring back. They stared each other down for about thirty seconds. The panic in Zuko’s eyes was still there, and Sokka wanted to hug him and tell him it was going to be alright, but he didn’t even know what was wrong.</p>
<p>“Look, how are you planning to get anywhere without a car?” Sokka asked.</p>
<p>Zuko seemed to try very hard to think of an answer. After a second, he just sighed. Sokka sensed his victory and gave Zuko a small smile.</p>
<p>“Fine, let’s go,” Zuko said.</p>
<p>Zuko marched outside in his socks and Sokka grabbed two jackets and an extra pair of shoes from the closet by the door before hurrying out to the driveway.</p>
<p>He climbed into the driver’s seat and Zuko got in the passenger seat. Sokka started the engine. He was well aware that this was going to wake everyone up. This was crazy, but he wasn’t about to let Zuko run off into the night with no transportation while clearly in the middle of an anxiety attack.</p>
<p>“Where are we going?”</p>
<p>“Ba Sing Se.”</p>
<p>Sokka nodded and started driving. The hilly roads surrounded by fields and forests were empty. Sokka kept glancing at Zuko in the passenger seat. He hadn’t buckled in, and he was hugging his knees and rocking a little. Sokka recalled stereotypical cartoon images of mental patients rocking back and forth. The look on Zuko’s face wasn’t far off from the cartoon images.</p>
<p>“Are you going to tell me what’s going on?”</p>
<p>“Uh, yeah. I guess if you’re driving me you need to know something.” Zuko stopped rocking back and forth and took a deep breath. “My sister needs me.”</p>
<p>“Oh,” Sokka said, understanding dawning on him. He would have run out the door in the middle of the night for anyone in his family too. “I get it. Is she okay?”</p>
<p>Zuko laughed but there was no humor in it. “No.”</p>
<p>Sokka waited for Zuko to elaborate but he did not. They drove in silence for about twenty minutes. Hira’a was about an hour and a half from Ba Sing Se. Sokka didn’t think he could take the silence for that long.</p>
<p>“So, you wanna tell me any more about your family?”</p>
<p>“Not really.”</p>
<p>Sokka wanted to press the issue but Zuko just sounded so scared and sad. He reached over with the hand that wasn’t on the steering wheel and grabbed Zuko’s hand. He expected Zuko to pull away, but he just squeezed Sokka’s hand.</p>
<p>It was an odd road trip. Sokka tried a few more times to ask questions, but Zuko didn’t give him much. Once they were in the city, Zuko started giving him more specific directions about where to turn.</p>
<p>They entered a rich people neighborhood with big houses and Zuko said “Alright, you can drop me off anywhere.”</p>
<p>“What? I’m going with you.”</p>
<p>“I don’t think that’s a good idea.”</p>
<p>“You’ve given me basically nothing,” Sokka said. “You’re not doing this alone.”</p>
<p>“Trust me, it’s for the best.”</p>
<p>“You don’t have to do everything by yourself,” Sokka said. “I’m here for you.”</p>
<p>“I appreciate the sentiment but I’m not sure what to expect. Having a getaway driver might not be a terrible idea.”</p>
<p>Sokka considered that. He hated letting Zuko get out of the car alone, but he had to admit Zuko might have a point. “At least let me pull up to the actual house.”</p>
<p>Zuko nodded reluctantly to the biggest mansion on the street. It was almost a castle. Sokka gaped but pulled forward until he was right outside the house. This was like the villain’s lair in a fantasy movie or something.</p>
<p>“You live here?”</p>
<p>“Yes. Now, I need to go make sure my sister isn’t dead.”</p>
<p>“Are you sure this isn’t something we should’ve involved, I don’t know, the police in?”</p>
<p>“The police wouldn’t be much help.” Zuko took a deep breath. “Okay, I’ll be back.” He got out of the car.</p>
<p>He approached the gates in front of the mansion and paused once to look back. Sokka nodded at him, trying to look hopeful and encouraging. He wasn’t sure he succeeded. Either way, Zuko opened the gates and walked across the mansion’s lawn.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0008"><h2>8. the garden</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Azula breaks all her rules. </p>
<p>Zuko gets closer to the truth about his mother's disappearance than he ever has before.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>a/n: see the note at the end of the chapter for the CW if you're worried! I don't wanna put it at the beginning because there's no way to accurately write a CW for this chapter without giving spoilers</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>What had she expected to find? </p>
<p>Iroh’s insistence that he had helped Ursa get out of town and create a new identity had confused Azula. She had let him rattle her. Maybe he just wanted to fuck with her head. The sick old man probably got off on it. </p>
<p>Well, if he wanted to fuck with her, he’d succeeded. She was finally broken. Her composure wasn’t just rattled, it was shattered. Iroh was probably laughing. </p>
<p>For so long, Azula had convinced herself she was not controlled by emotions. She was not weak like that. Zuko was weakened by fits of rage or sadness and the result was Ozai’s distaste for him. Ozai's distaste meant violence and hurt. That was a lesson Azula learned early on. Ursa had been weakened by her emotions and look where it had gotten her. Openly expressing yourself got your face burned off. Caring got you killed. </p>
<p>Azula had not cried in years. Sometimes she woke up from dreaming and found that she’d teared up in her sleep, but that was different. In her waking hours, she was a stone cold bitch. Her composure and ability to separate her feelings from herself was what kept her alive. It was the thing that made her better than her brother and her mother. She’d learned to bury everything deep inside. </p>
<p>She did not cry as she stared at the skeleton in the dirt below her. </p>
<p>She just gazed down with wide eyes. When she blinked, the rotting skull became her mother’s smiling face. She wanted to cry or react in some way – that might have eased the tightness in her chest – but she couldn’t move. She was trapped just standing there, unable to look away. </p>
<p>She stood over the hole she had dug clutching the handle of her shovel. She was frozen. She didn’t know how long she stood there before shifting the shovel to one hand and calling Zuko. She wasn’t processing time very well. </p>
<p>She just wanted him to know the truth. Her brain wasn’t working at full capacity, but she remembered that she’d done this for Zuko. It’s not like she gave a shit about Ursa. This was to see if there was a chance for Zuko’s sake, not her own. He needed to know that there was no chance.</p>
<p>Through the haze of shock she was feeling, she had managed to call him and tell him what she’d done. </p>
<p>Except, he said he was coming. She wanted to call him again and tell him not to, but she had dropped her phone on the ground, and she couldn’t loosen up enough to lean down and get it. Her muscles were locked in place, so the phone stayed where it was. </p>
<p>The moon cast dark, dancing shadows throughout the garden. Ozai was at a conference across the city with Zhao, staying in a hotel for convenience. She had decided to take advantage of having the place to herself to investigate the spot in the garden where she had watched Father digging the night Mother died. </p>
<p>This was Uncle Iroh’s fault. She had let him talk her into believing there would be nothing here. She would have never believed him if she thought he was telling her Ursa was alive for her own sake, but he loved Zuko and she was doing this for Zuko. She had been sure Iroh would not lie to her about something she was wanted to know for Zuko’s sake. Sure, he hated her, but didn’t he care about Zuko? </p>
<p>She had been so foolish to trust him. Of course he had lied to her just to mess with her. She should’ve seen this coming. He’d probably been waiting for an opportunity to get in her head like this. Love was never anyone’s dominant motivation and she should have realized that. Iroh’s hatred for her must be stronger than his love for Zuko. </p>
<p>Azula lived by three rules. </p>
<p>1.	Never trust anyone.<br/>
2.	Never take anything at face value.<br/>
3.	Never let your guard down.  </p>
<p>These rules had always been fundamental in her ability to thrive. Zuko had no such rules and he suffered for it constantly. Ursa had no such rules either and look where she was now.  </p>
<p>She had broken the first two rules. She had trusted Iroh. She had believed him when he said he had helped Ursa get out of town after Ozai tried to kill her. She had taken his lies at face value. <em>Stupid, stupid, stupid.</em></p>
<p>
  <em>
    <em>“I love you Azula.”</em>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <em></em>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  Ursa was mocking her. 
</p>
<p>Ursa knew Azula wanted nothing more than parental approval. Ursa hated Azula. The bitch was making fun of her. Azula gritted her teeth. She was not going to respond.
</p>
<p>
  <em></em>
</p>
<p>But she thought, <em>‘no you don’t.’</em></p>
<p>
  <em>
    <em></em>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <em>
      <em></em>
    </em>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em></em>
</p>
<p>“I do,” the voice answered. Ursa’s voice was pleading. She wanted Azula to believe her just so she could throw it back in her face. The sick bitch. </p>
<p>
  <em></em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <em>
      <em></em>
    </em>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em></em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <em>“SHUT UP!” </em>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em></em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <em>
      <em></em>
    </em>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em></em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <em>Her voice sounded loud and jarring in the quiet night air. She shivered. She was angry at herself for responding. That’s what Ursa wanted. She wanted to get a response out of her. </em>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em></em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <em>
      <em></em>
    </em>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em></em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <em>She didn’t want to hear from Ursa when she was alive, and she didn’t want to hear from her now. More disturbing, the voice wasn’t coming from the skeleton. It seemed to be coming from all around, as if Ursa’s ghost were hiding in the flower bushes. </em>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em></em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <em>
      <em></em>
    </em>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em></em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <em>Azula was still gripping the handle of the shovel. If Ursa came sneaking out, she would be ready. She should not have tried to dig her up. Ursa had been sleeping but she was awake now and she was angry. Azula was prepared to put her back in the ground if she tried anything though. </em>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em></em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <em>
      <em></em>
    </em>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em></em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <em>The gate creaked. Azula’s tension increased. Footsteps in the dead leaves approached. </em>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em></em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <em>
      <em></em>
    </em>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em></em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <em>She whipped around, swinging the shovel. </em>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em></em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <em>
      <em></em>
    </em>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em></em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <em>She realized it was Zuko mid swing and let go of the handle. He threw his hands up to protect his face and the shovel knocked him backwards a little before falling to the ground, but didn’t hit him full force. He stared at her in alarm and took several steps backwards, keeping his hands raised in front of him. </em>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em></em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <em>
      <em></em>
    </em>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em></em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <em>“Azula?” </em>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em></em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <em>
      <em></em>
    </em>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em></em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <em>She had never been so relieved to see anyone. She ran over to him and flung her arms around him. It was something she had not done in years – not since she was just a little girl. He stiffened at first. Then, he squeezed her back.  </em>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em></em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <em>
      <em></em>
    </em>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em></em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <em>She might have been able to keep her composure before that but when Zuko hugged her back she felt it all come rushing forward and she was suddenly crying so hard it was physically painful. </em>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em></em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <em>
      <em></em>
    </em>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em></em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <em>She leaned into her big brother’s shoulder and let the tears come. She wasn’t sure if she was crying because of the past or present. Memories of her mother’s violent death flashed through her mind and blurred together with the skeleton she had dug up. She hadn’t known she was capable of crying like this – not just a few tears leftover from a bad dream but heavy sobs – and it hit her that holding this in had been exhausting. She was so tired. </em>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em></em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <em>
      <em></em>
    </em>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em></em>
</p>
<p>She couldn’t hold it in anymore. It felt like she’d been wanting to cry like this for years and it was all flooding forward at once. It was overwhelming but it was also a release. Every time she thought she was done, the skeleton in her mind’s eye became her mother and smiled and she was sobbing all over again. </p>
<p>Her guard was down. She was sure it had never been more down. She was breaking all the rules tonight, apparently. </p>
<p>
  <em>
    <em>
      <em></em>
    </em>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em></em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <em>“What’s going on? Is Father here?” </em>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em></em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <em>
      <em></em>
    </em>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em></em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <em>“I saw her, Zuko.” </em>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em></em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <em>
      <em></em>
    </em>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em></em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <em>“What?” he pulled away from the hug and stared at her. </em>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em></em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <em>
      <em></em>
    </em>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em></em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <em>“I saw her body,” she choked out. “I wanted to know if she was really dead.” </em>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em></em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <em>
      <em></em>
    </em>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em></em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <em>He looked over at the hole and she saw the alarm in his eyes. He started moving past her, trying to look in the hole, and she grabbed his wrist to try to stop him. He didn’t need to see that. She didn’t want him to see it. She just wanted to leave. </em>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em></em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <em>
      <em></em>
    </em>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em></em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <em>“No,” she managed to say through a sob. “You don’t want to see her like that, Zuko.”</em>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em></em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <em>
      <em></em>
    </em>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em></em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <em>He froze, staring into the hole and then he gave her a funny look. It was like he was confused, but not as upset as he should be. Shouldn’t he be devastated right now? Hadn’t Ursa been his whole world? Why was she the only one in tears? </em>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em></em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <em>
      <em></em>
    </em>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em></em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <em>He stared in the hole for a long time. </em>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em></em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <em>
      <em></em>
    </em>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em></em>
</p>
<p>



    <em>* * * * *<br/>
</em></p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
Zuko walked through the garden slowly. He wasn’t sure he wanted to do this. He wasn’t sure he could do this. He felt sick to his stomach. He wanted to run away.
  
</p>
<p>
  <em></em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <em>
      <em></em>
    </em>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em></em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <em>Sokka was parked just outside the gates. He could run back to the red pick up truck and tell Sokka this had been a mistake and he wanted to go back to the house and eat breakfast cooked by Hakoda and Bato and never come back here. Azula had made the decision to dig up – he couldn’t even think about it. She’d made her fucked up decision, for whatever reason. He didn’t have to deal with it. </em>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em></em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <em>
      <em></em>
    </em>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em></em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <em>Wasn’t there ever a point where someone was asking too much? At what point was it wrong to shut down and decide not to deal with something? Except he couldn’t do that because he had to know if it was true. And he couldn’t let her deal with this alone. </em>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em></em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <em>
      <em></em>
    </em>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em></em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <em>He’d promised his mother he’d look out for his little sister. </em>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em></em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <em>
      <em></em>
    </em>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em></em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <em>When Azula told him that Ozai was responsible for Ursa’s death, it clicked that he couldn’t live here anymore. Ozai could do whatever he wanted to Zuko. He could tell him he was a disgrace and that he should’ve never been born. He could burn off half his face. Zuko could live with that. He couldn’t live with the knowledge that Ozai was responsible for Ursa’s death. </em>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em></em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <em>
      <em></em>
    </em>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em></em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <em>He hadn’t wanted to believe it, but he had. It made sense, after all. Ursa had been kind and gentle and she had loved Zuko. She was everything that Ozai wasn’t. He wanted power and authority, she wanted peace and balance. So, he had killed her. </em>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em></em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <em>
      <em></em>
    </em>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em></em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <em>Zuko hated him for that. </em>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em></em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <em>
      <em></em>
    </em>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em></em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <em>Had she really been in the garden all these years? He wanted to throw up thinking of all the times he’d gone to the garden to watch the birds, or plant flowers. It had been his favorite place to sit with his mom as a kid. After she was gone, it was where he went to remember her. Now it felt sick and wrong and scary. </em>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em></em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <em>
      <em></em>
    </em>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em></em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <em>He spotted Azula standing, facing away with a shovel in her hands and walked towards her. She whirled around and almost hit him in the face with the shovel, but he threw his hands up just in time and she dropped it. He stared at her. </em>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em></em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <em>
      <em></em>
    </em>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em></em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <em>Azula’s hair was messy and filled with twigs and dirt and she had a manic look in her eyes. He took several steps backward. Maybe this had been a bad idea. </em>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em></em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <em>
      <em></em>
    </em>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em></em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <em>When she ran towards him, he thought at first that she was going to attack him. Instead, she hugged him. He hugged her back, and she started crying. </em>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em></em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <em>
      <em></em>
    </em>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em></em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <em>He couldn’t take his eyes off the dark hole several feet away. Again, the idea of bolting occurred to him. He had to know for sure though. </em>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em></em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <em>
      <em></em>
    </em>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em></em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <em>Azula tried to stop him, but he managed to get within a foot of the hole and look down. </em>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em></em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <em>
      <em></em>
    </em>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em></em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <em>There was nothing there. </em>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em></em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <em>
      <em></em>
    </em>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em></em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <em>It was empty and dark. There was no rotting skeleton. There was nothing. It was just dirt.</em>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em></em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <em>
      <em></em>
    </em>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em></em>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>cw: a brief description of a dead body, descriptions of a break from reality including hallucinations</p>
<p>a/n: thank you to everyone who is showing support! I try to reply to everyone but even if I don't just know that I read every comment &amp; it means a lot  ❤️❤️❤️</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0009"><h2>9. the mayor's wife</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>In the past, Ursa tries to do what she believes is best for her children. </p>
<p>In the present, Zuko goes to Uncle Iroh for help.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>cw: domestic abuse and child abuse</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em>Ursa married young. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>She thought she was in love. Ozai was rich and handsome and romantic and sometimes he scared her a little when he talked about his ambitions and he got a look in his eyes that was almost violent. Even that helped to draw her in. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>She was eighteen and he was twenty-one and they were both political science majors at Ba Sing Se University. She had exciting idealistic ideas about prison reform and improvements to LGBT and women’s rights laws. He was more focused on the complexities of decreasing crime and getting rid of homelessness to make the city look better from the outside. When she married him, she did not realize he meant increasing police power and replacing homeless shelters with fancy cafes. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>She was young and naïve, and she was swept away in his grand plans of gaining political power and his talk of owning an enormous mansion. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>She had two children with him before it really started to hit how dangerous he was. It took watching his involvement with Azula’s upbringing and how it was turning her into a mini version of himself to force Ursa to accept that marrying him had been a mistake. She tried to confront him about the frightening, violent person he had become one evening in the garden. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“Give Zuko a chance,” she insisted. “He’s smarter than you give him credit for. And it wouldn’t kill you to show both the children some kindness.” </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“You want them to be soft, is that it?” </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“Perhaps softer than they are, Ozai.” </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>He chuckled darkly. “I knew you were nothing but a burden. I should have never married you.” </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>She glared at him. “Perhaps not.” </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>She had come to expect violence from him. Years of living with him had made it harder and harder to remember what it was like to not experience pain with every act or word of defiance. If it was just for herself, she would have never dared defy him. This was for her children, though. She raised her chin and glared at him, determined to finish telling him what she’d come to tell him. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“You bitch.” </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“I want to leave, Ozai. I’m not happy here anymore. I’m not happy with how you treat the children. I want to leave, and I want custody of Zuko and Azula. If you try to stop me-”</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Before she could finish, he slammed her into the brick wall of the house and the pain was awful and then there was darkness. The world was spinning, and her head ached. She couldn’t seem to open her eyes, but she felt like she was falling. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>When she woke up, she was choking on dirt.</em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>*           *          *          *          *</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The fresh, lemony smell of ginseng tea filled the small apartment above the Jasmine Dragon. Iroh was sitting on his armchair, sipping tea, infuriatingly silent. Azula had not spoken since Zuko convinced her there was nothing in the hole in the garden. Sokka had tried several times on the drive over and also since they’d gotten here to get Zuko to tell him what the hell was going on. Zuko didn’t even know where to start. </p>
<p>Zuko would have gone to Uncle sooner if he hadn’t been worried about being sent back to Ozai. The thought of dragging Azula back to Sokka’s house had occurred to him, but he wasn’t sure how she’d react once she calmed down. Her loyalty had always been with Ozai. <br/>Uncle was closer and Zuko didn’t trust any adult more. He had missed Uncle so much, but the silence was killing him. He had almost forgotten Uncle’s ability to sit in calm silence no matter the tension of those around him. </p>
<p>Zuko, Sokka and Azula were sitting on the couch in Iroh’s apartment. The sun was coming up, and the room was filled with a soft red light. The exhaustion of staying up all night and the emotional turmoil of being certain he was going to see his mother’s dead body were hitting hard. Zuko probably could have passed out right there, but he was determined to stay awake until – well, he didn’t know when, but he couldn’t go to sleep yet. </p>
<p>Zuko had never seen Azula break down the way she did in the garden. Years of experience warned him that this could be a trick, but he didn’t think so. She had been sure she was seeing something. It had taken a lot to convince her that there was nothing there, and she hadn’t said much sense then. </p>
<p>“I’m not crazy.” </p>
<p>“No one said you were, niece.” </p>
<p>There was a long pause. </p>
<p>Zuko didn’t like the word ‘crazy.’ He had experienced enough awful shit in his life to know that the burden of being alive could make you feel crazy. He had felt crazy when his mom disappeared, and Uncle was the only adult who seemed to give a shit. He had felt crazy a hundred times growing up when it seemed like he was so angry he could burn the whole world down, but he couldn’t even say who his anger was directed at. He felt crazy now because he didn’t know what to believe. Sometimes it seemed like the whole world made no sense and labeling an individual as ‘crazy’ because they reacted to it wasn’t fair. </p>
<p>Was his mom alive? He didn’t want to risk hoping for that. Plus, he wanted to focus on making sure Azula was okay. Still, a burning sense of hope was eating him alive. Ursa had been his only comfort as a child. She loved him unconditionally in a way Ozai never could. The idea that she was still out there was so beautiful he couldn’t stop thinking about it. What if he could hug her again and she could tell him everything was alright? The warmth of his mother’s hug was something he wanted so bad it hurt. </p>
<p>“I think I need to speak to Azula alone,” Iroh said. </p>
<p>Azula shot Zuko a panicked look. </p>
<p>Zuko frowned. He was reluctant to leave for a couple reasons. He trusted Iroh more than he trusted any other adult, but he was still worried. Azula knew what she’d seen wasn’t real. She didn’t need any philosophical lessons right now and she didn’t need to be told she was delusional. He wasn’t sure what she needed, but he didn’t want to leave her. Then there was the more selfish reason. </p>
<p>What if Iroh was about to talk about Ursa? What if he knew where she was? Zuko couldn’t bear the idea of not being present for that conversation and he couldn’t understand why Uncle wouldn’t want him to be. Uncle knew how much Zuko missed his mother. Why would he keep information about her secret? </p>
<p>“I don’t need to be locked up,” Azula said. “I was confused. I – I’m not insane.” She looked at Zuko. “Tell him,” she said, shooting a look filled with daggers in Iroh’s direction. </p>
<p>“She’s not crazy,” Zuko said. He didn’t understand what was going on with her, but he was determined to take her side in this. He knew what it was like to have no one on your side – that was the story of his entire life so far. She needed someone on her side right now. </p>
<p>“I know,” Iroh said, giving them a gentle look. “I just want to discuss some options.” </p>
<p>“No,” Azula stood up. “You’re not locking me up.” </p>
<p>“Of course not,” Iroh said calmly. “But we need to talk about what you’re going to do next. Your father will return this afternoon.” </p>
<p>Azula looked panicked again. “I have to go back and fix the garden,” she said, glancing at the door to the stairs leading outside. </p>
<p>“I’ve already made a call,” Iroh said. “That’s not what we need to discuss.” </p>
<p>Azula looked at Zuko. She was trying to look angry but he knew her too well. She was scared. “I don’t want to be locked away.” </p>
<p>“You’re not getting locked away,” Zuko said. He looked at Uncle. “Right?” </p>
<p>Iroh nodded. “Right.” </p>
<p>“Come on,” Sokka said, speaking at last. He stood up and grabbed Zuko’s hand, pulling him to his feet. He glanced at Iroh. “You said you have a guest bedroom Zuko sometimes stays in?” </p>
<p>Iroh nodded. It was where Zuko stayed sometimes after a late evening of playing Pai Sho or watching movies with Uncle. He led Sokka there in a dazed state. He glanced behind him as they left the room. Azula was still standing, and she looked both devasted and furious, if that was possible. He was worried about leaving her because he was sure if Uncle did want to send her to a mental institute or something he would lose her forever. She would never forgive them for that. But he was also worried about leaving Uncle. Azula had violent tendencies at her most stable. She’d almost killed Zuko with a shovel less than an hour ago. Maybe it was best if he and Sokka stayed in the room for any difficult conversation. </p>
<p>“We’re just going down the hall,” Sokka whispered in his ear, like he could read Zuko’s mind.</p>
<p>When they walked into the guest bedroom Zuko collapsed onto the bed. Sokka closed the door and then lay down next to Zuko. For a while they just lay there. </p>
<p>Then, Zuko started talking. </p>
<p>He told Sokka about Mayor Ozai being his dad, and how he had lied to Sokka and his family about his identity because he didn’t want to be forced to go home. He told Sokka about Azula telling him Ozai had killed Ursa. Then he explained how she’d called him and told him she’d decided to dig up the grave she’d watched Ozai dig for Ursa and he’d immediately decided to come back to Ba Sing Se. At last, he told Sokka what had happened in the garden. </p>
<p>“So, you think your mom might be alive after all?” Sokka asked, laying on his side to face Zuko. </p>
<p>Zuko rolled over so he was facing Sokka too. “I honestly don’t know,” he admitted. “I don’t know what to believe anymore.” </p>
<p>“Wow, that’s really heavy,” Sokka said. “I mean, obviously. Duh. Of course it’s heavy. You know that.” He sighed, looking lost. “What can I do?” </p>
<p>“You’ve already done a lot for me,” Zuko said. “You and your family have done more than I deserve.” </p>
<p>“Not true,” Sokka said. “I – we all love you. So, come one, what can I do?” </p>
<p>“Maybe just…maybe just stay with me for a bit?” </p>
<p>“Of course.” </p>
<p>Zuko nodded in relief. He was sure that despite the weight of the exhaustion pulling at his eyelids, he would never be able to relax enough to sleep if he were alone. And if he did, he didn’t want to know what he’d dreamed about. A rotting corpse with his mother’s face, Azula locked up in a straight-jacket, Ozai finding him and beating him – a hundred horrifying images were threatening at the edges of his mind. With Sokka here, he could push them away for now. </p>
<p>He closed his eyes. After a bit, he started drifting off and he rolled over to get comfortable. Sokka wrapped an arm around him and he was able to let the darkness overcome him. </p>
<p>When he woke up, Sokka’s arm was around him and Zuko saw that he was scrolling Instagram. Zuko yawned and cuddled a little closer and he heard Sokka’s soft laugh and felt his warm breath against his neck. He didn’t want to think about anything. Thinking right now sounded dangerous. There were things to worry about and worse, things to hope for that might not be true. He just wanted to lay here forever and feel safe and comfortable. </p>
<p>“Morning,” Sokka said. </p>
<p>“How long have I been out?” Zuko asked with a heavy yawn. He was thinking about going back to sleep. </p>
<p>“Awhile,” Sokka said, sounding mildly amused. “I got up to get food and shower a bit ago. When I came back to check on you, you were talking in your sleep. You uh, said my name. So, I lay back down.” Zuko felt color rise to his cheeks. He couldn’t remember if he’d dreamed which was probably good, but he knew he had wanted Sokka to stay with him. “There’s like, a shit ton of Chinese food leftover if you’re hungry,” Sokka continued. </p>
<p>As if on cue, Zuko’s stomach growled. Sokka laughed. Zuko might have been annoyed if Sokka’s laugh wasn’t so endearing. He sighed and closed his eyes again, not wanting to get up. </p>
<p>“Seriously,” he muttered, “what time is it?” </p>
<p>“Uh, it’s like noon.” </p>
<p>“Oh, that’s not that long.” Yeah, he was definitely gonna go back to sleep. </p>
<p>“Well…” </p>
<p>Something occurred to him when he heard the hesitation in Sokka’s voice. “Wait. Did I sleep the entire day yesterday? And then all night?” </p>
<p>“To be fair, you had a pretty rough night. I figured you needed the rest.” </p>
<p>Zuko sat up and glared down at Sokka. “Why did you let me sleep so long? What’s going on?” </p>
<p>“Hey,” Sokka said, throwing his hands up and letting them flop onto the bed next to his head. “I didn’t let you do anything. You were out, man. It was out of my control.” There was a teasing edge to his voice, but Zuko was more worried about all the time that had passed. </p>
<p>“Wait,” Zuko rubbed his eyes. “Your dad…” </p>
<p>“Is here, actually.” </p>
<p>“Oh no,” Zuko groaned. “He’s pissed, isn’t he?” </p>
<p>“He’s not exactly jumping with joy, but he’s been surprisingly chill under the circumstances,” Sokka said. “Once I explained the uh, reason I snuck out he was more worried than mad.” </p>
<p>“Wait, Katara, Aang, Toph-”</p>
<p>“They’re at home with Bato. I wanted to stick around for a bit and Dad did too. He feels responsible for you, I think. You know he recognized you from the beginning? Apparently, you’ve got missing person posters all over Ba Sing Se.” </p>
<p>“Shit…” </p>
<p>“Yeah.” </p>
<p>“Where’s my sister?” </p>
<p>“She was in the kitchen when I went in there a bit ago,” Sokka said. </p>
<p>“Do you know what her and my uncle talked about?” </p>
<p>“No. But he’s not making her go to a mental institution and he’s not making her – or maybe he’s not letting her? - go home, I know that much.” </p>
<p>Zuko nodded, grateful that Sokka had figured that much out for him. They’d known each other such a short amount of time, but it was like Sokka could predict what he needed to hear. He must’ve known exactly the questions that were pressing most on Zuko’s mind. </p>
<p>“My Father?” </p>
<p>“He doesn’t know you guys are here. Your Uncle talked to him and played dumb.” </p>
<p>Okay, that was good. A small amount of the tension eating Zuko alive ebbed away. Father didn’t know where he was. He was at least physically safe from being beaten to death. </p>
<p>Still, none of that information answered the question that was buzzing in Zuko’s mind like an incessant bee. </p>
<p>“Your uncle wants to talk to you too,” Sokka said. “About your mom, I think. He told me to tell you when you woke up.” </p>
<p>“Oh…” </p>
<p>“Hey,” Sokka sat up and put his hands on Zuko’s shoulders. “Whatever he tells you, I want you to know…I’m here for you. I wish I could say it’ll be okay. But no matter what, you’ve got me.” </p>
<p>Zuko leaned in and wrapped his arms around Sokka. He tried to put all the things he didn’t know how to say into the hug. Like how he was grateful to Sokka for sorta kidnapping him, and how he was glad they’d met and how much it meant that Sokka was here now. The way Sokka squeezed him back made him think Sokka got it. </p>
<p>After the hug, he just sat there. He’d been so desperate to talk to Uncle. He had wanted nothing more than to hear what Uncle had to say about Mother. Now though, he was scared to out there. </p>
<p>Once again, Sokka demonstrated his mindreading abilities. Maybe Zuko was just very predictable. “No matter what you’ll feel better once you’ve talked to him.” </p>
<p>Zuko nodded and got up. He was still wearing his pajamas from the night before and he suddenly felt like a total idiot. He reached up and felt his hair and realized it was sticking up in a lot of directions. He was glad there weren’t a lot of mirrors here. They’d never talked about it, but Uncle had gotten rid of any casual mirrors in the apartment after Zuko got his scar. Zuko was sure his discomfort whenever he had to look at his own reflection the months right after getting burned at thirteen wasn’t subtle. Now there was just the bathroom mirror. </p>
<p>He walked out to the kitchen and saw Azula. She’d obviously showered and changed because her hair wasn’t filled with dirt and twigs any more. She was also looking a lot more calm than when Zuko had last seen her, sitting on a bar stool by the island and sipping soda from a straw, scrolling her phone. </p>
<p>“Hey,” he said. </p>
<p>She glanced up and rolled her eyes at him. “You don’t have to look at me as if I’m going to break.” </p>
<p>“What did Uncle talk to you about?” </p>
<p>She looked away and shrugged, seeming uncomfortable. He stared at her, waiting for an answer and she sighed. She set down her phone and glared. </p>
<p>“I’m going to talk to a shrink, alright? Jesus Christ you’re dramatic.” </p>
<p>“Well, that’s good, right?” he pressed. “Maybe that’ll be good, you know?” </p>
<p>She was definitely closer to her normal self because she looked like she was about to murder him. “I told you I’m not crazy,” she snapped. “I’m going to say this once, Zuko. One time. So listen carefully. I’m sorry I called you and told you…well, you know. I-” she looked around like she was worried about being overheard, which seemed redundant since the only other people around knew what had happened “-I saw Father beat Mother practically to death when I was eight years old, alright? I really did believe she was dead. Uncle thinks that’s why I-” she chose her words carefully “-was confused.” They both flinched at how close she’d come to saying ‘hallucinated.’ “I genuinely feel bad about calling you, alright? There, I’ve apologized. I’m seeing the shrink so that Uncle doesn’t forcibly lock me away in a looney bin. So, that’s it. You should let it go.”  </p>
<p>“Uncle would never do that to you. And I never said you were crazy.” </p>
<p>“You implied it. And don’t be naïve. Uncle would love the opportunity to see me behind bars.” </p>
<p>“Now who’s being dramatic?” he said, rolling his eyes. “I don’t think modern psych wards have bars. Anyway, I don’t think you’re crazy, but I wouldn’t mind focusing on how you just apologized to me for the first time maybe ever and it’s for something you shouldn’t even be sorry for. I’m glad you called me.” </p>
<p>“Don’t be condescending, it doesn’t become you.” </p>
<p>“I’m serious.” </p>
<p>“Oh, fuck off. You’re so annoying.” </p>
<p>“It’s a gift,” he said, shooting her a sarcastic smile. Then, he got serious. “Anyway, I think you should take advantage of the shrink thing. It might be nice to talk to someone objective. I would love to see a therapist.” </p>
<p>She looked surprised. “Really? Are you worried you might be crazy?” </p>
<p>“What? No. I don’t know if you’ve noticed but it’s possible I might have a few issues.” </p>
<p>“Is that so? Then why have you never been to one?” She was being sarcastic, but he could tell she was genuinely curious too. </p>
<p>“I want you to picture me asking Father to see a therapist and having to explain that the reason I want to go is because he fucked me up.” </p>
<p>They both laughed at that mental image. </p>
<p>“Fair enough,” she said. </p>
<p>“Did Uncle talk about….is Mother…?” </p>
<p>“I think you should talk to him.” </p>
<p>He nodded and headed to the living room. The television was on, playing some sit com. Hakoda and Iroh were sitting on the couch. Zuko stood in the doorway for a second. The tension in his body when he thought about this conversation was back. </p>
<p>Azula had given him practically nothing. </p>
<p>What if Mother wasn’t buried in the garden but she was dead and Zuko had gotten his hopes up for nothing? What if she was just missing and Iroh didn’t know anything? Then nothing would’ve changed. Or, and he had no choice but to consider this, what if she’d chosen to leave because she wanted to? </p>
<p>Uncle looked up and saw Zuko. He nodded for him to come in. Zuko crossed the room and sat down on the chair across from Iroh. His entire body was tense, and he felt a little panicky. He was not prepared for hearing whatever he was about to hear. </p>
<p>“I think I’ll go and see if Sokka wants to try the Jasmine Dragon’s famous tea,” Hakoda said. </p>
<p>He left and Uncle and Zuko were alone. </p>
<p>“I’ve missed you, nephew.” </p>
<p>“I missed you too,” Zuko said. “Uncle, I’m so sorry I ran away. Azula told me our Father was responsible for Mother’s death.” </p>
<p>“You could have to come to me, you know.” </p>
<p>“I know I just…I wanted to get out of the city. I didn’t want to risk having to see Father again knowing what he did.” </p>
<p>“I understand. I’m glad you came to me now.” </p>
<p>“Me too.” He was dying to ask about his mother, but first he had to know something. He nodded to the kitchen. “Is she…?” He didn’t even really know what he was asking. </p>
<p>Uncle shook his head. “She doesn’t want to admit the extend of her hallucinations,” he said. “She doesn’t trust me. Maybe you could talk to her?” </p>
<p>Zuko stared. “Me?” </p>
<p>“She looks up to you,” Uncle said. </p>
<p>Zuko hadn’t thought about it that way. He was doubtful. He knew Azula trusted him a little more than she trusted most people, but that wasn’t saying very much. He wasn’t sure he could get her to talk about this. “I’ll try,” he said. “Sokka says Father doesn’t know we’re here.” </p>
<p>“He doesn’t,” Iroh said, a mischievous look coloring his face. Zuko glared. This wasn’t a game. “I’ve always wanted to see you get out of there,” Iroh said, growing more serious. “I just didn’t know how.” </p>
<p>“I know Uncle, it’s alright.” </p>
<p>“I want to continue helping you. I promise to do everything I can to keep you from having to go back.” </p>
<p>Zuko considered that. Was Uncle offering him a place to stay permanently? It definitely sounded like it. Staying with Iroh was a tempting prospect. Again, he was scared. If he allowed himself to hope for that, he could end up having his hopes shattered. That would be devastating. Also, there were still a lot of questions he needed answered. </p>
<p>What about Azula? Was she supposed to stay with Iroh? How would that work with her getting therapy? What about Ursa? Did Iroh actually know anything? He didn’t know what to ask first. </p>
<p>“I have to tell you something I’ve been forced to keep a secret for a long time, Zuko. I should have told you the truth sooner, but it was complicated.” </p>
<p>Zuko’s heart was thudding in his chest.</p>
<p>“Your mother is alive.” </p>
<p> </p>
<p>*           *          *          *          *</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>Ursa clawed her way through the dirt, choking as she made her way to the surface. As she fought through the dark, she wondered if she would ever be able to breathe again. The earth was pressing down around her, and it was heavy. Every inch of her ached. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>When she shoved the earth away and tasted air, it was the best feeling in the world. She gasped, forcing herself into a sitting position and breathing hard. She sat there for a while, gulping in the chilly night air and trying to stay calm. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>She ran to the nearest police station. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Inside, she rushed up to the administrator’s desk. A pretty girl with straight black hair and a name tag reading ‘Joo Dee’ was sitting behind the desk. When she saw Ursa, she smiled. That was rather odd to Ursa considering she was currently covered in dirt and blood and badly injured. She didn’t have time to overthink it though. She ran over and put her hands on the desk, leaning forward and panting. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“I need help,” she said. “My husband attacked me.” </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Joo Dee stared at her for a long time and the smile she was wearing chilled Ursa to the bone. “I’m sorry, aren’t you the mayor’s wife?” </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“Yes…” </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“I’m afraid the mayor would never hurt anyone.” </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“What? He tried to kill me,” Ursa said. “I’m telling you I need help now.” </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“The mayor would never hurt anyone,” Joo Dee repeated. She was still smiling. </em>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0010"><h2>10. conspiracy theories</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Azula tries to convince Zuko there's more to Ursa's disappearance than Iroh's story implies. </p>
<p>Toph, Katara, and Aang convince Bato to take them to Ba Sing Se to meet up with Hakoda, Sokka, and Zuko.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>cw: self hating thoughts</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Iroh’s words kept echoing in Zuko’s ears. “Ursa was gone the next morning and so were the fake documents June created for her. But she left behind the fake identities for you and Azula. I don’t know why. She left, Zuko. I never knew how to tell you that she left of her own free will.” </p>
<p>Ursa was alive. Ursa had come to Iroh talking about the ‘extent of Ozai’s power,’ whatever that meant. She’d asked Iroh’s friend June to create a fake identity for herself and fake identities for Zuko and Azula, including new social security numbers and phony birth certificates. Zuko knew June because his Father called her whenever he wanted to find someone. She was technically a bounty hunter, but she was a lot more than that. </p>
<p>June could find anyone or hide anyone – for a price. </p>
<p>He didn’t believe Ursa would just leave. Or, he didn’t want to believe it. His memories of Ursa were some of the only positive memories of his childhood he had but now they felt tainted. She had taught him to bake and swim and braid hair and skip rocks and treat animals with kindness. She had been there for him. She had loved him. Of this much, he had always been sure. </p>
<p>If that were the case, why would she leave? </p>
<p>Of course – why wouldn’t she leave? A daughter with violent tendencies bordering on the warning signs of a serial killer and a son with severe anger issues and depression? A husband who beat her almost to death and buried her alive? Maybe he had been an idiot to ever consider that she would not want to get away from all that.</p>
<p>So, there it was. Neither of his parents wanted him. It was like a punch in the chest. </p>
<p>After his talk with Uncle, he went back to the guest room and slammed the door. He lay down on the bed and stared at the ceiling. The tears came even though he didn’t feel like he had it in him to cry right now. </p>
<p>He also felt like a horrible person for being upset. He was awful. An awful son and an awful person. He should be glad she was alive. He should be glad she'd gotten out. And he was. OBVIOUSLY he was happy for his mother. He was relieved that she was alive and safe. </p>
<p>Later, he'd be able to focus on that. Right now though, he was heartbroken. He needed a minute alone to be selfish and pissed and self-pitying. His mind called him all sorts of names for that - stupid piece of shit, awful human being, selfish asshole. But he just needed a minute. </p>
<p>If he was allowed to have a minute, he could go make sure Azula was okay, like he always did even though she treated him like crap. He could put on a brave face and talk about how glad he was that his Mother was alive.</p>
<p>Aang had texted him to say they were coming to spend some time with him later in the day. He'd have to tell Sokka to tell them not to ask about his mom. It was too much and he wasn't ready to talk about it right now. In a bit when Sokka returned, he could explain it to him. When he was calm, he'd talk to Iroh again and he'd talk to Azula. He wasn't ready to talk to everyone, though.</p>
<p>After a few minutes there was a soft knock at the door. “Go away.” He felt childish, but he didn’t want to talk to anyone. </p>
<p>“It’s me,” came Azula’s voice. </p>
<p>He didn’t say anything. How was he supposed to tell her to leave him alone? She’d just had a mental break down of some kind. Plus, she’d gotten the same shitty depressing news he had. Ursa was her mom too. Sometimes it was easy to forget that because their relationship had always been so contentious. Still, he didn’t invite her in. </p>
<p>In true sibling fashion, she came in anyway. He groaned and rolled over onto his stomach. He was glad Hakoda and Sokka were off getting tea. He would’ve loved a hug from Sokka right about now but what he wasn’t looking forward to was explaining the mundane truth. His mother had decided to ditch him.</p>
<p>There was no dark mystery. There was no conspiracy. Ursa just didn’t like her life. </p>
<p>Azula sat on the edge of the bed. “You’re very ugly when you cry, do you know that?” she said.<br/>
</p>
<p>“God you’re a bitch,” he muttered, wiping his eyes. </p>
<p>“Listen, I came to talk to you,” she said, glancing at the closed door. </p>
<p>“I don’t know what there is to say,” Zuko sighed, feeling defeated. “Did you want to gloat that you were right about Ursa being shitty all along?” </p>
<p>“Actually…” Azula looked around and then lowered her voice. “The opposite.” </p>
<p>Zuko sat up, sighing. He didn’t know what game this was, but he didn’t want to play right now. He was tired and he felt like crap. </p>
<p>“What?” he said in a dull voice. </p>
<p>“The thing is, June is expensive.” </p>
<p>“Of course you’re thinking about the money,” he said, glaring. “I don’t care right now, Azula.” </p>
<p>“Shut up and listen to me,” she said. “I’m not worried about our parent’s funds. I’m pointing out that Ursa specifically requested fake identities for you and I as well as herself.” </p>
<p>“So?” </p>
<p>She glared at him. He was so tired and depressed. He felt like he could sleep for year. Whatever she was trying to get him to figure out, he wasn’t in the mood. After about thirty seconds, her glare decreased about ten percent and she sighed. </p>
<p>“You are so fucking stupid,” she said, her voice filled with all the usual venom she reserved for him. Zuko was starting to think Iroh was a bit idealistic to think she looked up to him. </p>
<p>“That is just what I needed to hear. I’m so glad we had this talk.” </p>
<p>“You’re not listening to me at all,” she said. “Ursa paid top dollar to have fake identities made for us. Why? If she was planning on leaving us the entire time, why would she bother?” </p>
<p>“I don’t know. Maybe she was morally torn.” </p>
<p>“Maybe,” Azula said. “Or maybe there’s a bigger conspiracy here. Uncle said she was talking about the extent of Ozai’s power. Well, I’ve been on the inside, Zuko. Don’t forget I’ve been Father’s right hand woman for years.” </p>
<p>“You’re sixteen. Just say you’re his favorite,” Zuko sighed.</p>
<p>“For a normal family, that might suffice,” she said. “I know every police officer in Ba Sing Se by name. They answer to me with almost as much reverence as they do Father. I’ve seen firsthand the way people who question Ozai’s authority tend to disappear. I think calling myself his right hand woman is fair.” </p>
<p>“What are you talking about? Who’s disappeared?” Zuko asked. </p>
<p>“Oh, plenty of people. Anyone Father considers a threat. Once, there was this boy an officer picked up while I was on a ride along. He was the leader of a group of anarchists who wanted to see Ozai’s mansion burn. Well, they took him somewhere special. I’m not sure where.”</p>
<p>“Okay….” </p>
<p>“About a month later, I spotted him at the fountain downtown while out shopping. I knew it was the same boy. I went over to talk to him.” </p>
<p>“Meaning you went over to belittle and intimidate him?” </p>
<p>“Same difference, and not the point. Anyway, he didn’t respond to his name. He didn’t seem to recognize me at all. He claimed to be a completely different person.” </p>
<p>Zuko processed that. He wasn’t sure where she was going with this but he was starting to get concerned. Her talk of people disappearing when they questioned Ozai and the story about the boy who’s identity changed seemed far fetched. And even if it was true, it didn’t necessarily mean anything about Ursa. </p>
<p>“Maybe…maybe he just looked similar?” he suggested. Or maybe she’d imagined the whole thing. He was wondering how many times she had hallucinated before the other night. He remembered his promise to Iroh to try to talk to her. “Or maybe it wasn’t real. I mean, have you considered that?” </p>
<p>She stood up, looking furious. </p>
<p>“I’m being serious, Zuko.” </p>
<p>“So am I.” </p>
<p>“You said you didn’t think I was crazy.” </p>
<p>“I don’t! I’m just saying, you saw something that wasn’t there. Is it possible it’s happened before?” </p>
<p>She stood there for a long time, glaring at him. “Fuck you,” she said coldly. Then, she turned around and left, slamming the door behind her. He sighed and lay back down. Going after her now would do no good. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>*           *          *          *          *</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>Iroh had always been close to Ursa. He liked her. He respected her. She was a kind person, and she cared about her children deeply. He worried that her growing resentment of Ozai was leading her to resent her daughter for her resemblance to her father, but he could tell she was fighting any such feelings. She loved her children and he thought maybe, based on their recent conversations, she was going to take Zuko and Azula and leave. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Iroh would love to see that. He was watching Zuko suffer the same way he had as a child. It was the childhood he had made sure Lu Ten did not have because he was determined to break the cycle of abuse in their family. He only hoped Lu Ten’s too short life had been better than his own childhood. Ozai had given into his worst nature and Iroh dreamed of seeing Ursa get the children out of that house. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Growing up, he had done his best to look out for Ozai. He cared about his little brother. It was impossible not to have fun playing with and adventuring with a little brother as filled with energy and enthusiasm for life as Ozai. Besides, Iroh had always felt responsible for Ozai as a child. Azulon was merciless and violent man who cared about wealth and power more than he did family. He had done his best to ingrain such values into Iroh and Ozai early on. It worked a little better on Ozai. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Iroh had been a bit more like his brother as a young man. He had been ambitious and initially, he’d gone into politics. Once his son was born, he changed. It was as simple as that. Lu Ten reminded him to be a better man. He realized he preferred making tea to plotting for power. When Lu Ten passed away, Iroh went into a deep depression. The thing that pulled him out of it was seeing how Zuko looked up to and relied on him. He hadn’t had any caring adults in his life growing up. It was important that Zuko did. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>When Ursa came knocking at his door one evening, covered in dirt and blood and limping, he ushered her inside without hesitation. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“What happened?” he asked, once she’d locked the door behind her. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“I need help, Iroh,” she said. “Ozai’s power goes further than I ever thought. I tried to leave.” </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“I can see that.” </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“I need you to call your friend. June.” </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>He nodded. June was an expert at both finding and hiding people. She was smart, sassy, and insanely fun to get drunk with, but he wouldn’t call her a friend. June was loyal to whoever had the biggest check to offer. Still, he understood the need for urgency, so he called. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“I need to get my children out of that house, Iroh, and I need to do it as soon as possible.”</em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>*           *          *          *          *</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Toph could not believe Zuko was the fucking mayor’s son. She had known he was lying about a lot of stuff but holy shit, even she hadn’t seen this coming. With the help of Katara and Aang she had convinced Bato to drive them to Ba Sing Se in his minivan. </p>
<p>Now, Katara, Aang, Toph, Sokka and Zuko were sitting in the Jasmine Dragon. Because Zuko was still technically a missing person, Iroh had closed the shop for the night and put on a pot of ginseng tea for their crew, so it was just them. Toph thought that was pretty classy. </p>
<p>It was late evening. She couldn’t believe Sokka had snuck Zuko out to see Zuko’s mother’s dead body which his little sister had LITERALLY dug up. Like, it had turned out to be some kind of wild hallucination Zuko’s sister was having - but still. It was obvious Sokka was gone for Rich Boy but she hadn’t realized just h o w gone. This was serious. </p>
<p>Toph had a gift for reading people. She could read people’s tone of voice really easily and she could generally tell when someone was full of shit. Which is why she’d helped convince Katara to trust Zuko when Katara was uncertain. Sure, he was lying about a lot of stuff but he was genuinely a good person who didn’t mean them any harm. ‘Especially not Sokka,’ she thought to herself, laughing internally. </p>
<p>She was gonna miss this awkward Rich Boy who had come into their life because she almost hit his pulled over car while zooming through the countryside. </p>
<p>He was acting weird, though. His demeanor was shiftier than usual if that were possible. She could tell something was up, but she supposed A Lot was up. After all, he had been through a whirlwind of shit over fall break from being told his mom was dead to being told his sister dug up her dead boy to – whatever he had been told just now.</p>
<p>He wasn’t talking about it and they weren’t supposed to bring it up. </p>
<p>Sokka had texted the group chat explicit instructions NOT to ask about Zuko’s mom. He was taking a couple hours off from thinking about whatever the hell he had found out. Toph guessed that was understandable. Still, it was like there was something on the tip of his tongue that he kept wanting to bring up but didn’t. She noticed it all evening. </p>
<p>“So, you gonna come to our little nowhere town to visit once you’re back to living in style in the city?” </p>
<p>“My uncle owns a tea shop, Toph,” Zuko said. “He’s middle class at best. I’m not going back to Ozai’s. No matter what happens, I can’t go back there.” </p>
<p>“Fair enough,” Toph said. “You couldn’t pay me enough to go back to my parent’s house. And they’re rich as fuck so I’m sure they’d pay to get me back. Never gonna happen though.” </p>
<p>“Your parents are rich?” Zuko asked, sounding doubtful. </p>
<p>Toph grinned in the direction she thought he was sitting based on his voice. Her feet were up on the table and she was using the fancy spoon meant for stirring sugar in the tea to pick at her fingernails. “Hell yeah. I’m high society, babe.” </p>
<p>“I…did not know that,” Zuko said. </p>
<p>Katara, Aang and Sokka laughed. Toph threw up her middle finger at them which only made them laugh harder. She was glad they’d come. It seemed like the lightened mood was good for Zuko. She knew she’d be in some kind of mood if she had to go back to her childhood home. Plus whatever was going on with Zuko’s little sis sounded heavy. </p>
<p>“So, you didn’t answer the question,” Aang said. “You’re gonna visit us on weekends, right?” </p>
<p>“Of course,” Zuko said. “And you’ll have to visit here too. Actually, I know Uncle sent my car to a shop to get the flat fixed but there’s been so much going on I’ve never even asked him what shop or thought about going to get it. So, it might be up to you all to come here until I have a vehicle.” </p>
<p>“Well, I have no complaints about that,” Katara said. “Hira’a is boring. It’s nice to visit Ba Sing Se. I like the city.” </p>
<p>“Eh, there’s something creepy about it to me,” Toph said. “But obviously we’ll come for you, Prince,” she mock bowed to Zuko from her seat. </p>
<p>“I think we’ll all really miss having you stay with us,” Sokka said. </p>
<p>Toph choked on her tea and snorted. She sensed eyes on her and shook her head. Obviously Sokka wasn’t wrong. Rich Boy had really grown on all of them and they all loved him but Sokka was not being as subtle as he probably thought. She’d heard them whispering and laughing and arguing late into the night. The dumbasses couldn’t even be bothered to keep it down. </p>
<p>They kept it light, not discussing the custody battle that was probably going to happen or Zuko’s little sis and what kind of help Iroh was gonna be able to get for her. </p>
<p>Instead, they joked and talked about what they’d do in the city when they all came to visit. According to her Snapchat story, Suki was in Ba Sing Se right now too, hanging out with that Ty Lee girl she was dating and some friend of Ty Lee’s named Mai. Sokka wanted to invite them to meet up, but apparently, Ty Lee and Mai were childhood friends of Zuko’s sister. Small world. </p>
<p>“Yeah,” Zuko said when this came up. “I don’t know if Azula’s talked to either of them today. So, maybe it’s best if we don’t invite them here. I’d love to see Suki again, but maybe next time.” </p>
<p>They all agreed that sounded fair. Then they continued talking about their plans to continue to meet up even once fall break ended and school started back up. They all agreed they’d need to have lots of sleepovers. Toph was sure Katara and Aang had to also notice how enthusiastic Sokka was about t h a t idea. Of course he was. </p>
<p>The tea session lasted for a couple hours. Then, Zuko got a phone call. He walked away to the kitchen to answer. He was gone for a couple minutes tops, but when he came back, he was different. He was lying hard core about something. </p>
<p>“Wrong number,” he said. “I have to go to the restroom I’ll be right back.”</p>
<p>*           *          *          *          *</p>
<p>Iroh frowned at his buzzing phone. It was Ozai. Again. Azula was sleeping in the guest bedroom while Zuko and his friends hung out in the Jasmine Dragon below. He was glad she was getting some rest. She'd been asleep for over an hour. Ozai had called more over the past twenty-four hours than he had ever called Iroh before. He was trying to locate Azula. </p>
<p>Iroh sighed and answered the phone. He was getting used to lying to his brother. "I don't know where Azula or Zuko are" Iroh said. "I'm sorry, Ozai. I really-"</p>
<p>"You don't? Really?" </p>
<p>"No. I've told you." </p>
<p>"Because I saw Azula about twenty minutes ago." </p>
<p>Oh no. Iroh leaned forward, pressing his forehead into his palm. He shouldn't have left her alone. "You did?" </p>
<p>"Yes." </p>
<p>Iroh waited, filled with dread. </p>
<p>"And now she's nowhere to be found." </p>
<p>Iroh felt a glimmer of hope. Maybe Azula had decided she was done living with Ozai? Maybe she was coming back to Iroh's apartment. After her talk with Zuko earlier she'd been more sullen than ever, but Iroh wondered if she was considering that maybe therapy and a better home environment could be good for her. </p>
<p>"And her bank accounts have been drained." </p>
<p>
  <em>Wait, what?</em>
</p>
<p>
 "I'm afraid Azula has disappeared off the face of the earth with almost ten thousand dollars in cash."
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>a/n: I appreciate all you icons leaving comments SO much. your kind comments are really keeping me motivated!!!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0011"><h2>11. fairy tales</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Ozai makes an enemy.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Ba Sing Se was the best city in the world. Azula had grown up having that drilled into her head and she had always believed it. Ozai was the best leader in the world. Those who did not bow to him were fools. </p>
<p>As the train rattled along and Azula clung to the metal pole to stay standing, she wondered. The dark subway tunnels sped by like blurs outside and the smell of alcohol and vomit saturated the air and the old man sitting across from where she stood leered at her and she wondered. She had been able to put on a brave face and act calm in front of Iroh and Zuko and Zuko’s new boytoy. </p>
<p>Putting on a brave face was her specialty, after all. </p>
<p>
  <em>Never let them see you cry.</em>
</p>
<p>As soon as she was allowed in the guest room of Iroh’s apartment alone, she had dug through the drawers until she found a handful of cash. If it belonged to Zuko, he could consider it payback for the fifty dollars in cash he had stolen from her when he ran away. If it belonged to Iroh, he could go fuck himself. She climbed out the window and escaped onto the roof. It was a second story building but there was an awning below which she jumped to. After that, she leapt to the ground. </p>
<p>She had walked to the train station and bought a ticket. </p>
<p>Iroh and Zuko were idiots. Did they think she wasn’t going to leave the instant they left her alone? They had one braincell between them and it wasn’t Zuko’s. Perhaps Iroh was not a complete idiot, but she knew his weakness. When Zuko went down to the Jasmine Dragon to see his little friends, she had asked if she could go to the guest bedroom to sleep. She had asked in a tired, sad voice and given him big puppy eyes. He had given her a hug and said ‘of course, niece,’ in what she was sure he hoped was a fatherly voice. Naïve fool.</p>
<p>There was a nagging voice in her head - not like the horrifying voice of Ursa in the garden - just a nagging, intrusive worrying voice. It was questioning everything she was doing and thinking. She tried to ignore it, but it was very insistent. </p>
<p>
  <em>What if Zuko is right? What if you are crazy and you imagined everything? What if this is a normal city and Ozai is a normal mayor and you’re just insane?</em>
</p>
<p>Zuko is never right. </p>
<p>
  <em>He might be right about this.</em>
</p>
<p>He’s NOT.</p>
<p>
  <em>He wasn’t wrong about you hallucinating in the garden...</em>
</p>
<p>That was different. </p>
<p>
  <em>What if nothing you think is real is real?</em>
</p>
<p>Azula bit her tongue so hard she tasted blood to keep from screaming. </p>
<p>
  <em>What if you’re not special? What if you’re just a stupid spoiled brat and the only thing special about you is that you’ve got Daddy issues AND Mommy issues?</em>
</p>
<p>When the train stopped at the station nearest to Ozai’s mansion, she got off. It was dark and cold, and the streets were packed with late-night partiers and tourists and the smell of booze and marijuana and fried food. She was used to her fancy Cadillac or having a chauffeur. Were the streets always filled with so many drunk people? </p>
<p>She did not wrap her arms around herself and bow her head the way she noticed another young woman doing when she passed a group of drunk college boys, laughing. She raised her chin and glared at them. That only made them laugh harder. </p>
<p>She continued. The streets emptied as she made her way to the suburb where she lived. The big mansions loomed around her, most with the lights off. Tall trees and pretty rose bushes replaced the brightly lit shops and cafes. Under normal circumstances, she might have started to relax. Instead, she was feeling a rising sense of dread. </p>
<p>
  <em>Don’t let it show. He’ll know you’re afraid and he’ll use it. That’s what he does.</em>
</p>
<p>After she had watched Ozai beat Ursa and bury her in the garden, she had told no one. She had never mentioned it to Ozai. She had just kept it to herself and tried not to think of all the blood or the sound of breaking bones or her mother’s sobs.</p>
<p>Ursa being gone was a gift. </p>
<p>Ursa hated Azula. She wanted Zuko to be the favorite. Ursa would have celebrated if it were Azula being buried in the garden. </p>
<p>So, Azula told herself a story. It was a fairy tale that helped her sleep at night. It was a story where she was the protagonist. Whether she was a hero or a villain didn’t matter. What mattered was that she was not a victim. In the fairy tale, she was not a scared little girl who saw Daddy kill Mommy. Her Father was the King and she was the Princess and Ursa was the antagonist. It was a comforting fairy tale. </p>
<p>She told herself it was their little secret. Her and her Father were partners in crime. She knew his dirty secret, buried in the garden. She was powerful and scary just like him. </p>
<p>The older she got the truer certain parts of the story became. When her Father encouraged her to graduate high school early and start a degree in criminal psychology, she was allowed more and more involvement in creating city policies and working with the police. She didn’t have to imagine that she was powerful and scary because she really was. </p>
<p>She remembered reading Zuko’s stupid diary. Sneaking into his room and pulling the diary out from under his mattress had been childish. It felt like a lifetime ago. </p>
<p>
  <em>‘After all, mother never ignored her flaws and treated her like a princess the way father does. I miss her though, every day. I wonder if she would be proud of the person I am now? Or would she only be disappointed the way father is? I like to believe she wouldn’t. I like to believe she would see the good in me, even if I’m not as talented academically as Azula. It’s a comforting thought so I’ll hold onto it. Perhaps someday I will meet her again and find out for sure.’</em>
</p>
<p>Oh Zuko. </p>
<p>She had felt bad for him. She had not liked to think of him hoping for Mother’s return. So, she had gone out to the garden and told him what she thought was the truth – Mother was dead. </p>
<p>Had she said it in a teasing way? Perhaps. Tact had never been Azula’s specialty. </p>
<p>She approached the wide gates and opened them. She walked across the enormous front lawn. She opened the wide double doors. </p>
<p>Father was sitting in the living room, reading. The room was enormous, with wide windows that let in the sunlight during the day but now only cast eerie shadows across the bookshelves and racks of wine. She had never noticed how wide the room was before. Now she was standing across from her Father. He looked up slowly from his book. </p>
<p>“Azula,” he said. “I’ve been searching for you.” </p>
<p>She glanced at the book in his hands. “Clearly.” </p>
<p>He smiled, slow and deliberate, and set down the book. “You know as well as I do that legwork isn’t up to people like us. You would have been found sooner or later.” </p>
<p>She said nothing for a bit, just staring at him. “People like us.” There was no inflection implying a question in her voice, but she knew that he’d hear the accusation. She waited. He said nothing. She had known he would not make it easy. He would not bring it up. “And what kind of people are we?” Still, he said nothing. “People who brainwash the citizens of Ba Sing Se? People who steal the identities of anyone who opposes us?” </p>
<p>He smiled across the room. “You’ve never complained before.” </p>
<p>“Who said I was complaining? I’m simply asking. I want the truth.” </p>
<p>“I’ve never lied to you, Azula.” </p>
<p>She narrowed her eyes. “No?” </p>
<p>“Where is this coming from?” </p>
<p>“I want to know the truth. Where is Ursa?” </p>
<p>“What?” he seemed genuinely caught off guard. </p>
<p>Azula hid her pleasure. Letting him know how excited she was that she’d managed to surprise him would be a mistake. She had to remain cool, collected, measured. So, despite her pounding heart, she glared at him with a steady gaze. His composure was back after a moment, but she’d shaken him, just a little. </p>
<p>“You heard me, Father.” </p>
<p>“I don’t know.” </p>
<p>She smiled at him, just a little. It was a half smiled filled with confidence in the knowledge that she knew something he didn’t. It was a smile she’d learned from him. </p>
<p>“Now, we both know that’s a lie.” </p>
<p>He frowned. “It’s the truth, Azula.” </p>
<p>She calculated her moment. She waited just long enough to let confusion cross his face. He was wondering how much she knew. </p>
<p>“I was there,” she said. “That night.” </p>
<p>“What night?” </p>
<p>“Don’t make me say it.” </p>
<p>He stood up and she felt her body tense up. She composed herself fast, but not fast enough. She could see in his eyes that he knew he’d scared her. She stood her ground though. </p>
<p>“Please, by all means, say what you’ve come to say,” Ozai said. </p>
<p>“I saw you bury her in the garden,” she said. She meant for it to come out strong and steady but it came out as almost a whisper. </p>
<p>He approached and every instinct in her told her to run, but she had trained herself better than that.</p>
<p>
  <em>Never let anyone rattle you.</em>
</p>
<p>She knew how to stay put and look brave even when she felt like running. </p>
<p>He stood over her, barely a foot away, and leaned in. She didn’t move an inch. She raised her chin and glared right back at him. </p>
<p>“I have no idea what you’re talking about.” </p>
<p>LIAR. </p>
<p>She had never been so angry at anyone, but she didn’t say a word. He stared at her for a while and then walked past. She didn’t move again until she was sure she’d heard his footsteps disappear down the hall. Then, she was running. </p>
<p>She ran to her bedroom and grabbed a backpack. She threw in a few random items of clothing and her wallet with all her cash and credit cards. She pulled on her favorite leather jacket over the sweater Iroh had bought her and shoved her feet into her boots. </p>
<p>She grabbed her car keys and rushed outside. Her Cadillac was parked in the driveway. She threw her backpack into the passenger’s seat, started the engine, and peeled out of the driveway. The first place she went to was the bank. </p>
<p>She needed to get all her money out in cash before Ozai figured out she was gone and cancelled her cards. She was going to get to the bottom of this. She was going to find out the truth and there was nothing and no one who could stop her. </p>
<p>She had ALWAYS been loyal to Ozai. Before this, she would have done anything for him. She would have likely died or killed to make him happy. Her whole life, her only goal had been to make him happy. And he had lied to her face. </p>
<p>Not for Ursa, never for her, but for her own sake and for Zuko and because she didn’t like being lied to, she was going to figure this out. </p>
<p>Crazy or not, she was a force to be reckoned with an Ozai had just made one hell of an enemy.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>a/n: I will reply to as many comments as I can later tonight because you guys are AMAZING and I'm LIVING for hearing your thoughts. All the support has just meant the world to me. I normally post in the evening and reply to comments before posting but I really wanted to post this chapter before going to work because I've just been so excited about it</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0012"><h2>12. the four-leaf-clover</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Azula goes to June for help finding Ursa and later convinces Zuko her conspiracy theories aren't baseless. The gaang is determined to stand by Zuko's side no matter what happens. Suki, Ty Lee, and Mai want to help, but no one will tell them what's going on.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>cw: underage drinking</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The seedy dive bar in downtown Ba Sing Se decorated with tacky paintings of leprechauns and lots of crosses on the walls was almost empty. The 'Four Leaf-Clover' almost always was. It was why June liked to use it as a meeting spot. An old man in overalls with no shirt underneath was passed out at one of the booths, a middle-aged woman with dark stains on her clothing was sitting towards the end of the bar, smoking a cigarette and staring into space. At the other end of the bar, June was sitting with the mayor’s teen daughter.</p>
<p>June was accustomed to odd customers. It was part of the business. She found people. She hid people. She had worked for the mayor on several occasions to help him track down people he suspected of conspiring against him. Sure, he was a creep, but he paid well. She had also helped hide plenty of independently wealthy corporate money launderers and mob bosses. She was an opportunist. </p>
<p>So, when the mayor’s brat, Azula, called from a payphone and offered her three thousand dollars to help her find her mom, she agreed to meet. To be honest, she had always been sure one of Ozai’s kids would come to her at some point. She had just always thought it was going to be the other one. When she forged a new birth certificate and social for Ursa and her kids, she had expected to never see them again.</p>
<p>She had been positive Ursa and the two kids were gone for good. Then she had followed up and found out the kiddos were still with Ozai. June was not an easily surprised woman. She had made a career out of knowing how to stay one step ahead of the game. But Ursa leaving her kids behind? That was surprising. </p>
<p>The woman had been a mess. She had been crying and talking about how she wanted a better life for her children. Of course, people changed. Maybe Ursa decided she was better off without the brats burdening her. Still, she had paid a pretty penny to get them fake identities. </p>
<p>“I can try to track down your mom,” June said, sipping her beer. “It won’t be easy, though. Make it eight thousand.” </p>
<p>The mayor’s brat glared. “There’s no way. You wouldn’t have agreed to meet for three thousand if you didn’t think it was fair.” </p>
<p>“That’s not true. Maybe I just wanted a drink.” </p>
<p>The kid looked around and raised an eyebrow. “Here?” </p>
<p>“I like it here,” June said with a wink. “You want anything?” </p>
<p>The girl scoffed. “I’m sixteen.” </p>
<p>The bartender was sitting on a chair by the soda guns reading a magazine. </p>
<p>“Hey!” June said. He looked up. “She’ll have a juice box.” </p>
<p>Baby Mayor glared. She looked at the bartender. “I’ll have a-” she looked up at the drinks written on a chalkboard behind the bar. It would be obvious to a blind and deaf person that Baby Mayor had never ordered a drink before. “A Long Island Iced Tea,” she said. “That sounds good.” </p>
<p>June smirked. The bartender shrugged and started making the drink. Baby Mayor stared at June. She was obviously ready to get back to discussing business. June had to admit, she kinda liked this kid. She knew what she wanted, and she didn’t back down easily. </p>
<p>“Seven thousand,” June said. </p>
<p>“Four thousand.” </p>
<p>“Six.” </p>
<p>“Five and that’s my final offer," Azula said. </p>
<p>June smiled. The bartender set down Azula’s drink. June held up her beer. She and Azula clinked glasses and they both took a sip. “Deal,” June said. </p>
<p>“Another thing,” Baby Mayor said, sipping her drink and looking infinitesimally more relaxed now that the deal was made. “I want you to vouch for me.” </p>
<p>“Excuse me?” </p>
<p>“I’m going to call my brother and get him on board. I want you to back me up on something.” </p>
<p>“What?” </p>
<p>“A teenage boy named Jet who was part of an anarchist group wanting to assassinate my Father disappeared last summer. He reappeared as a completely new person. Jared Smith.” </p>
<p>June scoffed. </p>
<p>Baby Mayor gave her evil eyes.</p>
<p>June softened a tiny bit. “It’s not that I don’t believe you hon,” she said. </p>
<p>“Don’t ever call me that again.” </p>
<p>“Whatever kid, anyway it’s just that I know exactly who you’re talking about. It’s happened with others too.” </p>
<p>Baby Mayor looked excited now. “I knew I wasn’t crazy.” </p>
<p>“Who said you were?” </p>
<p>“What? No one. Listen, I’m about to call my brother. We agree that Jet the anarchist disappeared and reappeared as well-mannered Jared Smith, right?” </p>
<p>“Oh, absolutely.” </p>
<p>“That’s all I need you to say. I’m going to Facetime Zuko now.” </p>
<p> </p>
<p>*           *          *          *          *</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Zuko hurried into the Jasmine Dragon’s single-stall restroom. There was a window behind the toilet. If he could climb onto the tank, he could open the window and climb out. His heart was pounding. </p>
<p>He had assumed Azula’s talk of conspiracies and disappearing teen anarchists was either contrived bullshit or more evidence that Azula was delusional and in desperate need of mental help. He was glad he was wrong. It wasn’t something he’d wanted to think, but comforting his little sister while she broke down about a rotting corpse that wasn’t there wasn’t something he had wanted to have to do either. He was still worried about Azula but now he was excited at the possibility that there was more going on after all. He was scared too – he didn’t think he’d ever been so scared in his life – but the idea that his mother had never wanted to leave and was still alive was fueling his current adrenaline rush. </p>
<p>He wanted to know more of Azula’s thoughts now. What did this Jet kid have to do with Ursa? How many other people had disappeared? </p>
<p>Maybe he had been wrong to blow her off, but he hadn’t been thinking very clearly. Hearing that your missing mom was murdered by your father while your sister watched only to later find out that she was alive and had run off was a lot to take in. Whatever the case he was starting to remember that while she could be a borderline sociopath and she apparently had some mental health issues that needed addressing - Azula was also incredibly smart. </p>
<p>He climbed onto the toilet and shoved the window open. Cool night air came in. He hoisted himself up and was halfway out the window when someone grabbed his ankle and he fell to the bathroom floor. Glaring, he stood back up dusting himself off. </p>
<p>Toph, Katara, Aang and Sokka were standing there, staring at him. </p>
<p>“Traditionally, when someone tells you they have to use the restroom, you don’t follow them in," Zuko said. </p>
<p>“Traditionally,” Katara said, glaring. “When someone tells you they have to use the restroom, they don’t try to climb out a window.” </p>
<p>Zuko sighed. “There’s something I have to do.” </p>
<p>“And you thought you could just ditch us?” Aang asked, sounding hurt. </p>
<p>“Yeah, that’s low,” Sokka said. He looked at Zuko like Zuko had slapped him. His eyes were big and sad and they made Zuko’s heart break. God damn it. Now he felt bad. </p>
<p>“I’m sorry,” he said. “But this is important.” </p>
<p>“Yeah we gathered that much, King,” Toph said. </p>
<p>“And we’re with you,” Aang said. </p>
<p>“You don’t even know what’s going on.” </p>
<p>“Doesn’t matter,” Sokka said. “We’re coming.” </p>
<p>“This could be dangerous,” Zuko said. </p>
<p>“Then you better take this,” Sokka held out his hand. </p>
<p>Zuko stared at it for a long time. He was very confused. He looked at Sokka and tried to figure out what was happening. </p>
<p>“Are you….do you want to shake hands?” </p>
<p>“What?” Sokka dropped his hand. “No!” </p>
<p>Toph, Katara, and Aang burst out laughing. </p>
<p>“I was…I was trying to do a thing,” Sokka said. “Ugh, never mind, let’s just go.” </p>
<p>“Okay.” Zuko climbed back onto the toilet. </p>
<p>Sokka and Aang both started to help him up but Katara and Toph didn’t move. </p>
<p>“Um…You know, since you’re not sneaking away from us anymore, we could probably just go out the front door,” Katara said. </p>
<p>“Oh,” Zuko said, climbing off the toilet. “Yeah, that makes sense.” </p>
<p>Together, they left the restroom and then the Jasmine Dragon. Outside, the night air was chilly, and they crowded close together for warmth as they followed Zuko. Azula had told him she would be parked in the alley, waiting. </p>
<p>“I have a question,” Zuko said. “How did you guys know I was lying about having to use the restroom?” </p>
<p>“Oh, I can always tell when people are lying,” Toph said. </p>
<p>Huh. Good to know. </p>
<p>He led them towards the alley next to the Jasmine Dragon, but they were stopped before they could get to the turn. </p>
<p>Oh no. Azula was going to be pissed. </p>
<p>Ty Lee and Suki were holding hands next to Mai, who was looking as bored as ever. </p>
<p>“We saw your Snap Map location,” Suki said. “I can see that you’ve all viewed my story. You guys just decided not to invite us to meet up?” </p>
<p>“Listen, guys, we’re kind of in the middle of something-” Zuko said. </p>
<p>“Well, we’ll come along,” Ty Lee interrupted smiling hugely. </p>
<p>Zuko sighed. “Not to be rude, but-” Zuko stopped talking mid-sentence because he spotted Azula, who must have gotten out of her car to peek around the corner and maybe look in the window of the Jasmine Dragon, standing at the edge of the alley where they were supposed to meet. </p>
<p>He was about to say something else, but his stare had already distracted Suki, Ty Lee, and Mai. They turned around and spotted Azula. Mai raised a hand in greeting. Ty Lee lit up. </p>
<p>“Hi, Azula! What are you doing in that creepy alley?" </p>
<p>Azula came out of the alley and stared at the group. She gave Zuko an annoyed look. “When I said I could use your help, I did mean yours, specifically,” she said. Something was off about her, though. Her voice was a little slurred and her glare was not as focused as it normally was. </p>
<p>“I know, I’m sorry, they spotted me trying to sneak away and-”</p>
<p>“What’s going on, Azula?” Mai asked, ignoring Zuko. </p>
<p>Azula sighed. “Quite a bit. None of it is your business.” She stuck out her tongue at Mai. Mai, who never wore much of an expression at all, looked shocked. That was a very un-Azula like gesture. </p>
<p>“Oh now we’re definitely getting in on whatever is happening,” Suki said with a grin. </p>
<p>Azula glanced around. “I have to get somewhere safe,” she said. “My shitty stupid lying Father has people looking for me. It’s not safe to be out in the open like this.” </p>
<p>Zuko gaped. He had NEVER heard Azula say ANYTHING bad about Ozai. What the hell was happening?</p>
<p>“Wait a second, Azula,” Mai said, staring hard at her. “Are you drunk?” </p>
<p>“Oh yeah. Mm. Very. June bought me something called a Long Island Iced Tea.” </p>
<p>“Was that the healthiest decision right now?" Zuko asked. </p>
<p>"Was that the healthiest decision right now?" Azula repeated in an unflattering impression. Zuko glared. "Shut uppp," she said. "GOD, worry about yourself mister 'complete avoidance and dramatic outbursts are my only two coping mechanisms.' You're not better than me. ANYWAY, I really have to get somewhere hidden right about now." </p>
<p>“Yeah, okay,” Zuko agreed, looking around. </p>
<p>"I have a plan," Azula said. "You," she pointed at Zuko, "are gonna love it." She looked around at everyone else. "BUT I'm not talking about it now. 'Cause I don't trust any of you." </p>
<p>"Okayyy," Katara said, stepping forward. "Azula, I'm Katara. Nice to meet you. Now, let's get inside." </p>
<p>Katara moved to try and put an arm around Azula in what she probably thought was a helpful gesture towards an upset drunk girl. Zuko was about to try to stop her but it was too late, Katara was being flipped on her back. Katara jumped up and backed away, glaring. Zuko cringed. So that introduction could have gone better. </p>
<p>"Don't fucking touch me," Azula snapped. "I'll come inside, Jesus." </p>
<p>"Well, we're coming with you," Mai said. </p>
<p>Zuko sighed. "I think it's best you didn't," he said. </p>
<p>"Azula is our friend," Ty Lee said. </p>
<p>"I don't need any friends right now," Azula said, walking towards the Jasmine Dragon. </p>
<p>"We'll talk when you sober up," Mai said in a steady voice. </p>
<p>"Whatever," Azula said. </p>
<p>Zuko followed her into the Jasmine Dragon while the others hurried behind him. Talking to June had convinced him that there was, in fact, something bigger than any of them knew going on in Ba Sing Se. He wasn't sure Azula was in a good state to convince the others she was reliable right now, though. Once inside, they made sure the door was locked behind them and the 'Closed' sign was up. Azula started going around closing all the curtains. </p>
<p>Once the curtains were all closed, the group moved to a booth. "Okay, before I got very very drunk I actually accomplished a lot," Azula said. "Zuko, you'll be happy to know we are well on our way to seeing my least favorite bitch on the planet again." </p>
<p>Zuko stared. Was it possible? Was Azula just drunk or possibly delusional or mid-mental break or was there a real chance he was going to see his mom again? On the phone, June had only said that people's identities were being manipulated and their memories wiped. She hadn't mentioned Ursa but he could put the pieces together. He was afraid to be hopeful, but hope had a way of forcing itself into his heart anyway.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>thank you all for the amazing support 💝 every comment means so much! </p>
<p>SO! The Dream Team™ has been set up - get ready </p>
<p>Coming soon to an ao3 near you (tomorrow's chapter): A drunk Azula talks to Zuko about her feelings regarding their childhood. The gaang teams up with Azula, Zuko, Mai, Ty Lee and Suki to uncover the dark secrets of Ba Sing Se. Things heat up for Sokka &amp; Zuko </p>
<p>(disclaimer: do not expect smut)</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0013"><h2>13. the mortifying ordeal of being known</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Azula and Zuko have a tearful discussion about their childhood. </p><p>The gaang + Suki, Ty Lee, Mai, Azula &amp; Zuko work together to investigate the missing anarchist teen, Jet, who became the mild-mannered Jared Smith.</p><p>Zuko and Sokka open up about their insecurities.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>cw: discussion of mental &amp; physical child abuse</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>After Hakoda and Bato took Sokka, Katara, Toph, and Aang back to the hotel room Bato had booked, Azula was eager to tell Zuko about her deal with June. </p><p>Zuko was disappointed that she wouldn’t say much in front of the others, but he got it. He was hoping in the morning he’d be able to convince her they could help. He was sure Suki, Ty Lee, and Mai wouldn’t forget about their meetup either. He had a feeling if he coached Azula into thinking of her friends as allies who worked for her, she'd be more likely to play along. She was smart but she could also be an idiot sometimes. If it were up to her, she'd try to do this alone or just with Zuko's help and get caught or killed. He was going to make sure that didn't happen. </p><p>Azula also refused to talk about her plans in front of Iroh. Zuko was sure Uncle didn’t know what she was thinking although he was clearly glad she was back. Uncle did tell Zuko privately that Ozai had called to tell him Azula had drained her bank accounts and disappeared. Jesus, she was efficient – she’d been gone two hours at most. </p><p>Because Azula clearly wanted to talk to Zuko about something Uncle was giving them some space for now. </p><p>Zuko was honestly impressed he had been able to convince her to stay at Iroh’s for the night. Actually he was pretty sure that was a decision Sober Azula would not have made so maybe the Long Island Iced Tea had its benefits. </p><p>“Sorry I doubted you,” Zuko said. </p><p>They were sitting in Iroh’s living room in their pajamas. The couch was made up for Azula and she was sitting on it while he perched on the armchair. He had offered her the guest room since he got it before, but she just made a rude comment about not wanting to mess things up for Iroh’s special boy, so he let it go. She was favored by Ozai constantly and it was her own fault for always being such a snob that he was closer with Iroh.</p><p>“I would say it’s okay,” Azula said. “But it’s not.” </p><p>He sighed. “Okay. So, what were you saying about June?” </p><p>“She is super hot, have you ever noticed that?” </p><p>“No. Come on, focus.” </p><p>“Oh right, I forgot you were gay.” </p><p>“The plan to find Mom,” he said. Huh. He’d never told her that he was gay. He’d never told anyone that. He wasn’t even sure it was true. Not like he had any dating history. But when he was with Sokka – well. </p><p>“She’s going to find Ursa. She’s never failed to find anyone. I’m paying her five thousand dollars to find her. So, I suppose you’ll get your Mommy back and I’ll – I don’t know, move to Canada or something.” </p><p>“Why even do this then?” he asked. “If you hate Mother so much, why would you do all this to find her?” </p><p>“Oh, call it sisterly love,” she said, rolling her eyes. </p><p>He snorted. “Sure. Come on, what’s the real reason, Azula? What’s your angle?” </p><p>She smirked. “You know me well. Alright, fine. I confronted Father about what he did to her.” </p><p>Zuko was shocked. He gaped at her, speechless. He had never thought he would see the day. </p><p>“He denied everything,” she shook her head. “I fucking hate him.” The venom in her voice told him it was real. Besides, she would never say that if she didn't mean it. </p><p>Zuko considered that. He had always had a contentious relationship with Ozai – always wanting to please him, always coming up second best. His jealousy over Azula’s ability to make Ozai happy had been a shadow cast over him his whole life. Maybe it had not been easy being the favorite either though. </p><p>“Me too,” he admitted. It was true. He had never said it out loud although he had thought it a lot since finding out what Ozai had done to their mother. “I hate him so much.” </p><p>She laughed. “Oh, I know.” She shook her head. “Do you remember when we used to go to the beech as kids? And you taught me how to swim?” </p><p>“Sure,” he said. He was unsure what that had to do with anything, but it was a nice memory. </p><p>“You know how I’m automatically amazing at everything I do?” </p><p>He rolled his eyes. “I guess.” </p><p>“Well, it wasn’t like that with swimming. I remember when you were teaching me, I was so scared you were going to lose your temper. The waves kept threatening to drown me, but I would've rather drowned then quit. I figured you would scream at me, or hit me. But you didn't. You just kept showing me what to do again and again."  </p><p>“You were what – six?” he said. “How do you even remember that?” </p><p>“Because…it was the first time a new skill didn’t come easy to me and someone was patient with me." </p><p>Zuko sighed. “Come on, Mom was patient.” </p><p>Azula gave him a sad smile. “With you,” she said. </p><p>Zuko thought about that. He had only good memories of Ursa. She had been the one to teach him to swim at the same beach house. He had based his method of teaching his little sister on the way his mom taught him. He had always thought Azula was a heartless bitch for despising Ursa and worshipping Ozai. Father was violent and cruel. Mother was gentle and patient. </p><p>Azula's hatred for Ursa was just another one of the many ways she tried to emulate Ozai. She wanted to be just like Daddy. He felt for her because he got it - living with Ozai was living a constant nightmare where you were never good enough. He wanted her to be better than that, but he wasn't sure she was. He'd always wondered why she didn't miss Ursa or show any signs of being upset when Ursa went missing. Knowing that this entire time she had believed Ursa was buried in the garden added a new layer. </p><p>He had cried every night for weeks when Mother disappeared. He had tried to reach out to Azula. He thought back, wondering what he could've done differently so she might've felt safe to tell him what she'd seen but he had been nothing but kind to her. He'd gone to her again and again to make sure she was okay and been met with insults. She had been nothing but blase and cruel. </p><p>A night about a month after Ursa disappeared, he'd been crying and she'd come into his room and told him in a casual voice, 'She's never coming back. If you keep this up Dad's going to kill you.' He'd glared at her and told her to shut up, but she'd just repeated herself, 'dad's going to kill you someday.' Then she'd laughed and run away. It was a constant, teasing threat with her. Until now she had never talked about it being hard. She'd just teased and laughed and taken Father's side.<em>'Dad's going to kill you'</em> was the mantra that haunted his nightmares. Even before finding out about Ozai's attempt to murder Ursa, Zuko knew the threat was very real.</p><p>Zuko had been ten when Mother disappeared. It was hard to compare the way she’d treated him to the way she’d treated Azula – then there was the fact that Azula’s memories were warped because she was warped. She didn’t look at the world the same way other people did. Maybe he didn’t either. </p><p>Was it normal to react with fear and violence when someone reached out to touch you? He didn’t think so. He’d thought so at one point, but he didn’t anymore. </p><p>Zuko had never realized how much anger and sadness was brewing inside him, tearing him up from the inside out until he spent time at Hakoda’s home and saw how gentle and kind they were with each other. They didn’t play mind games and when someone messed up the reaction was concern and empathy rather than automatic violence. That’s what he wanted if he ever had a family. He made a silent promise to himself that if he ever had kids, they’d never be afraid of him. </p><p>“God, our parents really fucked us up, didn’t they?” he sighed. </p><p>He was surprised when he looked up from his reverie and Azula was crying. He didn’t know how to react. She’d cried in front of him one other time in recent memory and that had been terrifying. </p><p>She wiped her eyes. “Ew, you should probably leave. This is embarrassing.” </p><p>“Are you okay?” </p><p>She gave him a look that managed to be evil even as tears streamed down her face. “Yeah, I’m fine. Everything is great.” As she continued, her voice sped up and rose to a higher pitch. “I just turned against my own Father after a lifetime of working my ass off to make him happy, and I just hallucinated my mother’s rotting corpse and now I don’t know what’s real anymore and I’m so fucking scared and-” she took a steadying breath and wiped her eyes again. When she continued, she sounded calmer. “No, I’m okay. Um, we should talk more about how we’re taking down Ozai in the morning, alright? I just want to be alone right now.” </p><p>"It sucked for me too, you know?" he said. He thought about the years they'd spent competing for Ozai's affection and he thought about the way Sokka and Katara and Toph and Aang were all able to share Hakoda and Bato's love and it wasn't even love that came with violence. He suddenly felt himself tearing up too. "I had to listen to Dad talk about how great you were and how much he wished I'd never been born every day. Why do you think I was so quick to leave?" </p><p>She was crying harder now and he felt bad but he also felt like these were things he'd been dying to say for so long and he couldn't take them back. Tears were streaming down his own face too. He didn't bother to wipe them away. </p><p>"I know," she said. "I know. He always favored me, but it's not like that was easy, Zuko. Now we both know surviving in that house was not easy and it is not my fault that I was better at it than you. Do you think I enjoyed watching you suffer? Watching Dad burn your face off? Keeping what I saw happen to Mom a secret? Do you think it was easy?" </p><p>He stared at her. He didn't just think she had enjoyed watching him suffer, he knew it. Or, he'd always thought he knew it. It was hard to reconcile the person who had watched him being burned with a smile on her face with the person crying on the sofa. How many times had she made fun of him for getting hurt when he fucked up in front of Dad? Or snitched on him to get extra brownie points for herself knowing what the result would be?</p><p>
  <em>A knock at the door the evening after he'd been burned, a bottle of ibuprofen, a folded wet washcloth, and a glass of water. Gifts he might have believed a servant left if he did not spot the end of a black ponytail disappearing around the hallway corner.</em>
</p><p>It didn't matter. She'd still been heartless. She'd still done things like parrot Ozai's constant belittlements. Just because she was crying now didn't mean he forgave her. He loved her, and he'd do anything to protect her and be there for her, but he was starting to see that there was still a heavy pile of resentment that wasn't going away easily. </p><p>"If this is a game, I don't want to play," he said. "I'm tired of the mind games, okay?" </p><p>"Me too," she said. "I did what I had to do, Zuko, but it's over now. If it makes you feel better to blame me than do it. I don't feel bad," the way she was trying not to cry harder definitely contradicted that statement but he also didn't think she deserved credit for a non-apology. She'd helped make his life hell in a way he would've never, ever in a million years done to her. "I'm never going back there," she went on, "and you shouldn't either." </p><p>"I'm not," Zuko said. "No matter what." </p><p>She nodded, wiping her eyes. "I kept his secret for so long," she said, shaking her head.</p><p>"About Mom?" </p><p><em>'You could've told me,'</em> he didn't say.</p><p>She nodded. </p><p>He wanted to ask her more but he was afraid. He might not get another chance though. "In the garden..."</p><p>"I'm so scared," she admitted. In barely a whisper, she asked, "What if I'm really crazy?" </p><p>"You're not," he said. "You were eight years old and you saw something no one should have to see. It was traumatic. It doesn't mean you're crazy. We'll figure it out." </p><p>She nodded. "Sure," she said, sounding entirely unconvinced. "For now let's focus on taking Father down. That's all that matters. I can't think about what happens next." </p><p>He hesitated, but she lay back on the sofa and seemed unwilling to say more.</p><p>“Okay,” he said, getting up from the armchair. “Hey if you ever want to talk-”</p><p>“If you give me some stupid emo speech about being here for me, I will burn you alive in your sleep,” she said. But there was no real threat there. </p><p>“No speech then,” he said, heading towards the guest room. “But it’s true.” </p><p>"Zuko?" He turned around. "If you ever want to talk?" He waited. "You should find someone else." </p><p>
  <em>Yeah, that seems about right.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>*           *          *          *          *</p><p> </p><p>Sokka, Zuko, Katara, Aang, and Toph sat across from Suki, Ty Lee, Mai and Azula at a table in the Jasmine Dragon. </p><p>Operation ‘Take Down the Mayor of Ba Sing Se’ was underway. Sokka had been the only one to appreciate the brilliance of that working title for their plan to find out how Mayor Ozai was taking people’s memories and giving them new identities. He’d get the others on board though. </p><p>It hadn’t been easy to convince Azula to let more people help, but apparently Zuko had reminded her that she needed teammates the same way Ozai needed spies. Discovering the truth on her own would be impossible. Especially when she and Zuko – the only person she really wanted helping – were both technically still missing minors. Sokka noticed that while Azula got all the credit for being smart and figuring out that there was a mystery, she would probably be sleeping in her car on the street if it weren't for Zuko and she would have never gone to all of them for help which would mean she'd almost certainly be caught by her Father. Zuko deserved more credit, in Sokka's opinion. So, they were all here. </p><p>Suki used a demonstration of her ability to stealthily get them in and out of places to convince Azula that she deserved to be in on any plot to uncover conspiracies in Ba Sing Se. She snuck them all into a production by the Ember Island Players and later got them backstage. Ty Lee just had to remind Azula of her knowledge of human pressure points and her near-super-hero-like ability when it came to hand-to-hand combat. Mai could apparently hit a fly on the wall fifty feet away with a knife. She demonstrated it for them in the kitchen of the Jasmine Dragon. Sokka had been worried Iroh would be pissed, but he came to watch. Sokka asked Zuko if his Uncle knew what they were investigating and Zuko said no. So apparently Iroh just thought knife throwing was neat. Cool, cool, cool. Sokka made note of the fact that Mai apparently had knives hidden in many of her pockets as well as her boots. Interesting friends Zuko and Azula had. </p><p>Katara’s knowledge of first aid and handiness in a fight seemed to be a benefit in Azula’s mind. Sokka had to admit that he enjoyed watching Katara prove her ability by flipping Azula on her back the same way Azula had done to her the night before. He knew Azula was going through a lot, but she had that coming after doing it to Katara. Toph’s ability to detect any lies was a pro. </p><p>It was harder to convince her to let Sokka and Aang on the team but she eventually said to Sokka, “I guess Zuko’s not helping without his boyfriend and you’re not helping without your strange little friend, so you’re in.”</p><p>Interesting comment. Okay, alright, okay. </p><p>Sokka was happy Zuko was on his way to finding his mom and potentially taking down his evil Father but concerned that Zuko was putting so much faith in his sister who had hallucinations. No one here except Zuko and Sokka knew about the hallucinations, so it wasn’t like he could bring this concern up now. Besides, he had more pressing matters to consider. </p><p>“Check this out,” Sokka said, shoving a map he’d designed on his laptop the previous evening onto the table. He spread it out. “Ba Sing Se.” </p><p>“Impressive,” Azula noted. “I guess you’re more than just a pretty face for Zuzu to drool over. “</p><p>“Shut up!” Zuko snapped. </p><p>“Right,” Sokka said, his cheeks warming up. “Where was this Jet person arrested?” </p><p>Azula pointed to a spot on the map near downtown. </p><p>“Maybe we can go down there and ask around?” Aang suggested. </p><p>“Then we can find out if anyone knew him as Jet,” Katara agreed. </p><p>“I’ll join that mission,” Toph said. “I’ll know if people are lying.” </p><p>“Us three then?” Aang asked, looking at Katara and Toph. </p><p>They all nodded. </p><p>“Someone should go to the Department of Records and try to find out if there’s a record of Jet’s old identity and his new identity,” Sokka said. </p><p>“Sounds like a job for a super stealth queen,” Suki said. </p><p>“You might need some backup,” Ty Lee said, pecking Suki on the cheek. </p><p>“You guys are gross,” Mai said, rolling her eyes at them. “But I’m in.” </p><p>“There’s an underground alliance of anarchists who would love to see Ozai’s fall,” Azula said. “When I was working for my father, I was drafting a strategy to have them all taken out, so I know where all their meeting spots are. They may know something about the strange disappearances. Someone should try to talk to them.” </p><p>Okay, so she was like, actually evil. Taken out? Sokka frowned. But, he also wanted to focus on their current goal. “I can do that,” he offered. He was pretty sure getting people to talk was going to be his best bet at helping. Plus, this could be an excuse for a disguise. </p><p>“I’ll help,” Zuko said. </p><p>Azula frowned. “Your face is a tad recognizable, don’t you think?” </p><p>Sokka glared at her. He didn’t like the dig at Zuko’s scar. Especially not from someone at the table other than himself who knew the backstory. </p><p>“Not to brag,” Sokka said. “But I’m kind of an expert at makeup and disguises. I think I could get you looking unrecognizable,” he said to Zuko. </p><p>Zuko nodded. </p><p>“What are you going to do, Azula?” Ty Lee asked. </p><p>“Oh, don't worry, I have a mission of my own in mind,” Azula said. </p><p>“Everyone knows their jobs?” Sokka asked. </p><p>Everyone nodded. </p><p>“The plan is made then,” Sokka said, getting up. They all nodded conspiratorially at each other. “Let’s go.” </p><p> </p><p>*           *          *          *          *</p><p> </p><p>Zuko and Sokka sat on the bed in the guest room of Iroh’s apartment and Sokka got out a whole palette of makeup – which he had apparently had in his car? – and started sorting the various powders and creams across the mattress. </p><p>Sokka’s bag, which apparently had the other things they’d need in it too, was discarded on the floor. </p><p>Zuko had lit a few scented candles and set them on the desk. He had a small obsession with candles and incense but Ozai either threw them out when he bought them or Azula stole them for herself, so it was hard to collect that kind of thing at home. Therefore, he had a nice collection here and he thought it was creating a nice vibe. </p><p>It might’ve been a relaxing afternoon if it weren’t for the thing they were here to do. </p><p>Zuko was extremely nervous. For one thing, he had never had his makeup done. For another, he didn’t like thinking about or looking at his scar if he could avoid it. He was grateful to Iroh for getting rid of most of the mirrors here. Now he was going to have Sokka working over it, trying to hide it for the purpose of a disguise. It made his stomach hurt a little with nerves. </p><p>Sokka nodded to the office chair near the desk across the room from the bed. “Sit in that and face me, okay?” </p><p>Zuko pulled the chair over and sat down. It was the kind of chair that spun, and he found himself rocking it back and forth. The motion helped distract him from his nerves a little. </p><p>Sokka grabbed the seat of the chair and held it still. He laughed a little. “You’ll have to stay still,” he said. </p><p>“Sorry,” Zuko said. </p><p>“You know you apologize more than anyone I’ve ever met,” Sokka said, shaking his head. </p><p>“Yeah. Sorry – I mean – ugh,” Zuko sighed, and leaned forward burying his face in his hands for a second. He sat up and looked at Sokka, waiting for him to start doing the makeup. </p><p>“We don’t have to do this,” Sokka said. “I just offered because well – Azula was rude for bringing it up, but you don’t want to be recognized. We could always help a different way, though.” </p><p>“No,” Zuko said. “I want to do this. This is a good idea.” He hesitated. He didn’t want Sokka to feel like he had to do this either. “But you can back out.” </p><p>Sokka shook his head. “I told you. I’m with you.” </p><p>“But you don’t have to be,” Zuko insisted. “I mean, this is asking a lot.” </p><p>“Trying to get rid of me?” Sokka asked. </p><p>“Of course not! You and Katara and Toph and Aang are pretty much the best people I’ve ever met.” </p><p>Sokka laughed. “We are pretty great, aren’t we?” </p><p>“Yes,” Zuko said, dead serious. </p><p>Sokka’s smile faded as he caught on to Zuko’s mood. “But then why do you keep trying to sneak away whenever anything comes up?” </p><p>“Because I assume there are things you can’t just ask people to do. Questioning violent anarchist rebels comes to mind.” </p><p>Sokka considered that. “Well, I want you to know, you can ask me.” </p><p>“Noted,” Zuko said with a soft laugh. “You’re crazy for that, though. My life is pretty fucked up.” </p><p>“I thought you didn’t like the word crazy? Didn’t you say that to your sister when we were driving her back from the garden?” </p><p>Zuko rolled his eyes. “Alright, but I was using it as a joke just now.” </p><p>“Maybe leave the jokes to me,” Sokka said. </p><p>“Fair enough.” </p><p>There was a long pause while they looked at each other. Zuko considered that the way the stare was making him feel was not very heterosexual. After a moment too long, Sokka spoke. </p><p>“Right,” he said. “So, your makeup. I’m just going to put some coverup over the scar and temporary dye in both our hair. I also have fake beards for us.” </p><p>“Why do you have all that in your car?” Zuko asked. </p><p>“I’m in the costume crew at school,” Sokka shrugged. “For our play.” </p><p>“I see.” </p><p>Sokka reached over slow and deliberate and put his hand on Zuko’s cheek. He started brushing around his scarred eye. It was very gentle and it might’ve been soothing if Zuko could think of anything other than what Sokka probably thought of his scar. He was aware it wasn’t pretty. </p><p>“I know it’s kind of gross,” he said. </p><p>“Huh?” Sokka asked, still focused on applying makeup. </p><p>“I mean, it’s a burn mark. It’s gross,” Zuko said. “I’m sorry you have to do this.” Sokka stopped brushing at looked at him with wide-eyed surprise that Zuko was sure was disgust. </p><p>He knew because he had been hearing it for years – even before the scar – from Ozai and Azula and his own inner voice. He was ugly. The scar was gross, and it reminded him of some of his worst moments. Groveling in front of his father, insisting that he was loyal and respectful, begging for mercy. Just thinking about it made him feel sick. </p><p>“I know I’m not the easiest person to be around anyway,” Zuko went on while Sokka seemed frozen in shock. “And it can’t be easy to have to look at my face. I appreciate how nice you’ve been, too nice, but I know I don’t deserve it. So, I guess I just wanted to say-”</p><p>“Stop,” Sokka interrupted, shaking himself out of his shock. He looked angry. Zuko stared at the ground. He’d fucked up. He shouldn’t have brought all this up because now Sokka was probably thinking it through and realizing how angry he was with Zuko. “Just stop,” Sokka went on. When Zuko looked up he was still glaring. “Don’t talk about my friend like that.”</p><p>Zuko felt an involuntary rush of air through his lungs. “What?” </p><p>“You heard me,” Sokka said. “I don’t think about you like that, and you shouldn’t think about yourself like that.” He reached over and put his hand on the side of Zuko’s face that was scarred. Zuko stiffened up. Everyone knew better than to touch him in general, but everyone definitely knew better than to touch that part of him. Still, Sokka was staring at him with a hard, determined look and he kept his palm pressed to Zuko’s face. “I don’t find you hard to be around, or gross, and looking at your face is the best. Okay?” </p><p>“Okay,” Zuko whispered because he couldn’t think straight. </p><p>Sokka was still sitting on the bed and Zuko was still in the chair, facing him. Sokka leaned in and their faces were very close now. Zuko was afraid to move or breathe. Sokka was looking him in the eyes though and it felt like a silent conversation was happening. Without saying anything, Sokka was asking him if this was okay and he was doing his very best to communicate with his eyes that yes, this was more than okay. Sokka leaned closer. </p><p>The bedroom door opened. “Nephew, I-”</p><p>Zuko tried to propel himself away from the bed and ended up knocking the whole chair over so he ended up on his back. He jumped to his feet. Sokka was still sitting on the bed and the color of his cheeks had darkened quite a bit. Uncle was standing in the doorway, looking amused but embarrassed. </p><p>“I just wanted to let you know that I ordered pineapple pizza,” he said. </p><p>Then, he left the room. </p><p>Zuko and Sokka stared at each other. </p><p>“Uh, Zuko?” </p><p>“What?” </p><p>“You’re on fire.” </p><p>“You don’t have to make fun of-”</p><p>“No, your sleeve!” </p><p>Zuko looked down and saw that it was true. The sleeve of the red knit sweater he was wearing was in flames from one of the candles on the desk. Sokka grabbed him and tackled him onto the bed. Zuko slammed his arm onto the mattress a few times until the flame was out. </p><p>They were laying on the bed facing each other now. “I guess things are really heating up in here,” Sokka said. </p><p>Then they both burst into laughter. It was the kind of belly laughter that was hard to stop. Every time Zuko tried to get serious, he thought about falling out of the chair or Sokka’s stupid joke and burst out laughing again. After a few minutes both their cheeks were covered in tears. </p><p>“That was so stupid,” Sokka said. </p><p>“Agreed,” Zuko said, wiping a tear of laughter away. </p><p>They sat up. “Makeup?” Sokka asked. </p><p>“You’ll probably have to start over,” Zuko said, wiping his eyes. </p><p>He got back in the chair and faced the bed. Sokka started again on his makeup and this time he was less nervous. </p><p>“You know, I always felt like Katara was more talented than me in a lot of ways,” Sokka said, out of nowhere. </p><p>“Oh,” Zuko said. “That’s rough buddy.” </p><p>“Yeah,” Sokka went on. “It made me feel like I always had to be competing with her to even be considered worthy. And then Aang came along and he’s taking poli sci college courses online and he’s way into meditation so he’s super emotionally mature. And then Toph became part of our family, and she doesn’t do as great at school as Katara or Aang but she’s out there killing it with extracurriculars and things she organizes herself. And I’m just…me.” </p><p>Zuko was pretty sure based on the map that Sokka had created of Ba Sing Se and just hearing Sokka talk in general that Sokka was greatly underestimating his own intelligence. Sokka thought about the world in a way no one else Zuko had ever met did. It was noticeable in even the silliest of conversations, like when they were talking about Buzzfeed Unsolved - Sokka thought about the ways everything fit together in such a smart way. Sokka was kind and smart and endlessly fun to be around and it killed Zuko that Sokka didn't think of himself that way. </p><p>Zuko wasn’t sure what to say. He wasn’t good with words like Sokka. He didn’t know how to tell people what they meant to him. </p><p>“I’m telling you this because I know you sometimes feel like you’re not good enough, or whatever,” Sokka said. “And I wanted you to know you’re not alone.” </p><p>“Oh,” Zuko said. He wanted desperately to be able to tell Sokka that he didn’t care if Sokka was better or worse at anything than his siblings, adopted or otherwise. He decided to try. “I’m not as good at explaining things as you,” he said. “But I hope you know I see you. I mean, not everyone does, but they should. Like with that map you made to help with the plan? And the way you helped delegate the work? Or the way you look out for Katara and Toph and Aang and make sure they’re ok? The way you look out for me? Maybe not everybody notices, but I do.” </p><p>Sokka smiled and set down the brush. “Thanks,” he said. “Now, we have to do our hair. Then the fake beards.” </p><p>Zuko touched his chin, frowning. “Do we have to do the fake beards?” </p><p>“Yes?” Sokka said. “Obviously? How do you think disguises work?” </p><p>Zuko sighed. He did not think the fake beards were entirely necessary and he also didn’t understand why Sokka was doing a disguise too even though no one would recognize him. Sokka was clearly enjoying this part of executing the plan so he let him have his fun. “Ok.” </p><p>Sokka dug around in the bag he had brought in and eventually came out with some hair dye. “Purple or blue?” </p><p>“Are those the only two options?” Zuko asked. </p><p>“Hey, we’re lucky I just happened to have disguise materials in my car,” Sokka said. </p><p>“Then I choose purple,” Zuko said. “I think you would look good with blue.” </p><p>Sokka beamed. </p><p>The next two hours were spent in the bathroom. They combed the double-sided tint brush through one another’s hair and then put on the plastic caps. Zuko caught a glimpse of himself in the mirror and froze. Sokka had completely covered up his scar. He still looked fucked up because his eye on that side would never be the same and it was obvious that eyebrow was drawn on. It looked more like he had a skin problem and a fucked up eye than a huge burn though. </p><p>“What do you think?” Sokka asked, sounding nervous when he saw Zuko looking. </p><p>Zuko shrugged. “I’ll never win any beauty contests but I think you did a good job.” </p><p>“Thanks,” Sokka said. “But I already told you I love your face, so quit getting down on yourself.” </p><p>After that, it was hard not to smile. </p><p>The temporary hair dye didn’t work too well for either of them since they both had dark hair. It was more tinted than actually dyed. However, Zuko convinced Sokka that it was good enough. He could tell if he didn’t tame this idea a little it could end with Sokka having them spend the day at the hair salon instead of interrogating anarchists. </p><p>Sokka did absolutely insist on the fake beards. </p><p>When they went out, everyone but Azula was off on their own mission. Iroh and Azula were sitting very far apart watching TV in the living room. Zuko was hoping he and Sokka could get past them without notice. Luck had never been something Zuko had in abundance though. </p><p>When they walked out, Iroh and Azula looked over. The TV turned off. There was a long pause. </p><p>Then Iroh and Azula were both laughing. </p><p>Sokka and Zuko were both glaring. </p><p>“What-” Azula was laughing so hard she couldn’t speak “-are you two doing?” </p><p>“You know what-” Zuko started to say.</p><p>At the same time, Sokka asked. “Don’t you have something you’re supposed to be doing?” </p><p>“Yes,” Azula said, still laughing. “Later.” </p><p>“Um, Nephew,” Uncle said, “Where are you two off to?” </p><p>“A movie,” Zuko said. </p><p>At the same time, Sokka said “A cosplaying event.” </p><p>They looked at each other. </p><p>“A movie cosplaying event,” Sokka continued. “Like a comic con.” </p><p>“I see,” Iroh said. </p><p>“We’re taking my car,” Sokka explained. “We’ll be safe, Sir.” </p><p>Iroh chuckled. “Iroh is fine,” he said. “And yes, please be safe.” </p><p>“Have fun,” Azula called after them. “Do be safe! Wear protection!” </p><p>Zuko took Sokka’s hand and dragged him out of the apartment ignoring Azula’s laughter as he slammed the door. </p><p>“Ready to go interrogate some anarchists?” he asked Sokka as they got outside and walked into the parking lot where Sokka’s pickup was parked. </p><p>Sokka nodded. “Hell yeah.”</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0014"><h2>14. not a very nice person</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>The gaang + Suki, Ty Lee &amp; Mai investigate the past of the teen anarchist formerly known as Jet. </p>
<p>Azula and Zuko both take to increasingly extreme measures to find their mother and take down their father.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>cw: some underage drinking / guns / auditory hallucinations</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Katara had done a quick search of ‘Jared Smith’ on social media. Azula was right. He seemed to have popped into existence since last summer. His Facebook, Instagram and Twitter had all been created since then and there was no digital record of him before that. Based on his social media, he was the most boring person alive. </p>
<p>It was hard to believe he had once been ‘Jet the anarchist who wanted to burn Mayor Ozai’s house to the ground.’ He was an orphan and lived on his own even though he was only sixteen. He posted about missing his parents a lot, but there was never any anger involved. Their house had been blown up in a gas explosion. Based on Azula and Zuko’s suspicions about their father, Katara had a bad feeling the explosion hadn’t been an accident. </p>
<p>Other than the death of his parents, there wasn't much to Jared Smith. He didn't seem to have a personality outside of supporting Mayor Ozai and the police. There was no sense of humor in his posts, there was no hint at any interest in pop culture or music or books. His profile pictures were just him looking blank. </p>
<p>Katara, Aang and Toph were walking through the neighborhood where Jet had been arrested. It was downtown and there were people everywhere. Katara sat down on the edge of a fountain with a statue of Ozai in the middle. Aang and Toph joined her. </p>
<p>It had been about an hour since they all sat down together to discuss the plan. Sokka and Zuko were currently getting their disguises ready, and Suki, Ty Lee and Mai were at the department of records. Katara was trying to focus on what they were supposed to be doing but she was worried about the others. </p>
<p>She also didn’t trust Zuko’s sister. Why was she being so secretive about her part of this plan? Katara was always down to take down a corrupt government, but something wasn’t sitting right. </p>
<p>“What are we supposed to do?” Aang asked. “Just ask around if anyone knew a kid named Jet whose entire identity changed?” </p>
<p>“Excuse me,” someone said. “You guys are looking for Jet?” </p>
<p>Katara exchanged a look with Aang. </p>
<p>“What about it?” Toph asked. </p>
<p>“Not here,” said the person, who had dark hair and bangs and wore baggy clothing. Their friend was very tall skinny guy who was eyeing them warily. </p>
<p>“Follow us,” said the shorter person. </p>
<p>Katara, Aang and Toph followed. Katara made sure she was standing between the two kids who had approached them and Aang and Toph. When their two mysterious companions entered a dark alley, she stopped. She held up her arms to stop Aang and Toph as well. </p>
<p>“What?” asked the kid in baggy clothes. </p>
<p>“You want us to follow you into an abandoned alley,” Katara said. </p>
<p>“Do you want to know about Jet or not?” </p>
<p>“This is why we came here, Katara,” Aang whispered. </p>
<p>“Do you promise you’re not going to tie us up and throw us in some creepy basement?” Katara asked. She knew it sounded like a stupid question – if they were planning to do that, of course they’d lie about it. They didn’t know about Toph’s ability to detect lies though. </p>
<p>“We promise.” </p>
<p>Katara looked at Toph, who gave her a subtle nod. </p>
<p>They followed the other two to the back of the alley. </p>
<p>“My name is Smellerbee,” said the shorter kid in the baggy clothes. They nodded at their taller friend. “This is Longshot.” </p>
<p> </p>
<p>*           *          *          *          *</p>
<p>Sokka and Zuko entered the ‘Four Leaf-Clover,’ an Irish pub with tacky leprechaun decorations and crosses covering the walls. It was mostly empty. This was one of the spots Azula claimed the anarchist group in Ba Sing Se sometimes met. </p>
<p>They sat down at the bar. “What can I get for you gentlemen?” the bar tender asked. </p>
<p>“I’ll have a-” Sokka paused and cleared his throat, realizing his voice was coming out way too high. “I’ll have a beer.” </p>
<p>“The same for me,” Zuko agreed. </p>
<p>The bar tender nodded and turned around, filling up two glasses. It was late afternoon and the others were busy with their parts of the plan. Now that they were here, Sokka wasn’t quite sure what they were supposed to be doing. </p>
<p>Zuko seemed to be wondering the same thing. He scooted his bar stool close to Sokka and leaned in. Sokka knew he just wanted to whisper something, but he still felt the butterflies in his stomach dancing. He had realized over the past couple days that he would do anything for this guy. </p>
<p>“Are we just supposed to just ask people if they’re anarchists?” Zuko whispered.  </p>
<p>Sokka shrugged. “I guess?” </p>
<p>Zuko had brought along two machetes, which were now tucked in sheathes in his belt. Sokka thought that might be overkill, but Zuko explained that thanks to his Dad’s obsession with his kid’s mastering all kills, he’d gotten training to use them. Sokka was feeling increasingly inadequate. What was with Zuko having training to fight with double-machetes and his friends having training in acrobatics and knife throwing? What happened to just being a normal teen? </p>
<p>As soon as the question crossed his mind he felt like an idiot. Of course Zuko wasn’t a normal teen. He was Mayor Ozai’s son for crying out loud. Even before that, Sokka had known there was more to Zuko – he’d overheard a conversation about a murder when Zuko was staying at his house. He just hoped he was able to help as much as he wanted to. </p>
<p>He had gotten the only thing he could think of to help from his car and stuck it in his belt loop. It was an old boomerang he’d bought at a thrift store a while ago. At the time, he had thought it might be fun. Now he thought maybe if it came to it, he could use it as a weapon. He hoped it didn’t come to it. </p>
<p>“Hey,” a man with a heavy limp approached them. “You two looking for the Freedom Fighters?” </p>
<p>Sokka and Zuko exchanged a look. It couldn’t be that easy, could it? The guy sat down on the barstool next to Sokka. He was wearing a heavy trench coat and his grizzled face was covered in burn marks. Every movement seemed to pain him. </p>
<p>“Uh….Yes?” Sokka tried. </p>
<p>“Follow me,” the guys said. </p>
<p>They got up and followed him outside. He led them behind the building. There were several abandoned buildings behind the ‘Four Leaf-Clover and unlike the bustling streets of most of Ba Sing Se, there was no one around. </p>
<p>Once they were outside, the guy pulled out a gun and aimed it at them.</p>
<p>*           *          *          *          *</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Suki was always down for a revolutionary plan. Being friends with Katara and Aang meant she had participated in her share of semi-legal direct action when it came to environmental or human rights activism. So, she was honestly excited about this. That her amazing acrobat girlfriend and her girlfriend’s badass knife throwing best friend were into it was a big bonus. </p>
<p>It was late afternoon. Katara, Aang and Toph were downtown trying to find people who might have known “Jet” before he became “Jared.” Sokka and Zuko were getting ready to go infiltrate the anarchist group Azula had mentioned. She was standing outside the department of records with Ty Lee and Mai. </p>
<p>“Everyone remembers the plan to get in, right?” Suki asked. </p>
<p>A uniformed worker came out of the building and saw them standing near the door. He was in his early twenties. The look on his face when he spotted them told Suki this was going to work. </p>
<p>“Can I help you ladies?” he asked. </p>
<p>Ty Lee gave him big puppy-eyes. “We’re visiting from Hira’a and we don’t know the city very well. We’re looking for some friends to show us around.” </p>
<p>“Really?” </p>
<p>“Yes,” Suki said. “Don’t you have two friends inside?” </p>
<p>The guy was already typing on his phone. Suki and Ty Lee exchanged a smirk. Mai rolled her eyes at them. </p>
<p>A minute later two more uniformed workers came out. Two minutes later Ty lee was in action. Three minutes later the girls were each dragging an incapacitated man to the side of the building and behind the dumpster out of sight from the street. Within five minutes they were each in uniform with badges and key fobs. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>*           *          *          *          *</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“We knew Jet,” Smellberbee explained. </p>
<p>Katara, Aang and Toph were sitting in the alley with Smellberbee and Longshot. They’d all made their introductions and Toph’s ability to recognize lies had relaxed both Katara and Aang. Smellerbee and Longshot weren’t lying, they were genuinely friends of Jet. </p>
<p>“We were part of a group called the Freedom Fighters.” </p>
<p>“That must be the group Azula was talking about Ozai wanting to take down,” Aang said. </p>
<p>“Probably,” Smellerbee agreed. “But Longshot and I aren’t part of that anymore. Jet isn’t either, I guess.” </p>
<p>“What do you mean?” Katara asked. </p>
<p>“Jet used to be radical,” Smellerbee explained. Longshot nodded. “I mean, very radical. He wanted to kill the Mayor. He wanted to burn his house down with him and all the servants and his kids inside. We didn't like the plan and we all got into a huge fight about it downtown. Well, the Mayor and his daughter found out about the plan. His daughter and the police arrested him.” Smellerbee sniffled. "We shouldn't have talked about it in public. Stopping Jet was the right thing to do, but not like that."  </p>
<p>They knew all this. Well, the detail that Jet had wanted to burn down the house with Zuko and his sister inside and not just Ozai was new. But Katara was eager to get to the parts they didn’t know. </p>
<p>“What happened after he was arrested?” </p>
<p>Smellerbee sighed. “I have no idea. They took him somewhere – we don’t know where. There are rumors about it. Jet knew other Freedom Fighters had been taken there before.” </p>
<p>“Where? What did they do to people there?” Aang asked, leaning forward. </p>
<p>Longshot shook his head sadly. </p>
<p>“They wipe your memory,” Smellberbee said. “Jet acts like he doesn’t know us now. And you know how I mentioned him being radical before? He’s the opposite now. He worships the ground Mayor Ozai walks on.” </p>
<p>*           *          *          *          *</p>
<p>Sokka thought fast. </p>
<p>He pulled the boomerang out of his belt and threw it at the guy. It knocked the gun out of his hand and came flying back. Sokka caught the boomerang. </p>
<p>The guy lunged for the gun, but Zuko was faster. He had out his machetes before Sokka could blink. Zuko leapt between the guy and his gun and blocked him with the machetes. Sokka ran over and kicked the gun farther away. Even as he did so he couldn't help but notice how hot Zuko was fighting with those machetes. Yeah, he was only falling harder for him every day. Except right now he had to focus. </p>
<p>The old man stood up and looked at them in fear, backing away. </p>
<p>Two more people came from around the corner. They were both younger than the first guy, who wasn’t much of a threat without a weapon. Each of these new people were wearing ski masks. They both drew their guns. </p>
<p>Sokka threw the boomerang again and knocked the gun out of one of the guy’s hands. It ricocheted and hit the other guy’s gun before flying back into Sokka’s hand. </p>
<p>Both the guys pulled out their own machetes. </p>
<p>What the hell kind of city was Ba Sing Se? </p>
<p>Zuko was in action fast. He knocked one of the guy’s machete’s out of his hand and it went flying. That guy ran away. Zuko dodged an attack from the other guy and then knocked his machete away too. The second guy ran away too. </p>
<p>The old man was still standing there, watching with wide eyes. “I’m sorry,” he said. “Please don’t kill me.” </p>
<p>“Kill you?” Zuko frowned, still holding his machetes defensively. Sokka was still gripping his boomerang, ready to use it. “You attacked us,” Zuko pointed out. </p>
<p>“You have to understand,” the man said. “I recognized you, even in your disguise. You have to understand what your family did to me.” </p>
<p>Zuko ripped away the fake beard. Sokka supposed they’d been found out now, so he ripped his away too. The costumes had been a good idea, but not every good idea worked. </p>
<p>“What are you talking about?” Zuko asked. </p>
<p>“Your Father knew my family were Freedom Fighters,” the man said. “He burned down our house. My son died in the fire. He made my wife forget who I am.” </p>
<p>“Your wife,” Zuko said, approaching him. He kicked the guy over and stood over him, holding the machetes in a clear threat. “Where did they take her?” </p>
<p>“I don’t know,” the man said, starting to cry. “Please, I’m sorry.” </p>
<p>“Zuko…” Sokka said. </p>
<p>“I need to know where they took her!” Zuko yelled in the guy’s face. “Where?” </p>
<p>“I…I’ve tried to find out. I don’t know much, please.” </p>
<p>“Tell me,” Zuko said. He was holding the machetes dangerously close to the guy. "Tell me whatever you know." </p>
<p>“Zuko!” Sokka yelled. </p>
<p>Zuko glanced around. “What?” he snapped. </p>
<p>Sokka shook his head. “You need to calm down.” </p>
<p>“Calm down? This guy might know where my mother was taken!” Zuko said. “You’re telling me you wouldn’t do anything to see your mom again?” He looked down at the guy. “Tell me what you know.” </p>
<p>“There are rumors,” the guy whispered. “A place called Lake Laogai.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>*           *          *          *          *</p>
<p>The library of records wasn’t hard to get into once they were inside the department of records. The front desk person didn’t even question them. She just gave them a big smile. Suki found her a little creepy. She was pretty, but there was something off about her smile – it was too big or something. Her name tag read ‘Joo Dee.’ Interesting name. </p>
<p>They had key fobs from the workers Ty Lee had incapacitated that let them into the library of records itself. </p>
<p>Inside, it was a matter of walking through long halls between tall metal shelves with hundreds of drawers. The drawers were labeled alphabetically so it was a matter of finding the letter ‘J.’ Mai spotted it when she wandered away from Suki and Ty Lee, and called them over. </p>
<p>“Guys,” she said. “Check this out.” </p>
<p>They hurried over and found Mai leaning over an open folder. Inside were pages of information about the anarchist fighter by the name of ‘Jet’ including a picture of him with a stick of wheat between his teeth. </p>
<p>Suki took out her phone and started taking pictures and sending them to the group chat Sokka had labeled ‘team teen vigilantes.’ </p>
<p>Out of nowhere, someone came up behind her and she felt a bag being shoved over her head and heard Ty Lee and Mai screaming. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>*           *          *          *          *</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Niece, I’m glad you’ve decided to stay,” Iroh said. </p>
<p>Azula frowned. “Who said I’ve decided to stay?” </p>
<p>They were sitting in Iroh’s living room. It was late evening and Iroh had turned on ‘Bates Motel.’ Azula knew he wasn’t a horror fan and had turned it on for her benefit. She didn’t look up from the screen when he spoke. </p>
<p>“Well, you got your money out of the bank and came back.” </p>
<p>She reached for the remote and paused the show, turning to glare at him. “I came back for Zuko,” she said in a sharp voice. No need to mention that she’d come back for Zuko’s help investigating a dark conspiracy in Ba Sing Se. Iroh already thought she was crazy. She didn’t need him getting it twisted and thinking she expected him to be a surrogate Father to her the way he was to Zuko though. “And it’s not as if you’ve even offered.” </p>
<p>Iroh gave her a sad look. “The offer was implied when I said I would get you in therapy. Speaking of…” </p>
<p>“I don’t want to talk about that right now.” </p>
<p>“We’re going to have to talk about it at some point.” </p>
<p>She could tell the truth – that she had almost completed a degree in the psych field, and she knew what usually ended up happening to people who saw things that weren’t there, and it wasn’t good. Most were involuntarily committed or relied on family members for care. Both options were disgusting and not actual options. Her specialty was criminal profiling, but she’d still taken abnormal psych, so there was no need for her to see a therapist.</p>
<p>Azula had tried to think about what might be wrong with her last night while drunk, but it had not gone too well.</p>
<p>It had been Zuko that made her remember that she had the option to analyze herself, she had just never tried it before. He had mentioned her ‘seeing something traumatic.’ That thought had literally never occurred to Azula. She had always told herself it was her and her Dad against the world and Ursa was the enemy. So, why would seeing Ursa beaten and buried in the garden be traumatic? </p>
<p>No, trauma was for other people. Zuko? He was traumatized. He had been a victim his whole life. That wasn’t her and it never would be. Sure, things hadn’t been easy, and she’d accidentally drunkenly admitted as much to Zuko, but she was still the lead player – always had been always would be. She was still going to win against her former teammate – her Father. </p>
<p>So, case closed. </p>
<p>Except her question wasn’t whether she had trauma it was why the fuck she had hallucinated her mom’s dead body. After realizing she was analyzing the wrong thing, she passed out. Now Iroh was making her think about it again. </p>
<p>She could tell him that she had only told him she was willing to see a shrink to placate him. She could tell him soon it wouldn’t matter because he’d never have to see her again. Once Ozai was taken down she would go her own way. Iroh and Zuko could be free of her. </p>
<p>But telling the truth led the possibility of being involuntarily committed. </p>
<p>“I’m fine now,” she said. “Actually, I’m going out.” </p>
<p>“Where are you going?” </p>
<p>“Zuko and his boyfriend invited me to get food. Their comic con event is over.” </p>
<p>“You know, it’s been a while since I was a parent but I’m fairly certain there’s a general rule against letting teenage girls who came home drunk the previous night go out.” </p>
<p>“Good thing you’re not a parent anymore.” </p>
<p>Azula got up and left. She did not look back as she grabbed a set of keys from the hook by the door. She was sure he would be up in a second, coming after her, trying to stop her or talk to her but she’d have enough time to get away. She had purposefully said the worst thing that came to mind to shock Iroh and give herself time to get away.  </p>
<p>She didn’t care. She hoped it hurt. She hoped it burned. </p>
<p>It was time to recognize her role here anyway. She couldn’t let herself go soft. She couldn’t let herself care. </p>
<p>If this were a story, she was sure she would be the villain. </p>
<p>Azula had never been a people person. She was good at manipulating people and using her status as Ozai’s daughter to dominate others but there was a reason she only had two friends. She could take apart the qualities that made a serial killer violent or analyze a person’s behavior and diagnose them with a mental disorder, but it didn’t mean she understood the nuances of the way people interacted. It’s why sometimes when Ty Lee was driving her crazy by having everything social come so easy to her, Azula would call Mai and they could sit in silence each doing their own thing. </p>
<p>She’d been raised to care about actions and results, not morals or relationships. Zuko had too, but he’d also had Ursa and Iroh teaching him a different way to be. She had always been jealous of that – it was one of the reasons her resentment for Ursa ran so deep. It’s not like Zuko was winning any popularity contests, but he’d gotten this new group of people to like him and he even had that cute Sokka guy wrapped around his finger. </p>
<p>After talking to Zuko last night she realized that her father was most likely a ‘bad person.’ Concepts of ‘good’ and ‘bad’ were never a qualifiers Azula had given much thought to, but it bothered her now that she thought about it. </p>
<p>If Father was a bad person what did that make her? </p>
<p>She had said herself that she was Father’s right-hand woman. She had helped him every step of the way as he plotted against other politicians and dominated the people of Ba Sing Se. Zuko had pointed out the way she’d made his life worse since the day she was born and Ozai decided he favored her. </p>
<p>Ursa and Zuko were the heroes here. </p>
<p>She would never be the hero because she wasn’t a nice person. </p>
<p>She knew this because she had been told as much. She remembered when she was a freshman in high school and a cute boy asked her to a dance and she was overjoyed because Ty Lee was going with one of the many guys she went out with and Mai was going with Zuko as friends and she had been so afraid no one would want to go with her. In her opinion, the dance had been going well. </p>
<p>She’d had her first kiss that night. She’d given Chan a speech about how they were going to be the best couple in the entire school and everyone else would bow down to him. He had told her it was over for them – over before it even started. </p>
<p>
  <em>“Why?” she asked. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“Because you’re weird. And you’re not a very nice person.”</em>
</p>
<p>So, that was it. She didn’t want to be a nice person anyway. There were more important things than being nice. </p>
<p>In the end, Chan had gotten his when his house burned down under “mysterious” circumstances while he was on vacation. </p>
<p>The others were doing their parts for the plan to take down Ozai, and she was doing hers. The others were too weakened by caring about being ‘good people’ to know about her part. Ozai needed to be taken down and she had to get to the truth by any means necessary. </p>
<p>She marched towards the parking lot where Iroh’s car was parked. It was dark out, but the sidewalk was packed with people. It occurred to her that Zuko and Sokka might have had the right idea with disguises, but it was too late now. </p>
<p>She unlocked Iroh’s car and got in, starting the engine. Her Cadillac was still parked in the alley. Taking it would be idiotic though, considering Ozai surely had the police looking for it. Iroh would be unlikely to call the police on her. She realized now, though it disgusted her, that Iroh didn’t necessarily hate her. He pitied her, which was much worse. Maybe stealing his car would take away some of his foolish pity. </p>
<p>
  <em>“Don’t do this.”</em>
</p>
<p>Azula screamed a little and looked in the backseat and passenger seat. No one was there. Maybe she had imagined it. </p>
<p>
  <em>“Azula, you don’t have to do this."</em>
</p>
<p>Mother. The bitch was back. <em>‘Shit, shit shit not now,’</em>she thought. “I do have to do this,” she whispered to the empty car. </p>
<p>
  <em>“Your brother wants to find me, but not like this.”</em>
</p>
<p>“Your perfect little Zuzu wants to take down Ozai as badly as I do. He’s not the angel you think he is. This is about vengeance.” </p>
<p>
  <em>“Vengeance? For what?”</em>
</p>
<p>“You know what,” Azula said, getting angry. “Why are you pretending not to?” </p>
<p>
  <em>“So this is because Ozai lied to you? That’s the only reason you’re doing all this? That’s the only reason you’re teaming up with your brother? You could take out Ozai alone. You could do it without trying to find me.”</em>
</p>
<p>“I don’t even see why this matters to you.” Azula froze realizing she was arguing with someone who wasn’t there. “This is ridiculous. You’re not even real.” </p>
<p>
  <em>“Then the questions I’m asking must be coming from you.”</em>
</p>
<p>“Just shut up. I hate you.” </p>
<p>
  <em>“And I love you.”</em>
</p>
<p>“Stop saying that,” Azula felt a lump in her throat and swallowed it. “Please, just stop.” </p>
<p>
  <em>“I’ve always loved you.”</em>
</p>
<p>“No, you haven’t, please stop.” Even though the car was empty the way her voice cracked was embarrassing. Of course Mother would want to humiliate her. “Say that you hate me. Say that I’m a monster. It’s the truth.” </p>
<p>
  <em>“You’re not a monster, Azula. But what you’re about to do is something Ozai would do.”</em>
</p>
<p>Azula gritted her teeth. Mother had always hated her for being smart and not burdened by emotions. The bitch wasn’t going to talk her out of this. </p>
<p>“Shouldn’t you be happy?” Azula snapped. “You hate Ozai. This is the way to find out what he’s doing and stop him.” </p>
<p>
  <em>“I don’t want you to lose yourself on the way. I want to see you again. I love you.” </em>
</p>
<p>“STOP SAYING THAT.” She was shaking now, gripping the steering wheel.</p>
<p>
  <em>“It’s the truth.”</em>
</p>
<p>“Shut up,” Azula whispered. After years of not crying she was having a hard time going a night without crying lately. </p>
<p>
  <em>“I love you-”</em>
</p>
<p>“SHUT UP!” She was having trouble breathing and she couldn’t stop the tears from coming. She tried to take a deep breath. “You’re not real.” </p>
<p>Azula turned on the radio. It was a folky sounding pop song. </p>
<p>
  <em>‘Yeah I was out of touch,<br/>
But it wasn’t because I didn’t know enough<br/>
I just knew too much<br/>
Does that make me crazy?’</em>
</p>
<p>“You’ve got to be kidding me,” Azula muttered. She changed the station. Rock music blared. </p>
<p>
  <em>‘Mama we all go to hell, 
Oh well now, Mama, we’re all gonna die,
Mama, we’re all gonna die.’</em>

</p>
<p>Well, if it worked it worked. She turned the volume to full blast and shifted gears, slamming her foot on the gas.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>a/n: you guys have been so supportive &amp; amazing &amp; every comment just fuels me so much. if you're reading this I hope you're having a great day 🥰</p>
<p>song quote credits: 'Crazy' by Gnarls Barkley &amp; 'Mama' by My Chemical Romance</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0015"><h2>15. spare tires</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Azula loses control</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>cw: hallucinations / violence</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Jared Smith was sitting in his living room watching ‘David Letterman’ when a crazy chick burst into the room. She was wearing a leather jacket and boots and she was holding a bottle of hair spray and a lighter. Jared jumped up, not sure what he planned to do. The girl held up the bottle of hair spray and lit the lighter so that flames shot across the room. Jared took several steps back, staring at her in panic. </p><p>“You don’t even lock your doors? Idiot,” she said. </p><p>The next thing he knew, he was being flipped onto his back having his arms tied behind his back and his ankles tied together. Whoever this girl was, she was strong as heck. </p><p>She stood over him, holding the cannister of hair spray and the lighter. She lit the lighter again and flames shot forward. Jared felt the heat from the flames and screamed, rolling away to dodge them. The flames singed the carpet where he had been seconds ago. </p><p>“Shut up,” she snapped. </p><p>“What do you want from me?” he asked. “I don’t have any money. Please, I barely pay the bills. I don’t have any family and I don’t have anything for you, I-”</p><p>“You used to be part of an anarchist group called the Freedom Fighters,” the psycho chick said, interrupting him. </p><p>“I don’t know who the Freedom Fighters are,” Jared said. “Please, lady-”</p><p>“You’re going to remember who the fuck you are, Jet.” </p><p>“Jet? I don’t even know who that is,” he said. “Please.” </p><p>“You’re going to remember,” she said. </p><p>Then she froze, like she had heard something. Maybe the police were coming? Jared felt a moment of hope. </p><p>The girl was listening intently. “I don’t care,” she said, to no one. “I thought I told you to shut up.” </p><p>Her attention returned to Jared. “This is for your own good, anarchist scum,” she said. </p><p>“Anarchist? What?” Jared was staring at her hard. He knew her. She was famous. She looked unhinged now and he was used to seeing her completely put together, so he hadn’t recognized her at first. It was Mayor Ozai’s kid. “Wait,” he said. “Azula? You’re the mayor’s daughter! Listen, I support your dad. I’m going to vote for him and everything. You don’t want to do anything crazy.” </p><p>She laughed. “Crazy?” she asked. “Oh, but I am crazy, Jet. You have no fucking idea.” </p><p>She shoved a cloth in his mouth and dragged him outside by the ankles. He tried to fight but she was stronger than him. She tossed him into the trunk of a car parked in the driveway and slammed it shut. </p><p> </p><p>*           *          *          *          *</p><p> </p><p>Zuko was pacing around the Jasmine Dragon. It was late at night and he was worried. Sokka, Katara, Aang and Toph were going home tomorrow and it felt like they had accomplished next to nothing. </p><p>They could, of course, continue to come and visit and work towards solving the mystery of the Ba Sing Se's local government wiping people's memories, but autumn break wouldn't last forever. It felt like break had been going on a long time but eventually, Zuko would have to turn his attention to things like making sure he and Azula were able to stay with Iroh and not go back to Ozai and - Jesus - high school. That was hard to think about right now. He just wanted to find his mom. </p><p>Honestly, he'd been missing her for years but now that the idea of finding her was there it was like a beacon of hope for him. There was nothing Zuko wanted more than to hug his mom and have her tell him everything would be okay just like she had when he was a kid. </p><p>Katara, Aang and Toph had confirmed that Jet had friends who had been part of an anarchist group called the Freedom Fighters. According to their texts earlier, Suki, Mai and Ty Lee had discovered that Jet had been given a new identity. Their photos of his file detailed a new identity named Jared Smith. These were all things they had basically already known, though. </p><p>Sokka was sitting in a booth. The Jasmine Dragon was closed to visitors for the night. Iroh was upstairs. Sokka was watching Zuko pace, looking nervous. </p><p>“Lake Laogai,” Sokka said. “That’s information. It’s good. We’ll find your mom.” </p><p>Zuko stopped pacing and looked at Sokka. “Yeah,” he said. He tried to feel celebratory. </p><p>He knew where the lake was, he just didn’t see how it was relevant. It was a lake near the outskirts of Ba Sing Se. He’d visited it plenty of times with his mom as a kid. There was nothing special about it. </p><p>“Where’s your sister?” Sokka asked. “Have you talked to her?” </p><p>Zuko shook his head. He was so angry at Azula right now. He had gone up to talk to Uncle and it was obvious Uncle was upset. He tried to hide it with zen comments about how everyone had to work through things in their own way. Then Zuko had noticed a picture of Lu Ten on his phone he must have been looking at. Uncle tried to hide it, but it was too late. It was obvious Uncle didn’t want to talk about it, so Zuko asked about Azula. Apparently, she had lied and said she was meeting Zuko and Sokka. </p><p>Zuko could put the pieces together. Azula had made some horrible comment about Lu Ten’s death. It wouldn’t be the first time, or probably the last. She could be such a heartless bitch. When Lu Ten passed away, Zuko was devasted at the loss of his cousin but Azula took it in stride. It was just like with Ursa. She treated other people’s loss and grief like weapons to wield. </p><p>“It’s kind of weird that she’s not back yet, don’t you think?” Sokka said. “Katara, Aang and Toph got back to our hotel room ages ago. Suki, Ty Lee and Mai were done investigating early.” </p><p>Ty Lee had texted the group chat an ‘all done’ text with a blushing smiley face a few hours ago.</p><p>“I guess,” Zuko shrugged. “She said she was doing her thing later.” </p><p>“Yeah,” Sokka said, frowning. “What exactly was her thing?” </p><p>“I don’t know, Sokka,” Zuko said. He started pacing again.</p><p>As he paced, he started thinking about the fact that Azula had been somewhat secretive about her part in the plan today.</p><p>He stopped pacing and sighed. “Do you think we should be worried? Uncle told me she said she was with us.” </p><p>Sokka bit his lip. “I know you don’t like that word, but… what if she’s doing something crazy?” </p><p>“You don’t know what it was like,” Zuko said defensively. “I spoke out of turn once and our Father taught me a permanent lesson on my face.” He gestured to his scar. He had washed off the makeup when they got back from the fight at behind the ‘Four-Leaf-Clover.’ </p><p>Sokka had been really understanding, but Zuko didn’t think he could ever understand the extent of the trauma living with Ozai had caused. It wasn’t just his scar, and it wasn’t just what had happened to Ursa. It was a lifetime of abuse – because that’s what it was. Zuko had never put it into words before but lately he’d been thinking it through. There was no easy path to unlearning the ways they’d been taught to live. Being friends with Sokka and his family helped, but that was only the beginning. There were things Zuko didn’t think he’d ever get used to. He wasn’t sure he would ever be able to accept kindness or love for what it was without first questioning it. The way Ozai had treated them had been abusive. It was hard to admit that’s what it had been, but it was the truth. </p><p>So no, he didn’t think Azula was crazy for reacting extremely to realizations about just how bad it had been. He was sure that, like him, she had never really realized how hard it was to live with Ozai. It’s not like they’d had anything to compare it to. Their only two friends, Ty Lee and Mai, didn’t exactly have it easy at home either. Maybe now that Azula was starting to recognize how evil Ozai was, things could be better for both of them. </p><p>“I know,” Sokka said. </p><p>“I don’t think I ever realized how awful our Father’s treatment was until I saw your family,” Zuko’s said. “The way he treated me, the way he treated both of us, he told us he was building character and we believed him. But that wasn’t it. It was cruel, and it was wrong.” He shook his head. “I just want to find my mom.” </p><p>Sokka jumped up and ran over, burying Zuko in a hug. It was the kind of gesture that would’ve shocked Zuko before he met Sokka. He would’ve stiffened, maybe even reacted violently. Now, it felt like just what he needed. He’d discovered a safe space with Sokka and he never wanted the hug to end. Of course, it had to eventually. </p><p>“Azula isn’t crazy,” Zuko said. “She just never had the chance to grieve our mom and our dad was horrible. I always thought it was easier for her because he liked her more, but I’m not sure I was right about that. I’m not sure there is any ‘easier’ or ‘harder’ in a situation like this. It’s just shitty all around.” </p><p>He got a text from Azula. ‘I got a flat tire can you bring me a spare? I’m just off exit 66.’ </p><p> </p><p>*           *          *          *          *</p><p> </p><p>“This is just my luck,” Azula said to the empty road, examining the flat and ignoring the kicking and banging from the trunk. </p><p>It actually wasn’t ‘just her luck.’ She was normally a very lucky person. She was used to everything going her way but lately everything seemed to be moving so fast and everything felt scary and out of control. She must have run over a nail or something. There was more banging from inside the trunk. </p><p>Of course, she had gotten a flat tire just outside of Ba Sing Se. It didn’t matter, really, as long as she had a way to get away after she forced Jet’s memories to come back. She had this situation under control. She would replace the flat tire with the spare, then drag Jet into the woods, and do whatever it took to bring him back and ask him where he had been taken to have his memories wiped. Jet would probably be angry about being kidnapped when he came back but given that he had once plotted to murder her entire family she didn’t think he would have the guts to go to the police. </p><p>She banged on the trunk with her fist. “Be quiet in there,” she said. “Stay still and shut up or I’ll fucking kill you.” </p><p>Silence followed. </p><p>The autumn air was cold and she hugged herself, her teeth chattering a little. She was pulled over off the edge of the exit. There was nothing but forest around. She just needed a spare tire and she would be fine. She would take Jet into the woods and make him remember who he was. </p><p>She was in total control. Right? She was winning. She was in control. She just needed Jet to remember who he was. </p><p>
  <em>“Don’t forget who you are in the process.”</em>
</p><p>God, she wished her mom would shut up. As long as Jet stayed quiet and Zuko brought her a spare everything would be fine. Zuko didn’t need to know about this part of the plan. He just needed to bring her a spare tire. </p><p>
  <em>“Maybe you want Zuko to stop you.”</em>
</p><p>“SHUT THE HELL UP, MOTHER.” </p><p>She looked around, afraid that Ursa was going to sneak out from behind a tree. She had the hair spray and lighter sitting on the passenger seat. She walked over and got them out, holding them at the ready in case she did see Ursa. She wasn’t going to be stopped. </p><p>She was in complete control. Right? </p><p>She caught a glimpse of her reflection in the car’s window, and for a second, she thought she saw her Father’s face. </p><p>She screamed and stumbled backwards, and when she looked again it was her in the reflection. “I’m in control,” she whispered. </p><p> </p><p>*           *          *          *          *</p><p> </p><p>Uncle had picked up Zuko’s car from the tire shop at last. So, Zuko was behind the wheel. Sokka didn’t seem totally comfortable with this. He kept grabbing the handle above the passenger seat. They were hurtling down the highway towards the exit Azula had texted Zuko, with two spare tires in the trunk. Uncle had given Zuko two spares – one for Azula for tonight, and one for him to keep for the future. </p><p>When he saw Azula, he was going to chew her out. She had crossed a line with whatever she’d said to Uncle, who had been nothing but selfless and kind to both of them. He didn’t know the specifics, but he knew Azula. Whatever comment she had made about Lu Ten had been cruel because she was a cruel person. </p><p>“Hey, can you slow down?” Sokka asked. </p><p>Zuko glanced at the speedometer and realized he was going about eighty. He did not slow down. A semi in the other lane was going a little slow, so he swerved in front of it and hit the gas even more. </p><p>“I know you’re anxious to get to your sister, but maybe consider that we’ll be more helpful if we’re alive?” Sokka said.</p><p>“Huh?” Zuko said. “Oh, this is how I always drive.” </p><p>Sokka gaped. Zuko turned to look at him. </p><p>“Please watch the road,” Sokka groaned. </p><p>“When I first met you, your blind friend was driving,” Zuko pointed out. </p><p>“That was different. We weren’t in the city. On a busy highway.” </p><p>Zuko shrugged, but slowed down to seventy-five. When they reached the exit, he took it. Sure enough, Azula was standing next to Iroh’s car.</p><p>Zuko got out, and glared at her. “You stole Uncle’s car? Was that really necessary?” </p><p>“Was you taking your own car necessary?” she countered. “You know there are people looking for us.” </p><p>Zuko sighed. “Whatever, here’s your spare tire.” He popped his trunk and grabbed the spare, bringing it over to her. </p><p>He was startled by a loud noise. Someone was kicking and banging from inside the trunk of Uncle’s car. Sokka had come over to join them and he was also staring at the trunk. </p><p>Zuko looked at Azula – really looked at her – for the first time since they’d pulled up. She was definitely not looking her sanest. She was also holding a cannister of hair spray in one hand and a lighter in the other. </p><p>Zuko stood in front of Sokka and pushed him backwards, backing away. “Azula, who’s in the trunk?” </p><p>“It doesn’t matter,” Azula said. </p><p>“Mmm, it might matter a little,” Sokka said. </p><p>Azula shot a glare in Sokka’s direction. Zuko pushed Sokka further backwards, continuing to back away. </p><p>“What did you do?” Zuko asked. </p><p>“Nothing!” </p><p>“Then open your trunk.” </p><p>“I had to do it, Zuko.” </p><p>“Who’s in there?” </p><p>“I didn’t have a choice.” She looked around, obviously searching for a sound neither Zuko or Sokka had heard. “I thought I told you to shut the hell up!” </p><p>Was she crying? Oh shit. Zuko’s heart was racing. He wasn’t sure what the hell he was supposed to do here. She was clearly upset and possibly hallucinating but there was also someone inside her trunk now banging furiously to get out and she was holding hairspray and lighter and Zuko knew just how bad burns hurt. </p><p>“Azula, just take a deep breath,” he said. </p><p>“How is that supposed to help me?” she screamed. Zuko continued to back away, pushing Sokka with him and making sure he was standing in front of Sokka. Azula was sobbing, but she was also now aiming the canister of hair spray at them and holding the lighter dangerously close to it. “I’ve taken deep breaths and I’ve asked her to stop and she won’t shut up.” </p><p>“It’s not real,” Zuko said. </p><p>“You think I don’t know that?” </p><p>The banging at the trunk wasn’t letting up. Azula kicked the car. “Be quiet!” she screamed. Zuko wasn’t sure if she was talking to the person in the trunk or someone he couldn’t hear. </p><p>“Who’s in the trunk?” he asked again. </p><p>She looked at him and he could tell she was scared but he was scared too. He had firsthand experience of how badly fire could hurt. He desperately didn’t want to go through that again and he didn’t want Sokka to go through it at all. </p><p>“It’s Jet,” she whispered. </p><p>“The teen anarchist?” Sokka interjected. </p><p>Azula nodded. “I thought I could bring back his memories.” </p><p>Zuko’s eyes fell on the canister of hair spray and the lighter. “…by torturing him?” </p><p>“I knew you wouldn’t understand.” </p><p>“Azula, you don’t have to do this. You’re my sister and I love you-”</p><p>“SHUT UP!” she lit the lighter and flames shot forward. </p><p>Zuko threw himself and Sokka backward, throwing himself on top of Sokka to block him from the flames. He rolled onto his back and felt a sharp pain. The flames had definitely grazed his back, but it could’ve been a lot worse. He looked over at Sokka, who’s eyes were wide with shock. He mouthed ‘are you ok?’ Sokka nodded a little. ‘are you?’ he mouthed back. Zuko nodded, then looked back at Azula. She was staring at them in shock. </p><p>“I’m sorry.” Azula dropped the canister and the lighter. “I’m so sorry.” </p><p>The canister of hair spray rolled away. Zuko jumped up and ran over. He tried to wrap his arms around her shoulders. </p><p>It was a mistake. He ended up on his back in an instant. He groaned and stood up, rubbing his back. </p><p>She was still crying, “I’m sorry,” she said again. He wasn’t sure if she was apologizing about kidnapping Jet or about throwing him on the ground, but he decided to try again. </p><p>He wrapped his arms around her and this time she hugged him back. </p><p>“I’m so sorry,” she said. </p><p>He couldn’t be sure, but it felt like she was talking about a lot more than the kidnapping or the homemade flamethrower.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0016"><h2>16. not so softcore kidnapping</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Ty Lee, Mai, and Suki wake up in a strange underground government lab. </p>
<p>Jet gets his memories back. </p>
<p>Iroh decides it's time to call social services.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>cw: needles, mentions of being drugged, mentions of child abuse &amp; neglect, violence, brief descriptions of blood &amp; injuries</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Ty Lee woke up laying on the ground in a strange place. She rubbed her head, trying to remember what had happened. As it came rushing back, she felt herself starting to panic. </p>
<p>She was in a sterile-looking room. There was a plastic couch and the floor was pure white tile. Across from her was a wall of clear glass or plastic. When she ran over and pressed her hands to it, she guessed glass. There was a hallway outside where a bald man with a mustache and goatee in a suit was chatting with a woman in scrubs. The woman in scrubs had on a belt with all sorts of medical equipment in various clear pouches – there was a stethoscope, a lot of pill bottles, and several vials with needles on the ends. Ty Lee felt chills run down her spine looking at the needles. </p>
<p>“HEY!” Ty Lee yelled, pounding on the glass. “Hey, where am I?” </p>
<p>The woman glanced over and gave her a sweet smile. Ty Lee remembered her from somewhere – where? She rubbed her head, trying to think. She had been going to search the Department of Records for information about teenage anarchist turned mild-mannered Ozai supporter Jet slash Jared. They had knocked out three workers, stolen their uniforms, and gone in. This woman had been at the front desk. </p>
<p>Except, she hadn’t. It had been a woman who looked just like her – straight hair, big smile, blank creepy eyes. Her features were different, though. She was a different woman, she just looked similar. When she turned and faced the glass though, Ty Lee saw a plastic nametag pinned to her scrubs reading ‘Joo Dee.’ That was the same name as the front desk lady at the Department of Records. What the hell? </p>
<p>Joo Dee walked over and pressed a button next to the glass and spoke into what appeared to be a small speaker. Her voice came out a little warbled and Ty Lee noticed it was coming from a speaker on her side of the glass. “You’re on vacation in Lake Laogai, Ty Lee. You’ll be back home before morning, don’t worry.” </p>
<p>“What?” Ty Lee was usually pretty good at hiding what she needed to hide. She tried to look wide-eyed and innocent. Inside though, she was panicking. “Lake who?” </p>
<p>“Lake Laogai. You’ll be vacationing here every twenty-four hours from now on. We just need to give you your medicine.” </p>
<p>Ty Lee’s heart was racing. Medicine? So that’s what they were doing. The government was drugging its own people in order to brainwash them. Through her panic, she could see how there was useful information in what Joo Dee was saying. If she had to come back every twenty-four hours for her "medicine" whatever they were doing wasn’t permanent. There was hope for Jet and whoever else had been taken here. There was hope for Ursa. She had to get that information to Zuko and Azula. </p>
<p>“Are you okay here, Joo Dee?” the bald goateed man asked. “You remember what you’ve been told to do?” </p>
<p>“I’ll be fine,” Joo Dee said. “This little girl just needs some guidance.” </p>
<p><em>Guidance my ass,</em> thought Ty Lee. She didn’t let her annoyance show, though. She tried to look nervous and dumb. </p>
<p>The man with a bald head and a mustache and goatee gave Ty Lee a downright evil look and disappeared down the hallway. Joo Dee smiled in what might have been meant as a comforting gesture. Ty Lee tried to look comforted. </p>
<p>Joo Dee pressed another button in the hall and the glass wall moved. “Come with me, dear,” Joo Dee said. </p>
<p>Ty Lee nodded and came out into the hallway. Joo Dee pulled one of the vials with a needle at the end from one of the pouches on her belt. Ty Lee eyed it warily. Joo Dee smiled at her again, wide and blank. </p>
<p>“Hold out your arm,” Joo Dee said. </p>
<p>Ty Lee held out her arm. Joo Dee started to aim the needle. Ty Lee kicked as high as she could and her toe slammed into Joo Dee’s chin, knocking her down. She stood over Joo Dee who was still smiling even as blood dripped down her chin, trying to think fast before anyone else showed up in the hallway. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>*           *          *          *          *</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Sokka ran to grab the canister of hairspray and the lighter while Zuko tried to calm Azula down. </p>
<p>He hurried to throw the canister and lighter in Zuko’s open trunk before jogging back over to them. The banging on the inside of Iroh's car's trunk wasn’t letting up. Azula was having a full-on meltdown. She just kept repeating how sorry she was. </p>
<p>“It’s okay,” Zuko tried to tell her. </p>
<p>Sokka was pretty sure things had never been further from okay. The back of Zuko’s sweater was burned and it looked like he was going to have some burns on his back. Jet was freaking the hell out in the trunk. Sokka hated this. </p>
<p>He was supposed to be in control. He was supposed to take care of the people around him. He’d taken care of his dad and helped bring his dad out of his depression when his mom died. He'd helped look out for Katara since the day she was born. He’d always made sure Aang and Toph were okay. </p>
<p>Taking care of people was his thing. Having a plan was his thing. But he didn’t know how to fix this and as far as plans went his mind was blank. </p>
<p>He tried to think about this rationally. Obviously, Azula wasn’t in her right mind when she decided to kidnap Jet. He also had to admit that part of her logic made sense – emphasis on PART – but still. They really should have thought about going to ‘Jared Smith’ right away. Trying to bring back his memories wasn’t a bad idea in and of itself. Calling Azula’s execution flawed would be generous, but the idea itself was smart. </p>
<p>He called Katara. It was clear he was waking her up. “Hey,” she muttered. “Whoa, who’s freaking out in the background?” </p>
<p>Sokka walked a little farther away without taking his eyes off Zuko and Azula. “It’s Zuko’s sister,” he muttered. “She’s uh…She’s not doing so hot. Listen, can you do me a favor?” </p>
<p> </p>
<p>*           *          *          *          *</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Ty Lee checked herself in the bathroom mirror. It was a typical public restroom, just extra sanitized. It reminded her a little of a hospital bathroom. She was wearing Joo Dee’s scrubs and belt with various pouches. She had let down her hair and wetted it in the sink than used the automatic dryer to dry it while running her hands through it. So, she had Joo Dee’s straight hair. She smiled at herself in the mirror. Definitely too friendly and not creepy enough, but it would have to work. </p>
<p>Joo Dee was wearing Ty Lee’s clothes, locked in the glass-enclosed space Ty Lee had been in when she woke up. It was only a matter of time ‘til someone realized. So, she needed to find Suki and Mai fast. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>*           *          *          *          *</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Katara took Sokka’s pickup to exit 66 just outside of Ba Sing Se with Smellerbee and Longshot in the middle and passenger seat. Sokka had warned her that there was a lot going on. She wasn’t sure he had prepared her enough, though. </p>
<p>He’d just said to call Smellerbee and Longshot on the cell number Smellerbee had given. They apparently shared an apartment. What was with so many kids living on their own in Ba Sing Se? </p>
<p>When she explained it was about Jet, they came along. </p>
<p>Pulling up, she wished Sokka had explained that ‘it’s about Jet’ had meant ‘Jet is in the trunk freaking the hell out because he's been kidnapped.' </p>
<p>“We kindaaa have a situation,” Sokka said. </p>
<p>Katara stared. A situation was an understatement. The trunk was banging like crazy. Azula was in total hysterics apologizing and crying and Zuko was trying to tell her to calm down but Katara was not sure he was doing as much good as he thought. He was clearly panicked himself and it was definitely coming across as he got more and more frantic. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>*           *          *          *          *</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Mai woke up on a white tile floor. She stood up and found a plastic couch behind her and a glass wall in front of her. When she stood, the first thing she noticed was that most of her knives were gone from her pockets and sleeves. A weight in her boot told her she still had one. She ran over to the glass and looked out. </p>
<p>A girl in scrubs walking down the hall noticed her and ran over. She pressed a button and the glass moved aside. Mai stared. </p>
<p>“Ty Lee?” </p>
<p>“SHH!” Ty Lee whispered, looking around. “Play along.” </p>
<p>Mai stared at her for a second in shock, then nodded. Years of friendship with Ty Lee had taught her that trusting Ty Lee was usually the right thing to do. She let Ty Lee take her elbow and guide her down the hall. Another woman in scrubs came from the other direction. She had straight hair and a wide smile. </p>
<p>“Hi Joo Dee,” the other woman said. </p>
<p>Ty Lee smiled back. “Hi Joo Dee,” she said. </p>
<p>They nodded at each other and then the other woman walked past. Mai noticed the other woman reach into a clear plastic pouch hanging from her belt. Ty Lee had turned around and didn't see. Joo Dee was reaching for a needle. Without hesitation, Mai reached into her boot and pulled out her one remaining knife. She threw it with perfect accuracy at the woman’s arm but Ty Lee twirled around and used a well-aimed kick to knock the knife off balance so it only grazed Joo Dee. Then she hit her pressure point, knocking her to the ground, grabbed Mai’s hand, and ran. </p>
<p>“Why did you do that?” Mai asked. </p>
<p>“I think they’re brainwashed,” Ty Lee said. “It’s not her fault. Come on, let’s just find Suki and go.” </p>
<p>“Wait,” Mai said. She ran back and grabbed Joo Dee by the wrist. </p>
<p>There was an open door leading to a dark room. She dragged Joo Dee in there while Ty Lee followed, shutting the door behind them and turning on the light. Mai noticed a lock on the door and clicked it. They appeared to be in some kind of meeting room. There was a table with folding chairs all around it and a white projection screen hanging on one wall.</p>
<p>“Keep her paralyzed for now,” Mai said. “I’m putting on the scrubs.” </p>
<p>Ty Lee nodded. “Good idea.” </p>
<p> </p>
<p>*           *          *          *          *</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Suki punched with her left hand and kicked with her right leg as two people tried to drag her along. She had woken up being dragged along with a bag over her head. Once her kidnappers were off her, she ripped the bag off her head. </p>
<p>They had been trying to force her into a sterile-looking room with a plastic couch towards the back. </p>
<p>She punched both her kidnappers down for good measure. They were both women in scrubs with name tags reading ‘Joo Dee’ and belts with plastic pouches filled with medical equipment. Suki was alarmed to see that even as they looked at her with bruised faces, they were grinning and trying to get up. She had a brief flashback to every zombie video game she had ever played. Except this was worse because the Joo Dees wouldn't stop smiling. </p>
<p>She kicked them both once more before taking off at full speed down the hall. </p>
<p>She ran into two more women in scrubs. She immediately started attacking again and found herself limp and on the ground looking up at Ty Lee. </p>
<p>“Sorry!” Ty Lee said. “It’s us.” </p>
<p>Suki managed to move her neck enough to look over and see that the other girl was Mai. “Thank God,” she muttered. </p>
<p>“Nah,” Mai said with a bored smile, reaching down to help her up. “Thank us.” </p>
<p> </p>
<p>*           *          *          *          *</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Jet – or rather “Jared” – was standing far away from the others, shaking. </p>
<p>Smellerbee and Longshot were trying to talk him down and explain that he was not Jared Smith but their old friend, Jet. </p>
<p>Predictably, in Katara’s opinion, it was not going great. Jared slash Jet kept yelling that he didn’t know who these people were or what was happening. Katara wanted to ask Sokka and Zuko what the hell was going on, but she didn’t think she was going to get a word in around Azula who couldn’t stop repeating apologies. She thought she could piece together what had happened and it didn’t look very good. </p>
<p>“No, listen,” Zuko said. “It’ll be fine. These guys kidnapped me and we’re good now, right?” he looked at Katara and Sokka who exchanged a concerned look. </p>
<p>“Yeah,” Sokka said. “Totally. But buddy I’m not sure this is the same…”</p>
<p>“It’s not the same,” Azula said, for the first time managing something coherent other than an apology. “I fucked up.” </p>
<p>“Yeah,” Katara said, glaring. “You did.” </p>
<p>She knew Zuko wanted to look out for his sister and that Sokka’s instinct was always to help, but this had gotten out of hand. </p>
<p>“I know,” Azula said. For some reason, Katara’s anger seemed to be calming her down. </p>
<p>Zuko, however, was glaring at Katara. “Now isn’t the moment,” he said. </p>
<p>She glared right back. “I think it is,” she said. She had a bad feeling that she was going to have to provide some much-needed perspective to this situation. </p>
<p>“No, she’s right, Zuko,” Azula said. She had finally stopped sobbing. “I’m out of control and I need help. I can’t keep denying it.” </p>
<p>“You’re not out of control!” Zuko argued. “You’ll be fine. This is just a softcore kidnapping for a good cause.” </p>
<p>“Well…” Sokka said. </p>
<p>At the same time, Katara said. “Zuko, she’s right. She needs help.” She looked at Azula. "You're doing the right thing by admitting it." </p>
<p>“I’m not letting my little sister get locked up in some institution!” Zuko said. “It’s not an option.” </p>
<p>“Zuko…” Azula said. “I don't like it, but I'm willing to go if that’s what has to happen.” She looked over at Jet, who was still arguing with Smellerbee and Longshot. "I can't be this person." </p>
<p>Zuko was about to argue but just then, Jared - or Jet or whatever his real name was – fell to the ground and they all looked over. He stared at them with wide eyes. Then he touched his mouth as if looking for something missing. Longshot reached in his pocket and handed something to him.</p>
<p> A minute later, Jet was standing up and he had a piece of wheat between his teeth. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>*           *          *          *          *</p>
<p>
  <em>Three Days Later</em>
</p>
<p>*           *          *          *          *</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Ty Lee, Suki, and Mai updated the rest of ‘Team Teen Vigilantes’ about their findings during their mission turned kidnapping shortly after their escape. Jet was pissed and scared but back on his anarchy kick and not going to the police. Sokka, Katara, Aang, Toph, and Suki were back home in Hira'a. </p>
<p>Iroh called social services on his brother. He admitted to Azula and Zuko that he had been putting it off because he was afraid of the extent of Ozai’s power but he acknowledged that he had waited too long. Luckily, it seemed Ozai’s reach did not extend to social services. He probably didn’t consider having too much influence on such an organization worth his time. The social worker had immediately decided both Azula and Zuko needed immediate mental health help. </p>
<p>Azula hated therapy.</p>
<p>The therapist just wanted to talk about her fEeLiNgS and her anger at her parents and her lOvE for her brother. Even worse, she wanted to talk about the Ursa hallucinations and Azula didn’t know how to talk about that. Therapy was disgusting and boring and gross and she hated it. But she was determined to win at it because she was a winner. </p>
<p>Alright, also maybe she wanted to do well because the social worker Iroh called wasn’t forcing her into an institution. It helped that Zuko and his friends agreed not to tell anyone about the less than softcore kidnapping. Azula could tell Katara wanted to but there wasn’t much she could say when Jet admitted that in Azula's shoes, he would have done the exact same thing. Katara pointed out that this did not make it a good decision and Azula actually agreed, but still, she didn’t want to be in an institution either. </p>
<p>Now that his memories were back, Jet was their tentative ally. Smellerbee, Longshot, and Jet had decided to leave Ba Sing Se and stay in an abandoned house in Hira’a, for now, to avoid getting kidnapped and brainwashed again. </p>
<p>The plan to take down Ozai and find Ursa was still on. </p>
<p>Ty Lee, Mai, and Suki had discovered a lot of useful information during their kidnapping. They knew where people were being taken and that some sort of drug that lasted twenty-four hours was being used to wipe people’s memory and get them to return for their “vacation” the next day. Suki was back home too now. Ty Lee was staying at Mai’s place and they were taking turns sleeping. Mai’s parents were too busy to care – as long as Mai wasn’t causing a scene or embarrassing them, she could get away with almost anything. Ty Lee’s parents were too distracted with Ty Lee's sisters to care where she stayed. So, Azula was sure they were safe with each other. Even an evil government conspiracy was no match for Ty Lee and Mai together. </p>
<p>Azula’s therapist was not a fan of her “win or die” approach and had some bullshit response about how you “can’t win” at therapy. Ha! Azula knew she was going to do better than any of her therapist’s other clients. She would figure out a way to win whether her therapist liked it or not. </p>
<p>So, she was listening to the therapist’s advice as part of her strategy to do well at this. When she cautiously brought up her worst fear – and her real reason for agreeing to do this aside from the fact that she was terrified of what she would do if she didn’t – her therapist had told her that her worst fear was the same as many other people’s worst fears. She was afraid of becoming her Father who was apparently "abusive." </p>
<p>She didn’t like being told she was the same as most people. She wasn’t. She was better than most people. Apparently that was one of her problems though? The therapist thought she had a “conflated sense of self mixed with self-hatred” which was total bullshit because her sense of self was exactly correct for someone of her caliber and she didn’t hate herself, she loved herself. She was literally the best person alive. She just needed to figure out how to not be an evil abusive monster who everyone would be better off without and she’d be fine. </p>
<p>Her therapist’s advice about not being a horrible person involved showing people she cared about them. Except she didn’t know how to do that. What the hell did people who cared about each other do? </p>
<p>When Father was pleased with her, he usually bought her something or gave her money. Well, she was swimming in cash having drained her bank accounts. So, after her therapy session she went to the mall. </p>
<p>True, she didn’t want to turn into her Father so showing affection the same way as he did felt a little wrong, but she had to start somewhere and she had to admit she didn’t have a lot of references. </p>
<p>When Iroh had called social services, he had explained that Zuko – who was almost eighteen anyway – had physical burns to show the extent of Ozai’s abuse and that Azula had been experiencing untreated mental health problems including hallucinations. They had both had to talk to the social worker who agreed to give Iroh temporary custody. So, she was safe to take her Cadillac and go to the mall now that Ozai had no legal claim on her. She was still nervous that he'd send someone after her, but the mall was pretty public. Would Ozai be bold enough to have people throw a bag over her head in the middle of a crowded mall? He was definitely evil enough, but it wasn't his M.O to be so bold and reckless. Otherwise, he wouldn't have this secret organization that needed taking down. </p>
<p>She considered inviting Ty Lee and Mai but decided against it. Lately interacting with people felt exhausting and there was the added fact that now that she was allowing – even encouraging – herself to feel guilty, she felt guilty about everything. Seeing them only reminded her of what she’d asked them to do and what the consequences had been. It was her fault they had been kidnapped, taken to a government lab, and almost drugged. She would do something nice for them too, but this whole "bEiNg a GoOd PeRsOn" thing was going to have to come one step at a time. </p>
<p>The mall was packed. Azula knew Zuko was feeling down about his friends and his boyfriend having to go back home. She would get him something to make him feel better. That was a nice thing to do and it involved spending money as opposed to talking to him about how sorry she was for what she had done to him. Just thinking about it made her throat feel tight and her hands start shaking. </p>
<p>He said he loved her. That’s what did it. At that moment, she had been so angry and scared and determined that no one could ever feel that way about her and furious because her mom’s voice kept talking about loving her. So she’d shot flames at him – at the one person who had always been kind to her even if she didn’t deserve it. And she knew he had been burned before. She knew he would be more afraid of fire than anything else and she did it anyway. She was horrible and deserved to die and – no. The therapist said not to think like that. Instead, find a way to show you care. </p>
<p>She would buy Zuko something really nice and expensive and that would make up for it. She thought about what Zuko would really want. It had to be something good so that he would forget that he should hate her. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>*           *          *          *          *</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Zuko was sitting on Iroh’s couch, minding his own business, sad that his friends were back home. When they left, Zuko had been overwhelmed by being hugged by Hakoda and Bato and Sokka, Katara, Toph, Aang, and Suki– more hugs than he was used to by A LOT. It had been intense and way more physical touching than he was used to which was good but also kind of exhausting. Now that they were gone though he just wanted to hug them all again. So, he’d been sitting on the couch thinking about that. </p>
<p>Then Azula returned from her therapy appointment and threw an envelope in his lap. His own therapy appointment was set for later in the evening and he was nervous having never been to therapy before. He stared at the envelope than looked up at Azula. She was watching him, tapping her foot. </p>
<p>“How was therapy?” </p>
<p>“Fine. Open your present.” </p>
<p>Inside the envelope was a piece of paper with “sorry I attacked you with a flame thrower ☹ this is for you and your boyfriend” written on it, a gift card to a flower shop, and two tickets to Ba Sing Se’s Dine-in movie theatre to see the movie ‘Palm Springs.’</p>
<p>Zuko stared at the two tickets in front of him. His face felt like it was on fire. He supposed one therapy session wasn’t enough to fix someone but still. This was just cruel.</p>
<p>“What is this?” he asked. </p>
<p>She stared at him, annoyed. “My therapist said if I want to not be a shitty person, I should show the people I love that I care. So, this is me. Showing I care.”</p>
<p>He was furious. “By making fun of me? You know, you say you want to change but this is mean, you know that? Sokka and Katara and Aang and Toph and their dads have been nothing but nice and I'm sorry if I actually formed some connections. Just because-"</p>
<p>“What the hell are you talking about?” she looked at him blankly. “I’m not making fun of you. I thought this would be a fun thing for you and Sokka to do when he comes back in a couple of days. I know I said all that matters is taking down Ozai, but you two deserve to do something fun as well. I realize now that I may have been a tiny bit extreme. I admit I was jealous at first that you got a boyfriend before me, but I acknowledge that you deserve to be happy.” </p>
<p>Zuko stared at her, searching for a hint of sarcasm or mockery. She looked genuinely surprised that he wasn’t thankful. He felt the color in his cheeks rise even more. </p>
<p>“Oh.” </p>
<p>“Yeah,” she said. “So, you’re welcome.” She shook her head and sat down, turning on the TV. </p>
<p>“Thank you,” Zuko said in a small voice, shrinking into the couch. He hesitated. “You know Sokka and I are just friends, right?” </p>
<p>The TV turned off again. Azula looked at him with raised eyebrows. “Ha ha,” she said in a bland voice. “I know romance and socializing aren’t exactly my strong suit, but you don’t have to rub it in. I’m trying to show that I’m happy for you but you aren’t making it easy. Sokka seems very nice. Truly. Now, stop being a dick." </p>
<p>Azula turned her attention back to the TV. Zuko stared blankly ahead. He noticed she had turned on She Ra even though she thought it was a stupid show. He was normally swept up in the romance of Catra and Adora whenever he watched but right now he had other things on his mind and his thoughts were swept up in a different - but probably also fictional - romance. He was having a hard time focusing on the show. So, Azula had genuinely believed he was dating Sokka this whole time. That was interesting. </p>
<p>Very interesting. He stared at the tickets. They must have been expensive and they had done a lot of work towards the mission to take down Father and find Mother. Maybe it would be nice to do something fun with a…friend…</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>a/n: I REALLY appreciate all the support this fic is getting!!!🥰you guys are amazing 💗 </p>
<p>also! so yes - this chapter went a lot of directions, I know. I considered moving the "three days later" bit to the next chapter for pacing purposes, but I decided against it because I think if I was a reader I'd be ready for a bit of fluff after all the drama &amp; a hint about some of the happier things coming up</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0017"><h2>17. flowers</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Zuko asks Sokka to go to a dine-in movie theater with him. </p>
<p>June makes progress in her search for Ursa.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>cw: mentions of domestic abuse, mentions of being drugged, mentions of needles</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Sokka was very excited to see Zuko again. Sure, they had been in almost constant Snapchat and text communication since he’d come back home, but he was ready to SEE him. Yes, they Facetimed every night and it had only been four days but STILL. It was just him going this time and he was kinda weirdly nervous about it. </p>
<p>So far, he and Katara had low key kidnapped Zuko and Zuko had stayed with them for a bit. Then all the drama with Zuko’s little sister losing it happened and then ‘Team Teen Vigilantes’ was formed and they discovered that there was a secret government lab under Lake Laogai drugging people and making them forget who they were. Then they all went home. </p>
<p>To Sokka’s great delight, ‘Team Teen Vigilantes’ had a group chat that they were all pretty active in. Sokka had, of course been responsible for naming the chat, but the team name was taking off. It was mostly Sokka sending cursed images, Zuko apologizing for being bad at texting, Aang and Katara sending information about current events that they should be focusing on, Suki and Ty Lee flirting, and Azula and Mai both angry reacting almost everything. Toph had a voice to text app on her phone and she would occasionally take the time to say whole paragraphs dragging the others. This meant Sokka, Aang and Katara were subjected to hearing the roasts said out loud in their own living room and then reading them. </p>
<p>Now though, he was just going on a social call. Zuko had apparently obtained two tickets to a Dine-In movie theater to see the movie ‘Palm Springs’ and he’d invited Sokka. </p>
<p>WHY? </p>
<p>Had Sokka mentioned having a massive crush on Andy Samberg at some point? Had Zuko just assumed that a hilarious rom-com was right up Sokka’s alley? Was it because he and Sokka had discovered they had similar taste in media? </p>
<p>“It’s because he likes you, dumbass,” Toph said when Sokka was done wondering out loud for about twenty minutes as to why Zuko had invited him specifically and no other member of ‘Team Teen Vigilantes.’ </p>
<p>Sokka, Toph, and Suki were sitting on the porch throwing around a ball for Momo to chase. Aang was sitting about twenty feet away in the yard brushing Appa, and Katara was laying on a blanket in the grass reading a novel. It was late morning and unseasonably warm – in the high fifties – for November. Sokka was baffled. </p>
<p>“Well duh,” he said. “I’m a likable guy.” </p>
<p>“Then why are you so confused?” Aang asked. </p>
<p>“I mean, I’m pretty sure he likes all of us,” Sokka said. “Plus Ty Lee and Mai and Azula are right there. I just don’t understand why he only invited me.” </p>
<p>“I mean…do you not wanna go?” Katara asked, looking up from her book. </p>
<p>“Of course I wanna go, Katara. It’s Zuko! It’s Andy Samberg in a romantic comedy! It’s a dine-in movie theater. Why would I not want to go?” </p>
<p>Katara shrugged, going back to her book. “It just seems like it since you’re deliberating over this so much.” </p>
<p>“I might see if Ty Lee wants to check out that dine-in movie place sometime,” Suki mused. “Dinner and a movie made into one is so romantic.” </p>
<p>“ROMANTIC?” Sokka asked. Everyone was looking at him. </p>
<p>“Well, yeah,” Suki said. “I really like Ty Lee, you guys. She’s something else. I’ve never met a girl like her.” </p>
<p>“Can we go back to how you just called this place romantic?” Sokka pressed. </p>
<p>“She’s cute and when I’m with her I get butterflies, but I still feel like I can be myself, you know?" Suki went on. "And she’s crazy badass. I mean, she helped break me out of a government lab. That’s pretty cool.” </p>
<p>Zuko was cute and when Sokka was with him he got butterflies but he also felt like he could talk to Zuko about anything. Also, Zuko had fought off anarchist attackers with double machetes which was pretty badass and cool. Did that mean...?</p>
<p>“You really think a dine-in movie theater is romantic?” </p>
<p>All his friends were looking at each other. Toph was giggling. Sokka glared around at all of them. </p>
<p>“Someone wanna let me in on the joke?” </p>
<p>They all just shook their heads. </p>
<p>So of course Sokka was thinking about THAT on the way to Ba Sing Se. </p>
<p>When he got to the Jasmine Dragon, Zuko was waiting and he was dressed weirdly nice in a button-up shirt with a lot of product in his hair. Sokka felt immediately underdressed in his jeans and T-shirt. Iroh and Azula came down to say hello too and Sokka suggested that they order some tea before the movie since they had time. Iroh gave Sokka a huge hug and Azula was weirdly formal. She asked him in a way that was way too faux casual if Katara had come along and when Sokka explained that she hadn’t Azula seemed kind of disappointed. Eventually, Iroh and Azula went upstairs. </p>
<p>Sokka and Zuko were alone at their table, sitting across from each other. </p>
<p>"What's with your sister?" Sokka asked. </p>
<p>"I think she wants to be friends with your sister," Zuko said. "I told her to just text her but she told me no one ever just texts someone without a reason." </p>
<p>Sokka shrugged. "Well, I'm glad you decided to invite me today. I'm excited." </p>
<p>"Me too," Zuko agreed. "I think we deserve a bit of fun. I mean, I didn't before but my therapist said I need to start allowing myself to enjoy life. Whatever that means." </p>
<p>"I'm glad your uncle was able to get you into therapy," Sokka said. He quickly realized how bad that might sound. "I mean, just because you've been through a lot lately and just in general." </p>
<p>Luckily, Zuko didn't seem to have taken it the wrong way. "I'm glad too. It's nice to have someone objective who listens." </p>
<p>The waitress came over and set two cups of tea in front of them. </p>
<p>“Your hair looks nice,” Sokka offered after thanking the waitress. </p>
<p>“My Uncle insisted on spending forever on it,” Zuko explained, looking embarrassed. For some reason, Zuko was blushing like crazy and it was adorable but Sokka was also incredibly curious. “I have something for you,” Zuko muttered although it sounded like someone was holding a gun to his head and making him say it. </p>
<p>“Okay,” Sokka said brightly, taking a sip of his tea. </p>
<p>“I’ll be right back,” Zuko said. </p>
<p>When he returned, he was holding a bouquet of flowers in front of his face. Pink, red and white camellias, clematis’, and white roses were tied together with a blue ribbon. Zuko sat down and handed the flowers to Sokka. </p>
<p>“Thank you!” Sokka said but now he could feel his face growing warm too. </p>
<p>Flowers? Was this…was this a date then? Like an actual date? With flowers? Sokka was screaming internally while trying to look chill. He didn’t know what to say. But this was Zuko – the person he had been sending stupid memes to at 3 am for days. He tried to remember that but everything was different now and his nerves were back. </p>
<p>“Should we take these up to your uncle’s and put them in a vase of water?” </p>
<p>“I hadn’t thought about that,” Zuko said. “Sure.” </p>
<p>They took the flowers upstairs and Iroh found a nice vase for them. They said goodbye to Iroh and Azula and headed out for the movie. Sokka kept thinking about the flowers and how they would look in a vase in his room. No one had ever gotten him flowers before. There was something so thoughtful and very, very sweet about it.  </p>
<p>The dine-in movie was fun. There were two chairs connected and a table attached to them and menus and when Sokka ordered a bottle of champagne the waiter didn’t ask for an ID and they ordered expensive fancy meals. Sokka had some money saved up from working odd jobs and he figured he deserved a chance to do something fun with his cash. After the movie though, Zuko insisted on paying. He even got a little snappy when Sokka kept offering, so Sokka dropped it. </p>
<p>It was late afternoon by the time they were walking through downtown Ba Sing Se. It was still pretty warm for autumn but chilly enough that Sokka walked close to Zuko for warmth, pressing their sides together and linking their arms as they walked. </p>
<p>They sat down near a fountain and Sokka noticed a street vendor selling hot chocolate. He was still a little tipsy from the champagne and he ran over and spent the cash he’d brought along on two cups of cocoa, giving the vendor a huge tip. Then he walked over and sat on the bench by the fountain, handing one of the cups to Zuko. </p>
<p>He and Zuko were friends, right? Bros being bros? He cared about Zuko deeply. In the short time that he had known him, Zuko had started to feel like family. Except it wasn’t quite like that. It was different but in a good way. He had already acknowledged that he found Zuko super hot. That was just a given. But today felt like it wasn’t supposed to be two friends hanging out. Zuko had invited Sokka SPECIFICALLY the way Suki wanted to invite Ty Lee to the movies SPECIFICALLY and Sokka’s heart was racing as they sat on the park bench and people watched and drank hot chocolate. </p>
<p>“Thanks,” Zuko said, taking a sip of the cocoa. </p>
<p>“Yeah,” Sokka said. “I’m really, really glad you invited me today. It’s nice to do something just the two of us.” </p>
<p>Zuko was back to looking totally panicked. Was Sokka misreading this? Or was Zuko just as nervous as him? </p>
<p>Sokka reached over and grabbed Zuko’s hand. Zuko gave him a look that was surprised but pleased and suddenly the day didn’t feel chilly at all. </p>
<p>“I’ve never gone out with anyone,” Zuko blurted out in a rushed voice. </p>
<p>Sokka looked over at him. “Oh,” he said. He was trying to think of what to say. Was Zuko telling him this because he considered this ‘going out?’ Was he just making conversation? </p>
<p>“Or kissed anyone,” Zuko went on. </p>
<p>“Well, that’s okay,” Sokka said. He squeezed Zuko’s hand. Zuko was looking at him like he was waiting for something but Sokka wasn’t sure what. </p>
<p>“Have you?” Zuko asked. </p>
<p>“Oh. Uh, yeah. I mean, Suki and I went out for like two seconds freshman year of high school before we realized we’re way better as friends. All we did was kiss a few times though.” </p>
<p>“Oh," Zuko said. He thought about that for a second. "But I thought Suki was dating Ty Lee?” </p>
<p>“She is.” </p>
<p>“But Ty Lee is a girl.” </p>
<p>Sokka laughed. “Yeah, I think she’s bi. I am too, I think. I don’t know, it’s not a big thing. Suki and I have talked about it a few times.” </p>
<p>“Oh, okay,” Zuko said. </p>
<p>They sat there for a few more minutes, sipping hot cocoa and holding hands and it was nice and Sokka felt like he could spend the rest of his life sitting with Zuko and talking about anything even if parts of it were awkward or scary. He felt like he could do anything right now. He was studying Zuko’s face. </p>
<p>“What?” Zuko asked, looking at him with a small smile. </p>
<p>“Just thinking,” Sokka said. </p>
<p>“About?” </p>
<p>“About how glad I am you got that flat tire.” </p>
<p>“Me too.” </p>
<p> </p>
<p>*           *          *          *          *</p>
<p>Noriko – no, her name was Ursa – was rocking Kiyi on her knee and staring at June in shock. </p>
<p>It had been an insane twenty-four hours. She and Noren – except no, that wasn’t right, his name was Ikem – had been having an ordinary evening. They had been watching TV, playing with Kiyi and eating pizza. Then a beautiful woman with a gun broke into the house and told them to sit down and shut up until their memories returned. </p>
<p>The tears fueled by terror for herself and her family were still streaming down Ursa’s face, but they were mixed with new tears now – tears of loss and fear and worry for her other family. She remembered June now. June was a friend of the family. She was a friend of a family Ursa hadn’t thought of in years. A family she hadn’t been able to think of in years.</p>
<p>Images of a government lab, a drug-filled needle, and a woman with a horrifying smile flashed through Ursa’s mind. </p>
<p>“I know it’s a lot to take in,” June said. “But your kiddos went through a lot to find out what was happening in this city. I’m sorry I had to break into your house, Ursa. I can see you’ve built a good life for yourself. Better than what you had with Ozai.” </p>
<p>Ursa gaped. Her head was spinning. Her kids? Zuko and Azula must be so big by now. Her heart ached thinking of all that she must have missed out on. It had been around what – eight years? Zuko would be almost eighteen – almost an adult! She could only picture the little ten-year-old that liked to sit in the garden braiding flower crowns. Azula would be sixteen. A dark cloud of fear passed through Ursa’s heart. She’d had trouble connecting with her daughter at eight. What would she be like as a teenager? </p>
<p>“Mommy, what’s going on?” Kiyi asked. She twisted on Ursa’s lap to face her. Ursa was at a loss for words. What could she say to her little four-year-old daughter? </p>
<p>She looked at Noren -Ikem, his real name was Ikem – and he looked just as lost. </p>
<p>“I can’t believe they’ve been drugging us,” Ikem whispered. “All these years…Why hasn’t anyone put a stop to it?” </p>
<p>June laughed. Ursa felt a flash of anger. “This isn’t funny!” she said. “Our entire lives have been lies for years.” </p>
<p>“You just look exactly like your daughter when you’re angry,” June said. “She doesn’t like me laughing without explanation either.” </p>
<p>Ursa felt a wave of emotion. June had seen Azula? She thought there was a resemblance between them? </p>
<p>“So, explain,” Ursa said. </p>
<p>“It’s just that someone is trying to put a stop to it,” June explained. “A group of teenagers led by your kids, Ursa. They’re the ones who told me the drug wore off after twenty-four hours. I’ve been keeping an eye on you for a while. I am the one who helped you create a fake identity after all. Finding you wasn’t hard. I just didn’t want to tell your kids I had found you, but you had no memory of them. I know, I know, I’m usually a heartless bitch but that just seemed like…too much, even for me.”</p>
<p>Ursa stared at Ikem. He had been her high school sweetheart. He was the first real love of her life. She supposed some part of her must-have remembered that much when she fell in love with him as “Noren.” She was still grappling with her confused identities. Noriko and Noren had fallen in love and had a baby. Until tonight, their life was normal. </p>
<p>Except that apparently that normalcy had all been an illusion and they had been drugged every twenty-four hours for years. </p>
<p>“Mommy!” Kiyi tugged at Ursa’s hair. </p>
<p>“Mommy’s okay,” Ursa whispered. “It’s okay, baby. It just turns out you have some siblings. A big brother and a big sister.” </p>
<p>“Really?” Kiyi asked, staring at Ursa with huge, excited eyes that melted Ursa’s heart. </p>
<p>Ursa looked at June. “Can I…can I see them? Zuko and Azula?”  </p>
<p>June raised an eyebrow. “They are paying me five thousand dollars to find you, so I have to assume they want to see you.” </p>
<p>There was a long pause. Ursa tried to take that in. Her kids had paid June five thousand dollars to find her. And she’d been gone from their lives for years. Oh god...she had left them with Ozai. Waves of guilt and horror at what they might have been through were tearing her apart from the inside out. More and more memories were breaking through. Digging herself out of a hole in the garden, running to the police, and being met with Joo Dee's eerie smile. </p>
<p>Kiyi broke the silence. “YAY!” </p>
<p>Ursa let out a shaky laugh. “You excited baby?” she asked Kiyi. </p>
<p>“I have a big brother and a big sister!” Kiyi announced, grinning from ear to ear.</p>
<p>Despite her emotional turmoil, Ursa smiled a little back. “Yeah baby,” she whispered. “We’re gonna meet them very soon.”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>a/n: As always, thank you thank you thank you for the support, it means the world 💞 </p>
<p>Also here is a website with the meanings behind types of flowers that I think is really neat: </p>
<p>https://www.almanac.com/content/flower-meanings-language-flowers</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0018"><h2>18. baking cookies</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Azula calls Katara to ask for advice. </p><p>Zuko gets an invitation. </p><p>Jet grapples with his anger about having his memories wiped.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>cw: mentions of being drugged</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Katara woke up to her phone buzzing at three in the morning. She tried to ignore it and burrow deeper into her blankets but as soon as the buzzing stopped it started again. She sighed and reached over to her nightstand, still half-asleep, feeling around for her phone. When she grabbed it and checked who was calling she was shocked. Why the hell was Zuko’s little sister calling her on Facetime at three AM? </p><p>She swiped across to answer without sitting up. “Hello?” she mumbled. Her eyelids felt heavy. </p><p>“Hi!” Azula’s voice was very high energy for this hour. </p><p>Katara blinked some of the sleep from her eyes and saw that in the Facetime video, Azula’s bangs had been cut – and not well. </p><p>“You cut your hair,” Katara said. </p><p>“Yes,” Azula said. She appeared to be sitting on the sofa in Iroh’s living room wrapped in a blanket. “I know, it looks awful. That’s not why I’m calling.” </p><p>“It’s not that bad,” Katara lied. “It’s kind of a Harley Quinn in ‘Birds of Prey’ look.” </p><p>“Who? What?” </p><p>Katara yawned. “You know. The DC movie.” </p><p>“I don’t follow pop culture aside from a few horror series and true crime shows." </p><p>“Okay…” Katara was having trouble following this bizarre conversation. Her eyes kept wanting to close again. </p><p>“Don’t fall asleep, I need to talk to you.” </p><p>Katara yawned and forced her eyes back open. “Sorry,” she mumbled. “I’m here. I’m awake.” </p><p>There was a pause. “I just googled Harley Quinn in ‘Birds of Prey.’ You think I look like a white clown girl?” </p><p>Katara sighed. “If I had told literally anyone else they look like Margot Robbie it would’ve been clear it was meant as a compliment,” she said. “Also how are you a criminal psych major with mental health issues who doesn’t know who Harley Quinn is?” </p><p>“My therapist told me everyone has mental health issues,” Azula snapped. “So you don’t have to say it like that.” </p><p>“I wasn’t trying to say it like anything,” Katara groaned, burying her face in her pillow. “Do you know what time it is? What is going on?” </p><p>“I was hoping you would come along with Sokka earlier today.” </p><p>“Why would I come along with Sokka for his date?” Katara asked. </p><p>“Because, like I said I need to talk to you.” </p><p>“Well, I didn’t know that!” Katara said. “How would I have possibly known that?” </p><p>Azula sighed. “It doesn’t matter. So you think the bangs look good? Is that what you’re saying? I think Iroh’s going to be pissed. There’s hair all over his sofa now.” </p><p>“I’m sure he’ll get over it,” Katara said. “Is this why you wanted to talk?” </p><p>“Oh. No.” </p><p>There was a long pause. Katara yawned again and propped herself up on her pillows. “So what’s up?” </p><p>“I need you to yell at me.” </p><p>“What? Why?” </p><p>“I did something bad.” </p><p>Katara felt her heart rate accelerate. Sokka had come back in good spirits. The ‘Team Teen Vigilantes’ group chat had been active. Everyone was okay. She was wide awake now, though. </p><p>“What did you do?” </p><p>“This morning June called me.” </p><p>“Who?” </p><p>“The person I hired to find Zuko and I’s mother.” </p><p>“Oh. What did she say?” </p><p>“She found her.” </p><p>“Well, that’s great news!” Katara said. She was struggling to think why this would be bad. She was surprised that Zuko hadn’t said anything. She and Zuko talked about their moms a lot and she figured she would be one of the first people he told when Ursa was finally found. Then she figured out what the bad thing Azula had done was. “You haven’t told Zuko, have you?” </p><p>“I can’t do it, Katara. I am freaking out. There, I admitted it. If I tell Zuko, he’s going to want to see her. And June says she wants to see both of us. Not just Zuko but me as well. I can’t do that. I can’t-”</p><p>“Hey, slow down,” Katara said since Azula’s voice was getting increasingly frantic. “Have you told anyone else?” </p><p>Azula shook her head. “I haven’t been able to. But you have no problem yelling at me and you’re kind of scary when you’re mad. So, go ahead. Yell at me. Tell me I need to tell Zuko.” </p><p>Azula thought Katara was kind of scary? Well, that was new information. Katara couldn’t help but feel a little pleased with herself. But she tried to make sure her voice was kind when she spoke because it was obvious Azula didn’t actually need to be yelled at right now. </p><p>“Look, you do need to tell Zuko. I’m not going to yell at you though.” </p><p>“Why not? Wasn’t your mother murdered when you were a child or something? Shouldn’t you be calling me a privileged piece of shit for not wanting to see my mom right now?” </p><p>Okay, harsh way to bring up the most traumatic thing Katara had ever been through but the girl was obviously going through something. Katara sighed. Yeah, this was not the conversation she wanted to be having at three in the morning with no warning but it was kind of touching that Azula felt like she could come to her with this. </p><p>“Listen, I would do anything to see my mom again,” Katara said. Just saying the words made her heart ache. “But this is a completely different situation. I’d say I get it but it would be a lie. I can’t imagine being in your shoes. You have to tell Zuko but I don’t think you have to see her right away if you’re not ready.” </p><p>“What?” Azula stared at her, looking shocked. “I thought you would tell me I’m being selfish and that I need to see her because she’s my mother and I owe her that.” </p><p>“I don’t think so,” Katara said. “You owe Zuko the truth. But you don’t necessarily owe your mom anything.”</p><p>Azula nodded, looking a little relieved. “Okay. Yes. I’ll tell Zuko in the morning. I think I can do that if I don’t have to see her. I can tell Zuko. Thanks, Katara.” </p><p>“No problem,” Katara said. “Glad I could help.” </p><p>“You really did.” Azula paused. “Do you think I could call you sometimes when I need someone to tell me to get my shit together?” </p><p>Katara laughed. “I guess,” she said. “Maybe try to have your moral panic attacks at more reasonable hours in the future though.” </p><p>Azula frowned. “I didn’t choose the time.” </p><p>Oh, so she took that completely literally. “No, I know,” Katara said. “I was half-joking.” </p><p>“Oh,” Azula said. “Okay.” She smiled a little. “Very funny.” </p><p>Katara rolled her eyes. “You good? Cause I’m exhausted.” </p><p>“I’ve been better but I know what I have to do now. I’ll let you get some sleep.” </p><p>“Goodnight,” Katara said. </p><p>“Goodnight.” </p><p>The Facetime call ended. Katara set her phone down and relaxed into the bed. She was thinking about her mom, and how much she missed her every day. She was glad that Zuko was going to get to see his mom again and she hoped Azula would change her mind and consider seeing her. Maybe she could talk her into it eventually since they were – apparently – friends now. </p><p> </p><p>*           *          *          *          *</p><p> </p><p>Zuko couldn’t believe he was finally going to see his Mom again. All these years he had been missing her and now he was finally pulling up to her house. June had warned him that she had a new family now and that she’d been having her memories wiped for years. He hated his father for that more than he could ever put into words. It was flame burning inside him that he wasn’t sure he could ever put out. </p><p>Ursa and her husband, Ikem, lived in Hira’a, so it was about an hour and a half drive to get to them. He pulled into the driveway and took several deep breaths. Her home was beautiful. He noticed the chrysanthemums and pumpkins lining the house right away. Her garden here was small, nothing like the garden at Father’s mansion but somehow just as beautiful and much, much happier. </p><p>Zuko got out of the car and he was suddenly afraid. What if she didn’t like him now that he was older? What if she was so upset about losing years of her memories that seeing him caused her to panic? Or what if – </p><p>Before he could think of any more ‘what ifs’ the door opened and a tiny figure came racing out. A second later a little girl was hugging Zuko’s knees. When she let go, he kneeled down beside her. </p><p>“You must be Kiyi,” he said. “I’m Zuko.” </p><p>“You’re my big brother!” Kiyi said brightly. She hugged Zuko again. </p><p>Zuko was overwhelmed and thinking of his mom being married to someone new and having another child was dizzying but all the same, as he hugged the tiny child he fell totally in love. </p><p>Then she broke away and ran back towards the house and Zuko saw her. Mother was standing on the porch, looking as nervous and excited as he felt. She was older than when he’d seen her last – of course, she was, eight years had passed – with new lines in her face and bags under her eyes but she was as beautiful as he remembered her. She was here and she was real. </p><p>Zuko wanted to run to her but he didn’t know how to make his legs move. It all felt so overwhelming. But he didn’t have to move. </p><p>She came to him, and he was wrapped up in a tight hug and he hugged her back and it felt for the first time in forever as if maybe everything would be okay. Zuko felt like a little kid again. He was just a scared kid with a dad who was always angry and a little sister who sometimes scared him and Mom was the person who could make it all alright. He never wanted to let go of her. </p><p>“I missed you so much,” he said. </p><p>“I’m sorry,” she broke away from the hug and she was crying. “I wanted to take you with me. I wanted to take you and your sister away from Ozai.” </p><p>“It’s not your fault,” Zuko said. “They wiped your memories for years. I'm so sorry you had to go through that." </p><p>A man with dark hair pulled back in a bun came out on the porch. Zuko looked up. </p><p>“This is my husband,” Ursa explained. “N-" she stopped herself. “Ikem. He was the love of my life before I met your father,” she smiled warmly at Ikem. “He made your Father angry by spending too much time with the Freedom Fighters so his memories were wiped too. But we found each other anyway." </p><p>“I’m very glad to meet you, Zuko,” Ikem said, coming down from the porch. </p><p>Zuko held out his hand for a handshake but he was swept up in a hug instead. This was way more hugging than he was used to. He prepared himself for the panic that often came with unexpected physical touches and the anger that sometimes followed. It didn’t come this time, though. He felt overwhelmed but also safe. </p><p>“I’m glad to meet you too,” Zuko said when the hug ended. </p><p>Mother looked around. “Your sister…?” </p><p>“Me?” Kiyi asked. </p><p>Zuko smiled at her. “I think Mom is talking about our other sister,” he explained. He returned his attention to Mother. “She couldn’t come today. I tried to talk her into it. She said maybe next time.” </p><p>Mother looked so heartbroken by that Zuko decided he was glad he had lied about Azula saying ‘maybe next time.’ </p><p>“Can I see your house?” Zuko asked. </p><p>The sad look faded and Mother wiped her eyes and smiled. “Of course,” she said. “Come in.” </p><p>They all walked inside and Zuko looked around at the living room. It was so different from Father’s living room which was enormous and filled with bookshelves and wine racks and fancy sculptures. This room was small and cozy with a huge couch covered in throw pillows and blankets and the walls were covered in papers with scribbled crayon drawings. It was messy, with a half built block tower in the middle of the floor and someone's half empty coffee cup sitting on the windowsill. The contrast to Ozai's meticulously clean home was striking. Zuko already felt more at home here than he'd ever felt int he mansion. </p><p>The smell of something baking was wafting in from the kitchen. “I made cookies,” Mother explained. “They should be done any minute.” </p><p>“Um, you made cookies?” Kiyi asked, raising her eyebrows. </p><p>“Kiyi made cookies,” Mother corrected herself with a smile. </p><p>“Zuko can I show you my room?” Kiyi asked. </p><p>“Of course.” </p><p>Kiyi took Zuko's hand and led him down the hall and as he was introduced to various stuffed animals and dolls Zuko felt warmer and happier than he’d felt in a long time. He felt like he had to be dreaming. Real life couldn’t be this good. If he was dreaming, he hoped he never woke up. </p><p> </p><p>*           *          *          *          *</p><p> </p><p>Jet, Smellerbee and Longshot were sitting the ‘Four Leaf Clover’ pub with an old man with a limp and burn marks and several young men and teens. </p><p>“So it’s a lab under Lake Laogai,” the old man grunted. “And they’re drugging people? But it only lasts twenty-four hours? My wife could remember me again?” </p><p>Jet nodded. “They’re brainwashing people to return to the lab for ‘vacation’ after twenty-four hours. It’s horrific.” </p><p>Jet was furious. He thought Azula had been the only member of this stupid crew of teen vigilantes with any guts and she’d lost her nerve. Although he didn’t like being kidnapped, he was glad it had happened. </p><p>‘Jared Smith’ had been a complete idiot and Jet could not stand the idea of becoming him again. He was determined to put a stop to what was happening. If the teen vigilantes were too scared to do anything, maybe the Freedom Fighters needed to take action.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0019"><h2>19. puzzle pieces</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Azula decides to visit Ursa's home. </p>
<p>Zuko and Sokka go for a walk.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>cw: mentions of being drugged, mentions of child abuse &amp; neglect</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Azula didn’t even know what she was doing here. She had woken up from a nightmare and decided to do this and now she wasn’t sure it was a good idea at all. Except it hadn’t been a nightmare. It had been a good dream, actually. She didn’t remember the specifics but she knew she had been a little girl in it, maybe six or seven and she and Ursa had been getting along – almost. She couldn’t remember exactly what had happened, but she woke up feeling like she could smell her and feel her warmth and it was depressing to think that she’d never see her mom again when she lived less than two hours away. </p>
<p>So, without saying anything to Iroh, Azula got in the car and went. Now she was pulling up to the address June had given her and it was around ten in the morning. Zuko was moving in with Ursa. Apparently the paperwork to transfer him to Hira’a high school was already started. He had been in and out of Iroh’s for the past few days, packing and getting ready and it was strange to see Zuko of all people so cheerful. Iroh had offered Azula a permanent place to stay and she was staying with him now because she had nowhere else to go but she couldn’t imagine sticking around without Zuko. She and Iroh had never exactly been close. </p>
<p>The house looked too friendly – it was disturbing. The chrysanthemums and pumpkins in the front garden and the big oak with yellow and gold leaves were like a scene from a movie. Then a tiny figure came running around from behind the house, giggling and Zuko followed, chasing. Azula just sat in her car, watching for a second. A moment later another man came around the corner, also laughing. He had dark hair pulled back in a messy bun and he was holding a rake. </p>
<p>“I just raked those leaves and now they’re everywhere,” he scolded the little girl. This must be Ikem and Kiyi, then. </p>
<p>“Sorry, Daddy,” Kiyi said. “It was Zuko’s idea to jump in them.” </p>
<p>“Hey!” Zuko said, but he was laughing. </p>
<p>They were all laughing. There was none of the actual malice in Ikem’s scolding that Azula and Zuko would have heard from Father if they did something like this. Azula’s heart was racing and she was wondering what the hell had possessed her to come here – she didn’t belong and that was very obvious now. </p>
<p>“Hey!” Zuko spotted her car in the driveway and waved. “Azula, you came.” </p>
<p>She got out of the car. They were all coming over to her and she just wanted to run away. </p>
<p>“Hi, I’m Ikem. It’s nice to meet you.” </p>
<p>“It’s nice t-” before Azula could finish speaking she was being wrapped up in a hug. </p>
<p>She shoved Ikem away and backed up, glaring and trying to get her footing. She was not ready for that. </p>
<p>“Sorry,” Ikem said quickly. “I didn’t mean to overstep, I’ve just been so excited to meet you.” </p>
<p>Azula shook her head. She wasn’t going to say it was fine but she didn’t want to make a big deal either. Someone was tapping her knee. She looked down to see Kiyi staring up at her with wide, excited eyes. </p>
<p>Azula had been sure she would hate Kiyi. It wasn’t like she wanted to hate a child – she knew logically that it wasn’t Kiyi’s fault she had parents who loved her – but she had been ready for the same resentment she felt towards Ursa to boil over and tarnish any desire to get to know Kiyi. At first, she wanted to push Kiyi away, it was true. She saw only a small annoying person who was getting everything Azula could never have. But it was hard to be too angry at someone so small. </p>
<p>“Hi,” Azula said in a stiff voice. She wasn’t used to little kids and she wasn’t sure how one was supposed to speak to them. “I’m Azula. I’m your big sister – I guess.” </p>
<p>“I’m Kiyi,” the little girl said. “I’m so glad you came. Zuko said you might not.” </p>
<p>Azula shot Zuko a glare. She hadn’t asked him to say anything. Although she supposed she had made it pretty clear she had no intention of ever coming here. </p>
<p>“I’m glad to meet you,” Azula said to Kiyi. She wasn’t going to say it to Ikem – there was still enough pettiness in her for that. </p>
<p>“Please, come inside,” Ikem said. “I think your mom is making pancakes.” </p>
<p>Since when did Ursa cook? Of course, she didn’t have any servants here. There would be no chef in a tiny house like this in the country. So, Ursa had to adjust. For a moment, Azula felt some amount of petty ire and the thought <em>‘that’s what she gets for leaving’</em> crossed her mind. She instantly felt bad about that when she reminded herself Ursa hadn’t wanted to leave her and Zuko behind. </p>
<p>Azula followed Ikem, Zuko, and Kiyi up to the porch and inside. </p>
<p>Ikem and Zuko went straight for the kitchen, but Azula hesitated in the living room. She hadn’t hallucinated Ursa since the night she’d kidnapped Jet. But she had been so sure Ursa was dead. Years of believing she was buried in the garden made the prospect of seeing her alive and well with a new family and a happy life intimidating. The image of the skull she had seen rotting in the garden when she dug up what she thought was Ursa’s grave flashed through Azula’s mind. The memory felt out of place here where the smell of pancakes and coffee was in the air and Kiyi was working on a puzzle in the middle of the floor. </p>
<p>“What are you working on?” Azula asked Kiyi to delay the trip to the kitchen. </p>
<p>“Come see!” </p>
<p>Azula kneeled on the floor beside Kiyi and saw that it was a picture of various spring flowers with buzzing bees and hummingbirds. The puzzle was almost completed. Kiyi had been building it from the inside out. </p>
<p>“You’re supposed to find the edge and corner pieces first,” Azula informed her, picking up corner piece from the pile. “Then you have the outline. After that, you sort them by color.” </p>
<p>“Oh!” Kiyi said, grabbing an edge piece. </p>
<p>Together, they started sorting the pieces. </p>
<p>Then Azula looked up and Ursa was standing in the doorway. She froze. It was clear now that kneeling had been a stupid idea. She awkwardly got to her feet and stared at Ursa, wanting to bolt. </p>
<p>It was worse than she had imagined. She had been afraid all she would be able to see would be the rotting skull from the garden but instead, all she could think about was Ozai slamming Ursa into the wall. Memories she had been suppressing for years were coming back. She was shaking and she felt weak and that was unacceptable. </p>
<p>Azula didn’t say anything, she just walked out the front door and got into her car, starting the engine. Driving right now was probably a bad idea because she couldn’t see straight, but staying here was not an option. This had been a mistake. </p>
<p>Someone knocked on her window. She screamed and looked up, expecting Ursa. It was Zuko. She rolled down the window. </p>
<p>“I’m sorry,” she said. “I can’t do this.” </p>
<p>“You didn’t even try!” Zuko protested. “She just wants to see you again.” </p>
<p>That was too much. She didn’t try? Really? That was such bullshit. She had tried so goddamn hard. She had come, hadn’t she? She shook her head and backed out of the driveway, rolling up her window and speeding away. In her rearview mirror, she saw Zuko standing there, and she vindictively hoped he felt like shit for saying that to her. </p>
<p>About a half-mile down the road Azula heard a scraping sound and felt her Cadillac’s balance go out of sync. Shit. She pulled to the side of the road and got out. Another flat tire? What, were the roads just covered in nails this fall or something? </p>
<p>Azula got out her phone and tried to google ‘tow trucks’ but she didn’t have any data. On either side of her were fields of corn and beyond that, rolling hills covered in forest. She glanced backward. Well, she didn’t have a lot of options. </p>
<p>She walked along the side of the road. It was beautiful out here, there was no denying that. Not in the same way as the fancy skyscrapers of Ba Sing Se. There were no museums or shopping malls or dine-in movie theaters. Maybe there was a drive-in theater. </p>
<p>The walk gave Azula time to calm down. Actually, this could be good for her. Her therapist thought she was having a problem connecting what she had believed her whole life almost – that Ursa was buried in the garden – and what she knew now to be true – that Ursa was alive and well. Seeing her had forced her to accept that Ursa was not dead. The disgusting secret she’d been harboring since she was eight wasn’t real.</p>
<p>When she got to the house, Ursa and Ikem were sitting on the porch steps. </p>
<p>“What happened?” Ikem asked. </p>
<p>“I got a flat tire,” Azula said. “My phone doesn’t have any data so I couldn’t call a tow truck. Perhaps I could use your WiFi for a moment?” </p>
<p>“Of course,” Ursa said. </p>
<p>Hearing her voice – her real voice, not the hallucination – made Azula want to run away again. She remembered something her therapist had told her and closed her eyes and counted backward from ten while inhaling. Then she exhaled and counted from one to ten. She opened her eyes. </p>
<p>“Thank you,” she said. </p>
<p>There was a long pause. “Do you want to come inside?” Ursa asked. </p>
<p>“Okay,” Azula said. “Just to call a tow truck.” </p>
<p>She followed them back inside. </p>
<p>“Let me see your phone and I’ll type in the WiFi password,” Ikem said. </p>
<p>Azula handed it over. Kiyi came into the room and lit up when she saw Azula was back. She ran over and hugged Azula’s knees. </p>
<p>Azula was not used to this response to entering a room. She smiled a little at her younger sister. Kiyi let go and ran over to the puzzle and pointed. </p>
<p>“I sorted the corner and edge pieces,” Kiyi said. She grabbed Azula’s hand and tugged her over to see. </p>
<p>“Good job,” Azula said, smiling despite herself. “Now you have to find the four corners and set them up.” </p>
<p>“Here,” Ikem said, handing Azula back her phone. "I put in the WiFi password for you." </p>
<p>“You’re back,” Zuko had come into the living room. </p>
<p>“It seems I’m having no luck lately,” Azula said. “I got a flat tire.” </p>
<p>“Hey, I’m sorry I said-”</p>
<p>“Just forget it, Zuko. It’s fine.” </p>
<p>“I had just finished making pancakes,” Ursa said. “Maybe after you call the tow truck you could join us for breakfast?” </p>
<p>If Ursa had just finished making pancakes why was she sitting on the porch? Oh. Ursa was upset and Ikem was comforting her. She was upset because Azula left. It felt like there was no winning here. If Azula left, she upset everyone. If she stayed, she risked fucking up and upsetting them anyway.</p><p>Azula called the tow truck and, after being told it would be a few hours, she joined them in the kitchen. The thought of returning to her car to wait did occur to her, but it was cold out and the idea of waiting alone by her car was not appealing. She sat down at the table between Zuko and Kiyi and across from Ursa and Ikem. </p>
<p>She put a few pancakes on her plate and picked at them while everyone else dug in. It felt wrong to be sitting here, like a family. She and Zuko sometimes ate together at the mansion, but if they’d ever sat down for a meal with Ozai, Azula didn’t remember it. </p>
<p>After breakfast, it was back to the living room. Kiyi turned on the Scooby-Doo and everyone sat around to watch, chatting and drinking coffee. It felt a little suffocating. </p>
<p>Azula took her cup of coffee and went out to the porch. She sat down on the steps and sipped the warm coffee, trying not to think. </p>
<p>Ursa came out a moment later. “Can I sit with you?” she asked. </p>
<p>Azula looked up and shrugged. Ursa sat down beside her, also sipping coffee. They didn’t say anything for a bit. </p>
<p>“I wanted to extend an offer,” Ursa said in a hesitant voice. </p>
<p>Azula looked at her, waiting. </p>
<p>“Ikem and I would love it if you moved in with us too. It’s what I always wanted. We’re so happy that Zuko is here, and it would mean the world if you wanted to stay too. Of course, you don’t have to. I know you have your uncle. But it doesn’t feel whole without you here.” </p>
<p>Azula looked away, staring out at the yard. What the hell was she supposed to say to that? It didn’t feel whole without her here? As if she were the missing piece in a jigsaw puzzle instead of the extra piece that didn’t belong. </p>
<p>“I’m so sorry about everything I missed out on,” Ursa said. “And that I left you with Ozai. I need you to know that I wanted to take you and your brother with me. I love you-”</p>
<p>“Don’t,” Azula managed. Her throat felt tight. She could listen to invitations to live here, but she didn’t have to listen to bullshit lies that didn’t make up for Ursa treating her like a monster when she was only a child. “Please,” she said. “Just don’t.” </p>
<p>They sat in silence for a minute. It was nice that this time at least, Ursa listened. Azula thought about the hallucination’s insistence on repeating herself and shivered. At least this Ursa – the real Ursa – listened. Azula realized that there was a big part of her that wanted this to work. She was not even close to being over her resentment towards her mother but she did want her mother in her life. What she really wanted - a happy childhood and a mother who loved her - could never be a reality. But maybe she could have the next best thing. Maybe she and Ursa could at least get to know each other. If that was going to happen, she had to be honest. </p>
<p>“We don’t have to get into it now,” Azula said. “But if you really want me to come back here – and I would understand if you didn’t want that, I'm not exactly the most pleasant person - you should know that I do not have good memories of you.” </p>
<p>Azula could see on Ursa’s face that her words hurt and for once that hadn’t been her objective, but it felt like it needed to be said. She didn’t know how to have hard conversations without being cruel, and she really didn’t want to be cruel right now, but if she didn’t say anything she didn’t think she could ever come back. </p>
<p>“I don’t know what kind of mother you were,” Azula went on. “I was eight when you died.” She saw Ursa’s eyes widen and hurried to correct herself. “When you disappeared,” she amended. “Zuko seems to think you were an angel. Maybe you were, to him. But all I can remember is being rejected by my own mother.” She swallowed hard. "I know I wasn't an easy child, but you left me with Father long before that night in the garden and I am not ready to forgive you." </p>
<p>“I never wanted to reject you.” Oh great, now Ursa was crying. <em>‘Excellent job, you bitch, you made her cry,’</em> Azula thought to herself. Of course, ruining everything had always been her specialty. “I’m so sorry you ever felt that way,” Ursa went on. “I love-”</p>
<p>“No,” Azula interrupted. Despite feeling horrible for making things worse, she was also pissed. She didn't want to hear any lies right now. Azula wiped her eyes, trying to keep from breaking down because this was supposed to be a mature, honest conversation. Damn it, apparently, all she did now was cry. “You don’t get to say that to me,” she said. “You don’t get to say, after everything, that you love me.” </p>
<p>“It’s the truth,” Ursa said. </p>
<p>Azula looked at her mom’s tearful face and she actually believed her this time. She didn’t think it made up for anything. It didn’t make everything okay. And she was sure that Ursa would never love her the way she loved Zuko and Kiyi. But it was true. Her mom really did love her. </p>
<p>Neither of them could stop crying but suddenly they were hugging. Azula hadn’t realized how much she had wanted this. It felt like she was just a little girl again – a scared little girl who needed her mom and this time, her mom wasn’t turning her away. They hugged for a long time and when it ended, Azula wiped her eyes. </p>
<p>“About those bad memories?” she said. </p>
<p>“Yes?” Ursa said, also wiping her eyes. </p>
<p>“Maybe…maybe we could make some new and better ones." Ursa's face was hopeful. "I’m not saying I’m ready to forgive and forget," Azula went on, just to be clear. "But maybe I could come here sometimes. I could get to know Kiyi. If that's alright." </p>
<p>“Of course,” Ursa said. </p>
<p>It didn’t necessarily feel like everything would be okay. But it felt like maybe it could be a little better than it had always been before. Azula decided she was glad she had come after all. </p>
<p>Maybe getting a flat tire hadn’t been such bad luck in the end. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>*           *          *          *          *</p>
<p> </p>
<p>There were many benefits to living with Mom and Ikem and Kiyi. One of them was living less than five minutes from Hakoda and Bato. Zuko still felt like he was dreaming. Everything was so good lately. The anger and sadness that had always consumed him from the inside out were ebbing away. He hadn't had a panic attack or wanted to hit anyone since he'd moved in with them. For so long Zuko had wanted nothing more than to see his mom again and he finally got to do that. He got to live with her and Ikem treated him like a son and Kiyi adored him and it was everything Zuko had ever longed for in life. It was surreal and beautiful and Zuko was afraid to get too comfortable but he could feel it happening anyway. </p>
<p>Moving in with Mom and Ikem and Kiyi was the best decision Zuko had ever made, he was sure. He still jumped when there was a loud noise and he’d still panicked a little bit when he broke a coffee cup but Mom hadn’t been mad at all about the cup, and he was starting to relax. Ikem never yelled. Even when Kiyi drew a stick figure drawing of the family on the bathroom wall in marker, Ikem just explained calmly why that wasn’t okay. Zuko had never seen anything like it. What was more, Kiyi understood and apologized, and then it was over. It was amazing. </p>
<p>Hakoda and Bato had invited Ursa, Ikem, Kiyi, and Zuko and Iroh and Azula as well over for dinner to celebrate one of the last days of autumn break. Azula was applying for campus housing at Ba Sing Se University for next semester, but she had been spending a lot of time at the house lately so Zuko was hopeful that she’d consider staying there over the summer. Azula didn’t like spending too much time with Ursa and Ikem, but she and Kiyi got along amazingly well. After dinner, they all made their way outside and sat in folding chairs around a fire. </p>
<p>Zuko was talking to Aang and relaxing with a soda when he heard a scream. </p>
<p>Immediately, he and Azula, who had been talking to Katara, were both on their feet. Kiyi’s scream had turned to laughter though. She was in a wrestling match with Momo. Mom and Ikem looked over and laughed. Zuko was still getting used to his mom’s laugh being a regular sound that he got to hear. It hurt how much he’d missed that sound. </p>
<p>“What is that?” Azula asked, staring. </p>
<p>Kiyi giggled. “It’s a lemur!” she screamed.</p>
<p>Momo jumped onto Kiyi’s head, cooing. </p>
<p>Azula looked alarmed. “Will it hurt her?” </p>
<p>“Of course not!” Aang laughed. </p>
<p>Zuko laughed too, shaking his head. Of course, Azula had her textbooks on serial killers memorized and could talk about crime rates and local government policy with perfect adult intelligence but didn’t know what a lemur was. </p>
<p>Zuko couldn’t believe the first time he’d come to this house had been when he was ‘kidnapped.’ It was hard to believe he’d been determined not to have fun or enjoy himself then. Now it felt like he couldn’t stop enjoying himself. He was feeling so happy all the time now - it was odd. </p>
<p>The evening went on and the sun started to set and Katara started telling scary stories and Aang had introduced Azula to Appa and Toph was listing off completely fake animal facts which Azula was listening to intently and seemed to believe every word of. Kiyi was in love with both Appa and Momo and having an excellent time helping brush Appa about twenty feet away from the fire. Zuko felt a tap on his shoulder.</p>
<p>He looked up to see Sokka and smiled at him. </p>
<p>“Wanna go for a walk?” Sokka asked. </p>
<p>They walked away from the fire. Sokka took Zuko’s hand and Zuko felt butterflies flutter in his belly. He had known Sokka for such a short time but every moment with him felt like a gift. They walked around the house and ended up in the front yard near the house. </p>
<p>Sokka looked incredibly nervous. “You okay?” Zuko asked. </p>
<p>“I’m just nervous,” Sokka said. </p>
<p>“Isn’t that my job?” Zuko asked, laughing a little. </p>
<p>“I wanna try something,” Sokka said. </p>
<p>He stepped forward and tilted his head and Zuko knew what was happening and suddenly he was also incredibly nervous. Zuko leaned in and pressed his lips against Sokka’s. It was awkward and scary but it was also warm and welcome and Zuko wrapped his arms around Sokka’s waist and pulled him closer. </p>
<p>“I’ve been wanting to do that for a while, I think,” Sokka said, pressing their foreheads together. </p>
<p>“Took you long enough,” Zuko teased. </p>
<p>“Hey, you could’ve made a move too.” </p>
<p>“Have you met me?” </p>
<p>“Fair enough.” </p>
<p>They kissed again and Zuko didn’t think he’d ever been happier than at this moment. It felt like everything had been so good lately and this kiss was the missing piece to the puzzle of Zuko's life. Everything was falling into place. He was surrounded by people who cared about him and who he cared about and Sokka was here and Sokka wanted him and the world felt a lot more hopeful than Zuko ever remembered it feeling before. Hope didn’t feel dangerous or scary anymore either. It felt right.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0020"><h2>20. family</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Jet makes a decision about taking down Lake Laogai and Mayor Ozai. </p>
<p>The kids are faced with big life changes.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“This is a little more kidnapping than I’m usually comfortable with,” Mai said, staring at the twenty-some women crowding the back of the prison bus, all tied to their chairs and gagged. </p>
<p>“Don’t think of it as kidnapping,” Ty Lee suggested. “Think of it as a rescue. Assuming they’re being drugged with the same mind controlling substance as Ursa, Ikem, and Jet, in twenty-four hours we’ll be heroes to them.” </p>
<p>Despite her cheerful accolades to Mai, Ty Lee was nervous. Suki rested her head on Ty Lee’s shoulder and frowned at the back of the bus. Mai’s father being a prison warden had its benefits. They’d stolen the prison bus using Mai’s knowledge of the prison layout. Ty Lee had not been totally on board with this plan – not because she didn’t think it would work – but because she didn’t want Mai to get in trouble. Mai pointed out that with Suki’s knowledge of disabling security cameras, there was little risk of her dad ever finding out who had taken the bus. </p>
<p>The Joo Dee’s were all trying to smile despite being bound to their chairs and having cloths stuck in their mouths and that was unsettling. </p>
<p>“I guess we should go,” Suki said, heading for the driver’s seat. “Jet said we needed to get them out of here before noon. It’s eleven-thirty.” </p>
<p>“Does anyone know why Jet was so insistent on noon?” Mai asked. </p>
<p>Suki got behind the wheel and started the engine as Ty Lee and Mai stood near the driver’s seat, reluctant to get to close to the Joo Dee’s, even if they were tied up. Ty Lee tried not to look at their smiling faces. </p>
<p>“Nope,” Ty Lee shrugged. “He called me this morning talking about how he couldn’t stop thinking about all those poor, drugged women and how we should do something.” </p>
<p>“I can’t believe we went back there,” Mai said, frowning at the lake out the window. </p>
<p>The autumn wind was sending waves crashing against the rocky beach. The hole in the rocks that led to the underground government lab looked like an innocent cave. If someone didn’t know what it led to, it might look like the home of some wild animal. </p>
<p>Ty Lee shivered. “Let’s go,” she said. </p>
<p>Suki drove away from the beech. As they got onto the highway, Ty Lee started to grow concerned that they didn’t exactly have a plan. She supposed they could go to Azula and Zuko’s beach house. Ozai never went there anymore so it was a safe enough place to take over twenty kidnapped brainwashing victims until they regained their memories and presumably became normal members of society again. </p>
<p>She was about to bring this idea up to Suki and Mai when the sound of an enormous explosion wiped all other thoughts from her mind. She ran to the window and stared down the hill beyond the highway. Lake water was raining down from the sky hundreds of feet away. Lake Laogai’s rocky shores were decimated. </p>
<p>“Jet,” Ty Lee said in an awed voice. </p>
<p>“Holy shit,” Suki whispered, trying to regain focus on the road. </p>
<p>Even Mai was staring a the remains of Lake Laogai with a somewhat shocked expression. </p>
<p>“So I was thinking we could take these ladies to Ozai’s beach house,” Ty Lee said. “You know until they regain their memories.” </p>
<p>“Sure,” Suki said, staring ahead with huge eyes. “That works.” </p>
<p> </p>
<p>*           *          *          *          *</p>
<p>
  <em>Summer</em>
</p>
<p>*           *          *          *          *</p>
<p>“I’m going to be one of those idiots who comes home every weekend to do laundry,” Zuko mused. </p>
<p>He was laying on a blanket in Hakoda and Bato’s backyard in the shade with Sokka beside him. The August breeze felt warm and comfortable and he was wishing that summer could last forever and that he never had to start at Ba Sing Se University. Of course was excited about college. But summer was just so nice. </p>
<p>Still, he’d be living on campus with Sokka, Azula, Mai, Ty Lee, and Suki. He’d be less than ten minutes away from Uncle Iroh. Mom and Ikem and Kiyi were close and so were Hakoda, Bato, Katara, Toph, and Aang. </p>
<p>As nervous as he was, Zuko was also excited. The prospect of him and Sokka living in the dorms, only a few doors away from each other was thrilling. He hadn’t decided on a major yet so the first semester would be all fun classes. This was good. And they still had a few more weeks of days like this to look forward to. </p>
<p>“Same,” Sokka said. “I know it sounds hokey but I’m gonna miss my family.” </p>
<p>Family. What a concept. Ever since the explosion at Lake Laogai exposed the remains of a secret lab with illegal mind-controlling substances, the feds had gotten involved. No one suspected Jet or the Freedom Fighters of causing the explosion except the members of Team Teen Vigilantes, but an investigation into the Ba Sing Se local government revealed a paper trail linking Ozai to the lab. Ozai was currently in federal prison. Neither Zuko nor Azula had spoken to him. As far as Zuko knew, no one had. </p>
<p>“We’ll literally be less than two hours away,” Katara teased from across the yard. </p>
<p>Hakoda and Bato had bought an above ground pool and Katara and Azula were trying very hard to teach Kiyi to swim in it. Kiyi had inflatable floaties strapped to her arms to hold her up until she got the hang of it. Toph and Aang were ‘helping’ which was code for ‘helping Kiyi splash the older girls.’ Zuko and Azula were ‘babysitting’ Kiyi which was code for ‘wanting to visit their friends and Kiyi asking if she could come and Zuko and Azula both being entirely unable to say no to their baby sister.’ </p>
<p>Zuko and Sokka were still in their swimsuits but taking a break from the pool to lounge around. </p>
<p>“Whatever, don’t pretend you’re not gonna miss us,” Sokka teased Katara. </p>
<p>“I’m not,” Katara said. “Cause ‘Team Teen Vigilantes’ is still going to get together every weekend. Just like we did this school year.” </p>
<p>“Yeah you dumb-dumbs aren’t allowed to ditch us just ‘cause you’re going off to college,” Toph said. </p>
<p>“I am going to miss summer,” Aang said. “But this could be an opportunity. You guys can show us campus and tell us all about what your classes are like. We’re family, you’re not getting rid of us that easy.” </p>
<p>“I agree,” Azula said. “I don’t know if I’ve mentioned but-”</p>
<p>“Oh my God, we know!” Katara laughed. “You’re taking fewer credit hours than you ever have before so you’ll have so much free time you won’t know what to do with yourself. We’ve heard! Like eighty times now. Fifteen credit hours is like, a normal amount. I hope you know that.” </p>
<p>“Be nice!” Kiyi said, splashing at Katara. </p>
<p>“Yeah, Katara, be nice,” Azula said, also splashing. </p>
<p>Aang and Toph joined in and Zuko laughed, hiding behind Sokka as splashes came their way. </p>
<p>“Hey!” Sokka said. “I just dried off!” </p>
<p>“So did I!” Zuko laughed, dodging as more water flew their way. </p>
<p>Sokka rolled onto his side and gave Zuko and exaggerated glare. </p>
<p>Zuko rolled his eyes and kissed Sokka until he felt him smiling. </p>
<p>“Ew! Kissing!” Kiyi giggled from the pool. </p>
<p>“Yeah, ew!” Toph cried. “No one wants to see that.” </p>
<p>“Oh whatever, Toph,” Zuko laughed. “That joke only works on Sokka.” </p>
<p>Zuko leaned in for another kiss but the next moment he and Sokka were drenched as everyone in the pool splashed them at once. </p>
<p>Zuko looked at Sokka and smirked. “Payback time?” he asked. </p>
<p>“For sure,” Sokka agreed. </p>
<p>The next moment Zuko and Sokka were in the pool in a full splash fight with the others. Kiyi screamed with laughter and splashed everyone, not really taking a side in the battle. </p>
<p>Amidst the screams of laughter and the chaos of the too-small pool, Zuko felt at peace. Of course, at the moment he felt the chaotic energy of a summer splash fight, but there was a deeper feeling of peace that saturated him from the inside out now. It was the peace that came with being around family all the time – real family. </p>
<p>Zuko had spent so much of his life unable to imagine an alternative to life in the bleak and loveless mansion with Ozai. </p>
<p>But Zuko’s new life included watching Azula patiently try to teach Kiyi to swim using the same kind phrases like 'it's okay, you'll get it next time' that he’d used with her when they were younger. It was waking up to the smell of pancakes or French toast and bacon and having Mom and Ikem worry over him being too skinny and insist on piling his plate high and later helping him pay for textbooks even though he’d saved most of the money. It was going on weekend trips to Ba Sing Se to visit the museums and libraries and say hi to Uncle Iroh with Katara and Aang. It was calling out Toph every time she tried to trick him into forgetting she was blind and laughing when Toph messed with everyone else. It was late night talks with Suki about life. It was helping Mai and Ty Lee pack for moving to campus housing and feeling excited for them to get away from their less than stellar home lives. </p>
<p>His new life included kissing Sokka as soon as the splash fight ended and being bombarded with splashes once again. </p>
<p>This new life included a real family and that was more than Zuko could have ever hoped for.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>thank you so much if you've taken the time to read my writing. the idea that people do that baffles me &amp; makes my heart happy. if you wanna be friends on Tumblr my URL is juniperhillpatient</p><p>stay safe out there!</p></blockquote></div></div>
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